Baby #2 Posts
- Thread starter debbs3692
- Start date
drwoodrowak
New member
@debbs3692 Absolutely yes to your “second thought.” My son screamed for 80% of the first 7 months of his life (severe silent reflux, milk protein allergy, highly sensitive baby). I was severely depressed as a result. It took us a while to realize that our experience was not “normal.” We are both traumatized from those days and we can’t imagine going through that again. When I see my friends happily announcing their second babies I feel totally robbed. 
Here for you in solidarity mama!
Here for you in solidarity mama!glad2besaved
New member
@debbs3692 My sister is pregnant with #2 and I guarantee you it hasn’t been easy. She has a deadbeat fiancé, they live in his fathers house without heating or finished flooring, she was in school at the same time as being full time parent, she regularly had arguments with him because he comes home from work bitching that she doesn’t have food on the table and the house is a mess. But they needed a second one because she loves being a mother and the daughter needs a sibling close in age.
She was invited to my wedding and the plot was to show her a good relationship and the things that could come out of that because hers is so shit, except now she’s pregnant and due a day before and can’t fly, so that plan is out the window.
She was invited to my wedding and the plot was to show her a good relationship and the things that could come out of that because hers is so shit, except now she’s pregnant and due a day before and can’t fly, so that plan is out the window.
leemalcher
New member
@debbs3692 Always op 
totally with you there. My daughter will be six soon and I have never ever forgotten how hard we had it and how when she was just a month shy of turning five stated sleeping thru the night.
I look at a mom friend I have with a toddler who is 20 months and has slept thru the night since three months old and I’m just like how???
And it’s interesting because they really can’t fathom what we went thru in raising my daughter. Like almost as if they don’t believe me? Since they basically had a unicorn child…
I do think though that those who have those easy firsts go on to have a wake up call with number two
totally with you there. My daughter will be six soon and I have never ever forgotten how hard we had it and how when she was just a month shy of turning five stated sleeping thru the night.I look at a mom friend I have with a toddler who is 20 months and has slept thru the night since three months old and I’m just like how???
And it’s interesting because they really can’t fathom what we went thru in raising my daughter. Like almost as if they don’t believe me? Since they basically had a unicorn child…
I do think though that those who have those easy firsts go on to have a wake up call with number two
@leemalcher My son is 2.5 and never slept thru the night and this is one of the reasons I am OAD. People who have babies/toddlers/little kids who sleep don't get it. YEARS of not sleeping a full night is 
leemalcher
New member
@leemalcher Thank you and honestly just knowing there are at least some people out there who can relate is immensely helpful and validating 
gregzip207
New member
@leemalcher My 5 year old doesn’t sleep through the night yet 
I’m in a October 2017 baby group and some people are now announcing their 4th pregnancies
luckily being single and celibate for 6 years has helped me avoid that but even if I was still with my ex - I don’t think I’d want another child, since I’d be the default parent still. Whenever I tell people my kid doesn’t sleep, I think they think I mean “lol he goes to sleep at 8pm when he should be going at 7pm.” Not that he’s awake most the night and will happily stay awake for 17+ hours every.single.day 
I’m in a October 2017 baby group and some people are now announcing their 4th pregnancies
luckily being single and celibate for 6 years has helped me avoid that but even if I was still with my ex - I don’t think I’d want another child, since I’d be the default parent still. Whenever I tell people my kid doesn’t sleep, I think they think I mean “lol he goes to sleep at 8pm when he should be going at 7pm.” Not that he’s awake most the night and will happily stay awake for 17+ hours every.single.day leemalcher
New member
@gregzip207 Oh gosh I’m so sorry it’s amazing what some of us parents go thru isn’t it.. when I hear new moms complaining about a few months of not sleeping thru the night I’m always like try years!! I know it’s not a competition but mannn.. of course those will go on to have another, or it will be easier for them to decide to have another.
I’m truly praying your little one starts sleeping thru soon!
it’s amazing what some of us parents go thru isn’t it.. when I hear new moms complaining about a few months of not sleeping thru the night I’m always like try years!! I know it’s not a competition but mannn.. of course those will go on to have another, or it will be easier for them to decide to have another. I’m truly praying your little one starts sleeping thru soon!
@debbs3692 Idk, maybe it’s just because I’ve had too many friends and family have two or more seemingly without thinking it all the way through, but I would sooner believe they’re just pushing themselves past their limits for what they want/think they should have than assume it was just that easy for them the first time around. Shit, a lot of people aren’t even all that cognizant of what their limits are and regularly barrel past them. Like yeah, it is that easy for some people, but I think for more people it’s just what you do or they want em so bad they don’t care what it takes to get them.
My own mother had an absolutely miserable time with my older sister and then turned right around and paid out the nose for fertility drugs to have me. I have friends who are flat broke and still actively trying for another. People make unintuitive decisions (hesitate to say bad because it depends) like that all the damn time.
Also yeah a lot of babies are unplanned. Something like 55% in the US?
My own mother had an absolutely miserable time with my older sister and then turned right around and paid out the nose for fertility drugs to have me. I have friends who are flat broke and still actively trying for another. People make unintuitive decisions (hesitate to say bad because it depends) like that all the damn time.
Also yeah a lot of babies are unplanned. Something like 55% in the US?
@debbs3692 This is the thread I've been looking for. I don't feel so alone anymore! 16 month old baby, all the mom friends are pregnant and I'm here breastfeeding, cosleeping and going wtf. I can't imagine planning let alone having a second. The stress. The risks involved. The cost. The wrinkles. The loss of freedom. I'd do it all again for my baby but not for a second one. The cost (physical, emotional, social, mental, financial) is exponential. I mean.... Two car seats?? Wtf. Bravo to the parents of multiples but.... What are you thinking? I don't understand.
@debbs3692 Yes absolutely. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong bc I'm 2.5 years in and ya know...still got a toddler not sleeping thru the night for example. I mean I literally would not be able to deal with a second and the fact that others are in a place where they're excited for a baby makes me feel jealous bc I had originally seen myself with 3+! I'm firmly OAD now and I'm fine with it bc this is so hard but then I'm like damn so for some people it's NOT so hard....
@debbs3692 I have a friend who had hyperemesis with her first 2 & then the oldest has quite serious behavioural issues she finds really challenging. My friend has been depressed for a while but decided to have a 3rd. I don’t say that with judgment just wanted to give the perspective that it doesn’t mean they had an easier time, some people just really want more! I don’t understand it personally but that’s ok.
realestateweb3
New member
@debbs3692 My only is special needs, he requires 10x more care than a normal child.
So yea i always think other moms have it easier that’s why they have more.
So yea i always think other moms have it easier that’s why they have more.
lesangeles97
New member
@debbs3692 I find it crazy people announcing second pregnancy. My son is 14 months. Still haven't got used to having him in the world. And he gets sick constantly and still not sleeping through
@debbs3692 My thoughts exactly!
If my situation were different, I'd love to have 1-2 more kids but it would break me because of traumatic birth, health issues, and no family help.
If my situation were different, I'd love to have 1-2 more kids but it would break me because of traumatic birth, health issues, and no family help.
@debbs3692 My daughter is 4 and most of my family who had babies around the same time are now on their third kid. I was jealous after the second kid cause I couldn’t believe people had it good enough with their first one that they wanted another. But at three I’m like, that’s way too much for me to handle. I’m very happy with my one.
glorylandgal
New member
@debbs3692 I’m 39 weeks pregnant and I am definitely one and done! It might sound selfish, but I honestly feel I’ve so much to do and if a second baby comes I won’t be able to do them. Another thing is that the world changed, financially speaking me and my fiancé are not in the best position and since I want to get back to my career I think it makes sense to have one child!!!! There’s nothing wrong on feeling like that 
His parents keep talking about second baby and many people have asked. I’m just ignoring them and keep saying the same thing “oh okay” lol
His parents keep talking about second baby and many people have asked. I’m just ignoring them and keep saying the same thing “oh okay” lolkatrina2017
New member
@debbs3692 A lot of people don't show the behind the scenes. I found it really hard and told a lot of my friends how it really is. One of my GFs was like wow thanks for being honest because her other friends paint sunshine and rainbows and how they have their shit together...
@katrina2017 In an age of Pinterest parenting, no one wants to admit that they can't keep up/aren't interested/don't have the wherewithall to have a partner, fourteen kids, eight dogs all dressed in matching outfits every occasion, three home cooked meals a day, house perfectly kept all the time, everyone in great spirits all the time etc.
It's a really hard thing looking at yourself in the mirror and admit these things. And then taking the additional step to vocalize these feelings to friends can be tricky, as people inevitably make it about themselves ("why are they attacking me?") instead of showing sympathy for your particular reasoning for how you arrive at OAD.
It's a really hard thing looking at yourself in the mirror and admit these things. And then taking the additional step to vocalize these feelings to friends can be tricky, as people inevitably make it about themselves ("why are they attacking me?") instead of showing sympathy for your particular reasoning for how you arrive at OAD.