@debbs3692 Nah. One of my mom friends told me the other day that she is overwhelmed all the time and cannot stand her children and then told me yesterday she and her husband are trying for baby number 4 (to be clear - they're Catholic so technically they've been trying since she had baby #3 since birth control is a sin...unless they've been abstinent but we aren't close enough for me to want to know that).
I know at least two separate moms having babies for their older children.
And I know one mom who is on her third baby because her babies keep growing up and she likes babies.
Fwiw, my son is a "trick" baby and lmao I would never have another baby. No thx. Every day is better and more fun. He just gets more interesting.
@jhen Actually, relatively recently the Catholic Church okayed birth control use. (Source: I went to 12 years of Catholic school>now I’m what my mom refers to as a “fallen away Catholic”)
@debbs3692 I feel the same but then I remind myself that I’m not throwing any more kids into the water wars of 2050, thanks. I love my kids, unborn and not born… they deserve better than what’s happening.
@debbs3692 I have a 2 year old. My husband’s cousin had a baby the day before mine was born. She’s since had another and is pregnant intentionally AGAIN. I just can’t understand how they find it so easy they willingly will have 3 under 3. Just seems insane to me which makes me sad that I don’t feel like it’s that easy to have more too.
@debbs3692 Yea once your little one is about to turn 2 you’ll get a lot of those “#2under2” posts and then another slew around the 3rd birthday with “2under3”. I think a lot of people just have easy kids/lots of extra childcare support/relatively easy pregnancy and birth so that’s why they’re able to. Also I had to do multiple IVFs just for one living child, only 1% of people even need IVF and are super fertile so for the fertiles they often claim they accidentally got pregnant a second time around.
@debbs3692 Speaking as a dad rather than a mom, I’m just so grateful we were able to have 1 and can (sort of) afford 1. I know many people have it easier than us in terms of money, energy, health, etc, but I know that SO SO SO SO SO SO many people have it so much worse. So I’m just grateful and I try to leave my thoughts and feelings on that note.
@debbs3692 I think most women have babies because they get pregnant. Meaning - the stigma to have an abortion is so bad they just go through with a kid. I know this happened to my sister, and many others in my family. I got pregnant twice (on birth control) and the stigma was really bad. I went to a free clinic for my first and didn’t realize it was a religious front. I was leaning towards abortion and the clinic person exclaimed “this is a miracle!!” When the test and scan came back positive. The pressure was high. I ended up having the baby. A few months after birth (on iud again) I got pregnant again. The doctor was excited for me (6 months pp) until I said “No I need to not be pregnant” and then I got a short attitude and a reference for another place to have it done. At that place I had to see the screen of the fetus I didn’t want (I would’ve def killed myself if I had to go through with birthing and raising it at that point in my life). Do you know how hard it was to still go through with it? Horrifying. After that I got pregnant AGAIN and this time went to planned parenthood. I was very careful to not get pregnant and still got pregnant and overcoming the stigma not to be was fking tough. If it had been a little harder I’d have 3 kids and a drug problem. And mind you my kid is fucking the best and is easy compared to most - my body chemistry just gets really fucked when I’m pregnant and each time it was a struggle for my body to stay regulated.
@debbs3692 I saw your post yesterday but it kept going back to me bc I felt the second part so much
I sometimes resent and grief a bit about the fact that my motherhood was nothing like I thought it would be and how my husbands parenting caused me to be OAD
I do envy a bit those who seem to have had a better partner to support them that they wanted another kid
I don’t know if it makes sense
I’m 100% OAD and it’s my choice but I sometimes feel like I was forced to choose this
