Breastfeeding Destroying Me Emotionally

[pjnovak]

@sadcdmom I’m so sorry things haven’t worked out the way you wanted but you sound like you’re killing it! A mom of three Honestly that schedule sounds a lot more reasonable than what I’m currently doing, and since I go back to work in a week I know I’ll have to tone it down. I’m glad to hear you’re in a place of acceptance and that I’m not alone.

 

[addisonleigh]

@pjnovak I feel you! I was thinking the same during my first month. I almost gave up giving the breast altogether at week 5. I realised we took shifts and tanked my supply as well... so... We triple fed for a long time, and the best advice I received here in this sub.

What worked for me:
- eat more protein, drink coconut water and salted water with lemon juice for the taste (or a sports drink)
- when I say eat more protein, I mean eat much more protein lol! I can see the difference when I forget to or cannot eat meat. I cannot stress this enough.
- Breastfeeding equals 2x 2h workouts a day so on average I need one more full meal (500cal) per day.
- in terms of pumping: use a manual pump. Put baby on breast 1 with a suction collector cup on breast 2, change them, then put baby on breast 2 and with the other hand pump manually on breast 1. Next feed start baby on breast 2, etc. I use the medela manual pump. You might need a flange adjustment if your nipple is smaller than the standard 24mm.
- give yourself a break. My husband had to remind me each time we gave him a formula bottle that we are still giving him breastmilk and that is what matters. I cried a lot because i felt like a failure, but my husband was there. At some point, it clicked. We did our best. I give the breast amap, the rest is up to baby. As long as he's fed! Combo feeding is fine!

 

[pjnovak]

@addisonleigh Thank you for the suggestions. The manual pumps never worked great for me though I try to eat a lot of protein and stay hydrated but I could always be better!

 

[aturtle]

@pjnovak We had a similar rough start. Long induced labor, birth complications that delayed getting help nursing, hospital pushed donor milk from bottle, didn’t pump enough etc. I shared a lot of your same emotions and grief over how things went. I definitely felt a lot of stress and anxiety for a while too.

Honestly, once I accepted that I’d just have to combo feed, I was able to start enjoying breastfeeding. Before, I would cry and cry wondering if my baby was getting enough and blaming myself for not having a sufficient supply.

Now I almost always bf first and then offer formula after. I think of my boobs as his appetizer, and it makes me feel much less pressure. I know he’ll get all the calories he needs one way or another. I’d guess he’s about 50/50. Now it’s become more about bonding, which I love. I hardly ever bother with pumping (which I hated) so that’s another reason I’m happier overall.

Not saying this is what you have to do, just sharing my experience. I definitely will do some things differently with my next baby to see if I can have a better supply and at least the option to try EBF, but I am definitely comfortable with combo feeding again (and would maybe even choose to no matter what because it lessens my anxiety over baby weight gain?).

No matter how your journey goes from here, I hope you find what works for you! Remember, fed is best!

 

[pjnovak]

@aturtle Thank you for sharing. My stress and anxiety have been through the roof these past three months. I think I just need to come to some place of acceptance so maybe that does look like accepting combo feeding for us. I think the uncertainty of “Will this ever work?” And “is he getting enough?” Are just too detrimental to balance out any enjoyment I might find (at the moment I’m not)

 

[aturtle]

@pjnovak Yeah that sounds like exactly how I was feeling. I almost just stopped breastfeeding altogether (which is a totally valid option too!). I think they could have worked for me also, but now I’m glad I still combo feed because there have been some really sweet bonding moments and nursing is an easy way to comfort him. It definitely took me a few weeks to shift my mjndset to focus on bonding instead of feeding so if you decide to try it, give yourself some time!

In case it’s helpful, I did do weighted feeds for a while to estimate how much he was getting off the boob, and that helped me determine how much formula to supplement with. It helped me feel more confident in how much he was getting. Giving all formula would take out all guess work so if you’re still anxious about it that might be something to consider.

 

[pjnovak]

@aturtle My husband was just saying this today, that at the end of the day I wanted to breastfeed for the bonding/enjoyment of it so I should focus on that and if I have to supplement on top, so what? It’s hard getting over the “I’m not enough” mindset but I agree I’m getting in my own way of what really matters. Were you doing weighted feeds with an LC or with a scale at home? I’ve done both and it’s never more than 1.5 oz, which is okay, he’s just a hungry growing boy and I know that’s not enough!

 

[aturtle]

@pjnovak I did one with an LC privately, and a couple at a breast feeding support group run by an LC once a week. I did end up getting a scale at home though because I was able to do it more frequently and figure out my baseline faster.

It gave me more reassurance to have it at home, but other people warned it could increase anxiety…which I could see, but I like having more info to go off of instead of wondering and worrying.

My supply was similar, but I used the scale to help me know how much formula he needed while I was figuring it all out! I learned his hunger cues better over time too, so I didn’t need to use the scale for too long.

The mindset switch and emotional side was definitely the hardest part. I’m glad was able to work through that though and hope you can too if you decide to! Remember…YOU are enough even if your supply is not. You’re doing great, mama!

 

[phishin]

@pjnovak We have had no issues with breastfeeding/latching/ties and we are still combo feeding because it just makes things easier for me, and as a result my supply isn't quite enough, because I hate pumping, and that's okay.

If combo feeding works for you, great! If EBF weekend, great! If formula only works, great!

You don't have to exclusive breastfeed, or breastfeed at all, or breastfeed forever. You're not a bad mom, and your not failing your kid. Frankly, I only breastfeed because I enjoy it, which was unexpected. If I didn't he would be formula fed and I would not feel bad about it at all.

Eta my birth story was very much the same. It sucks. But it's going to be okay. Your baby is loved and safe and that's all that matters.

 

[phishin]

@pjnovak We had to experiment with like 8 different nipples to get the flow right. We ended up buying a multipack with different flow rates and once we figured out what worked bought more of those. They are the same brand that were on the ready to feed bottles they gave us at the hospital when his weight was dropping. The blue ones are what work best for us.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08TB7CGPM?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

 

[promethius9594]

@pjnovak Hey! A happy mom is important for your
LO too. You did it for 12(!) week, which is amazing in itself. Don’t be too hard on yourself & maybe ask if you’d be a happier mom for your baby if you quit and that you can both more enjoy the remainder of your maternity leave.

(Also I know it’s difficult to give up, I’m in the process myself now too).

 

[pjnovak]

@promethius9594 I debate about it with myself almost everyday unfortunately I only have one week left. I’m holding out some hope that when we fix his oral ties he might transfer better?

 

[brobrendan]

@pjnovak You might check out r/formulafeeders for some support if that transition feels right for you.

 

[pjnovak]

@brobrendan I didn’t know that community existed and honestly it does make me feel better!

 

[marjmorris]

@brobrendan Here's a sneak peek of /r/FormulaFeeders using the top posts of the year!

#1: I've been devastated that breastfeeding didn't work out so I spoiled myself w this setup. | 159 comments

#2: Can we not with the ‘clean formula’ crap?

#3: For those thinking about making the switch....formula is an amazing secret

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