Can’t Lose the Damn Weight - 2 Years Postpartum

[morirach]

Is anyone else just a totally different size and weight and shape after having their kid/kids?

I’m 2 years on and about 20 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight (I’m short so that’s a lot). I work out the same amount as I did pre pregnancy (4-5 days a week). I prob eat a slightly worse diet than before because we eat with my daughter and we try to give her more carbs and fat cause toddlers need that. What do other moms do? Make a salad for themselves and the give their toddlers whatever their meals are? It seems like this sends the wrong message though and a lot of work.

I enjoy food a lot, and feeling sad with the reality that likely the only way to lose this weight is to severely restrict my diet. But how are us moms supposed to survive on chicken breast and broccoli when we have to wrangle a toddler all day?

Is anyone else on the same boat? I feel like I’m the only one who didn’t go back to the same size after having kids in my circle of mom friends. Everyone else is so slim.

EDIT TO ADD: this really blew up and I guess it hits a cord with a lot of moms. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories. It’s not an easy journey to lose weight post baby! I used to have an amazing metabolism and eat mostly what I wanted in moderation, worked out and was a size 0, now I work out the same amount, eat a tiny bit worse and is so much heavier. To be fair I’m still a very “normal” size, I’m just not liking what I see in the mirror.

For everyone who added nothing to the conversation but snooty comments of why can’t my toddler eat a healthy & varied diet. She does, but she likes and needs a decent amount of carbs. She runs around NON stop all day everyday. Plus, toddlers are picky, sometimes what she wants for dinner is just 10 strawberries and a handful of goldfish. I’m not sure where all you ladies who have toddlers who chomp down on steak and grilled veg are, but good for you. My life isn’t like that.

 

[celoxisppm]

@morirach Apologies if this is long - I’m in the same boat! About to tell my whole life story here…

After college (and long before kids), I had gained a little weight. I discovered CICO and put myself on a 1200 cal/day diet. I lost 30lbs over 6 months and felt great! Not only that, but I was able to keep the weight off for 5 years, until I got pregnant.

After giving birth, and after weaning my kid, I was still 15lbs above my pre pregnancy weight. I figured just a few months of dieting would put me back to where I was - but the damn weight hardly budged. I knew how to diet, but I simply wasn’t losing weight the same way I did back in my 20s. It took me 6 months to lose 15lbs and I was miserable counting calories while watching a kid.

I looked around me and saw lots of mothers snapping back to their regular weight after having kids. It didn’t matter whether I was breastfeeding or not, sleeping through the night, the damn weight was here to stay.

So after having my second kid, i had two epiphanies:

1) genetics plays a major role. Lots of moms will lose weight and some won’t. If I diet to keep the weight down, am I working against my genetics? am I going to be on a miserable diet for the rest of my life?

2) secondly, who truly cares if I lose weight? Does my husband still find me attractive? Am I still healthy? If yes, then what’s the consequence of being a fat mom? Is it worth the unhappy dieting? Unhappy dieting has a way of seeping into every other aspect of my life. Is that really worth it?

So for now, I’m embracing the fat mom vibe. Maybe the weight will come off eventually, maybe not. I have a great relationship with food, and my family is happy, so I just can’t see a reason to put in effort to lose weight at this time in my life.

 

[lucerobear]

@celoxisppm This is my take too.

Control what I can in reason. Love my capable body. Be mindful of my relationship with food both in action and words.

Personally, I would rather be spending the time with my kids than at the gym with how the season of my life is.

 

[ansem]

@lucerobear Me too! My focus has been on how I feel vs the numbers or how I look.

Am I eating more foods that make me feel good, or am I eating foods that make me feel like crap? How does the food I'm eating benefit my body? Am I drinking enough water to feel hydrated? How can I make nutritious food more accessible for myself/my family?

Same thing with exercise. Most things are a 20-30 minute drive away, I really cannot fit in enough gym trips along with everything else I have to do, to make a membership worth the cost. Plus I would not see my kids that day, between the time to work out and the time it takes to drive, and I just can't go an entire day without seeing my kids.

So then I ask myself, what kind of movement do I enjoy doing so that I can build more stamina in a way that feels fun? How can I strengthen my muscles at home so that moving a lot or vigorously sucks less? How can I incorporate that into family time?

It's been 4 months since I've had my second and my weight hasn't budged a pound. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, BUT I am proud of the efforts I've made to make healthier choices every day.

 

[roundthemountain]

@celoxisppm Pregnancy permanently changed the shape of my body. My hips are now several inches wider and that's my new bone structure. No exercise or diet changing that.

Unless I get a tummy tuck, the saggy area at the bottom of my belly is there to stay.

Now I desperately need to lose weight, but about 1.5 years ago I was in the best shape of my life. Very fit, muscular--but I was still bigger. My kids and I do physical activities together. I want to model fitness over obsessing with bodies especially since I have two girls.

 

[isaac32]

@roundthemountain I gained hips as well while pregnant. Pre pregnancy I was basically a rectangle body and now I'm a hour glass shape and soft and I (most days) love it. My feet also went up a full size and stayed there, my diaphragm seems to have widened as well. I just had to adjust the wardrobe and when I look at myself in clothes in my new size I feel wonderful. When I was in my old clothes I felt crappy cus they didn't work with my new body shape.

 

[wifeingeorgia]

@celoxisppm This is me too- and I had to decide if I wanted to be thin and miserable, or accept that my maintainable weight is about 10lbs higher than pre-kids.

To be honest, the pre-kid weight doesn’t look the same on me anyway! My boobs make me sad when the rest of my body is at my “goal weight”. And I had the same epiphany- why was being as thin as possible my goal? It took a little while for me to accept that my body actually looks better with a little more weight on it, and still not perfect… But I’m a 43yr old mom so I’m just aiming for feeling good in my body and not insecure.

I try to do something active every day- could be a walk, yard work, a gym class, or a hot yoga class. And try to eat reasonably healthy. It doesn’t happen every single day but I aim for that!

 

[daisy23]

@celoxisppm I agree with you totally! I’m finally buying clothes in my current size and I’m loving my wardrobe. I go up or down 10lbs occasionally but everything still fits. I’m not sprinting with the kids but I keep up and nobody is worried about me. Doc said to eat variety and move more. So sometimes I use my walking pad during work hours.

 

[melissauk]

@celoxisppm I had to fix my metabolism after years of restricting and tracking - once I did that, the weight fell off on its own. Love that you’re focusing on a healthy relationship with food! That’s been the best thing for me too.

 

[celoxisppm]

@melissauk Ooh, I’m interested. Did you fix your metabolism through restricting and tracking? Or did you do it another way?

 

[melissauk]

@celoxisppm It was a long journey tbh. I would consider myself as having had an ED, though I was never diagnosed. It was very hard for me to give up tracking, so I worked on my metabolism with macro tracking first. Worked with a coach who slowly got me from 1100 calories to 2400, cut back down to 1500, then back up to about 2200, where I maintained until I got pregnant with my LO. This was a 2-3 year process; it was not a quick fix. I ate intuitively during my pregnancy (gained 50lbs!) and again in postpartum (slowly lost the 50lbs and an extra 10). I haven’t tracked in years now and it feels amazing!

 

[celoxisppm]

@melissauk I’m so happy for you! How did you find your coach?

 

[melissauk]

@celoxisppm I was big into the bodybuilding community, so I picked a coaching group of registered dietitians who also trained bodybuilders. I had been following them for a while on IG and their clients looked amazing and often showed calorie levels I couldn’t believe (surely I’d gain 500lbs if I ate like that?? - my ED brain). My former coach now focuses on intuitive eating and has left that world, but she was excellent.

 

[lookx009]

@celoxisppm There's a Youtuber/IG creator called Stephanie Buttermore who did what she called 'all in' to recalibrate intuitive eating after years of ED and starvation in the fitness community. She put on a lot of weight, and then lost a lot of it and it was a really interesting and well documented journey

I would say if you have an ED yourself though probably avoid as there's so much detail about food intake, calories etc. which could be triggering.

 

[alf54way]

@melissauk How did you do that?

 

[melissauk]

@alf54way Hi! Someone else asked, so I’m just pasting my answer, but happy to answer any questions.

It was a long journey tbh. I would consider myself as having had an ED, though I was never diagnosed. It was very hard for me to give up tracking, so I worked on my metabolism with macro tracking first. Worked with a coach who slowly got me from 1100 calories to 2400, cut back down to 1500, then back up to about 2200, where I maintained until I got pregnant with my LO. This was a 2-3 year process; it was not a quick fix. I ate intuitively during my pregnancy (gained 50lbs!) and again in postpartum (slowly lost the 50lbs and an extra 10). I haven’t tracked in years now and it feels amazing!

 

[jordanbanks]

@celoxisppm I thought initially this was going to be a story about how you successfully lost all that weight after the baby by doing CICO again. Thank you for saying what you said! I'm figuring out now that genetics and my body type are something that would be too hard for me to fight against, especially considering my limited leisure time and how much I enjoy food.

I have this conversation with my partner a lot, and he has never blinked at my weight gain. I'm still happy, healthy-ish and also importantly, my daughter is watching and listening to how I talk about my own body. I can't expect her to be okay with her body (she is a sturdier girl, like I am) if I'm telling her one thing and then behaving completely differently about my own weight.

 

[katrina2017]

@celoxisppm I’ve had a similar approach but it’s expensive. I have to replace all my clothes I don’t fit into.

 

[katrad2011]

@katrina2017 This is my biggest issue. It feels so wasteful to buy new stuff - especially when I still love my old stuff. I truly wish I could just swap wardrobes with someone in my new size.

 

[jesking]

@morirach For me personally eating way more protein and lifting heavy weights has been the key.

If you're not eating at least 1g of protein per kilogram of body weight, you're not eating enough protein and you're probably bingeing on carbs and high fat food more than is helpful.

Your body likely feels different because you lost a ton of muscle during pregnancy and postpartum. Exercising 4-5 days per week is great but if it's mostly cardio for example you're not going to see the body composition changes. Building muscle should be the priority.