Breach of custody contract

[tricky]

Divorced in September. Got stuck with a shitty lawyer and ended up getting f***. In the custody of my children. Ex has on multiple occasions had the kids call me 20 minutes before pickup, was told the kids don’t want to come over because they have plans going on but she would be happy to bring them to me if I insisted…… I get the kids the first 3 weekends of the month and the last Thursday Friday of the month. I have 3 children and now my oldest has stopped coming over completely. They have told me on several occasions they are told if they don’t want to come over they don’t have to by my ex. So now he doesn’t come over. I have thought about calling the cops for that county but was told it’s a civil matter and there is nothing they will do about. If I start documenting all of the breech of contracts that have happened is it worth going to court over to try to get it resolved or possibly more custody?

P.s. in our contract it says if time is lost by one parent we are allowed to reschedule that time lost. It also states that neither parent can talk badly or alienate the parent from the child and it feels like that is what has happened.

 

[whereismysalvation]

@tricky How old are your children? My 13yo would not go to her father’s for 4 months. I have sole custody and he gets supervised visits and as long as my daughter chooses not to see him there is nothing that can be done. I finally at Christmas got her dad to come to our house with his new girlfriend on our daughters terms of how she felt most comfortable to see her. I take my daughter’s lead and she finally just saw him without me a week ago.

In your case I would document and ask the kids very gently if there is a problem coming to your house because whatever it is you want to fix it. You may not see a problem and there may not be one, but your willingness to do anything to see your kids will speak volumes. I truly hope their mom is not influencing in anyway without just cause.

 

[tricky]

@whereismysalvation 11, 9, and 5 the oldest is the one that doesn’t come over and he did come over when it was my time but has now decided he isn’t going to anymore when my ex and I were towards the end of our divorce. i make efforts and have told my ex several times that she needs to bring him with her and she will just tell me that I am traumatizing him more by making him come over to our house. I would understand if none of the kids wanted to come over but the other 2 want to. I have raised my children for 9 years and I have always been there for everything. He has told us on multiple occasions that his mom has said things to him that he doesn’t have to do when he is at our house. We have rules and things that we do differently over at our house.

 

[whereismysalvation]

@tricky Is there anyway you could get them to agree to family counseling so you can get to the bottom of why your child is refusing? What if you offered to pick the 11yo up on off time and take them somewhere they enjoy to try and have some bonding time.

What about contacting the school and speaking with a counselor? If a child refuses to see the other parent in my eyes they should have counseling because that means something is bothersome enough to not want to go. My daughter has been with her counselor over 4 years and she also sees the school counselor. I speak with them both regularly.

If all else fails I’d find a lawyer. See if you qualify for a free lawyer. The last lawyer I had was no cost for me and he honestly gave me the best eye opening advice any lawyer has.

 

[tricky]

@whereismysalvation Okay that’s where we will go towards then

 

[bell86]

@tricky My daughter is autistic and refused to go to her dads for an entire summer! She was 12 at the time and would sometimes go during the day but always wanted to come home at night. He got super frustrated after a few weeks rightfully so but I also wasn’t going to put her in a situation where she couldn’t calm down or feel safe. We ended up in family therapy thank god he listened to me to go! It turns out her ceiling fan at his house was slowly coming down and scared her but she couldn’t communicate that ( she has issues with this) he fixed it and problem solved. Therapy helps a lot of the time! Also it may be parent alienation so a third party would be wise to

 

[spookydawg77]

@tricky Document and go back to court. That's your only option really. Police don't generally get involved in custody disputes unless explicitly ordered to by a judge.

 

[nedi]

@tricky Depending on the rules in the area but if the child isn’t old enough to make that decision then you need to document all of it and go back to court.

 

[joyfilled]

@tricky Why don’t you examine how disruptive it is to the kids to visit and rethink things. Are they away from their friends, activities, etc? How often are you supposed to have them? Some people are more home bodies and just like to be at home. I think that should be respected and maybe you should make an effort to meet him in his comfort zone. Could you pick him up after school and take him to the library and out for ice cream before bringing him home? If you insist that all of your parenting time has to be at your house, you might miss out on valuable connection with the kids.

 

[tricky]

@joyfilled Yes I completely understand but now it’s getting to a point where I only get the youngest one. I am getting excuses from ex about why they aren’t coming over such as shoe shopping or she told me that they don’t have to come over because they have birthday parties or other activities which when it is my time I have gladly taken them to. Phone calls are being ignored and I am told it is past bed time when it’s 7:30 at night or earlier.

 

[mike331]

@tricky I'm sorry you are going through this, but the kids can choose to visit or not.

Especially as they get older.

What you need to do, is find out why?
Find other ways to connect with them, and be proactive.

 

[tricky]

@mike331 The children are 11, 9 and 5 they do not have a decision to make about coming to our house. Before the divorced was finalized I noticed a difference in my oldest. He started acting out crying that he didn’t want to be at our house he just wanted to stay at his moms and not do anything (they don’t make him do anything over there.) But he would come over throw a huge fit and freak out and want to go home. this was 2 month a before it was finalized. He then stopped coming over all together and only wants to come when he thinks we are going to buy him stuff. The last time he was here I was explaining to the kids how summer is coming up and we are excited to have them every other week since it will be week on week off during the summer. He rudely told me that he will not be coming over and he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to and he will throw a fit if he does.

 

[kryptonkangaroo]

@tricky You keep saying “we” and “our house” like you’re living with someone less than two years after you and your ex split/divorced. Do the kids have an issue with your new partner that they aren’t communicating to you? Are you continuing to make sure the kids are keeping their plans with friends or able to attend their activities on your time? Three weekends a month is a lot if their normal schedule with activities and plans is disrupted and it’ll only get worse the older they get. They may also be feeling shuffled around on almost every weekend of the month and that they never get much time at home to relax on the weekends.

 

[tricky]

@kryptonkangaroo Yes always. We take them to all of there activities that they have going on on our time.

 

[mike331]

@tricky Depending on your local government, the 2 elder kids could make that decision.. So, I would look into it before taking any action.