My LO turns 2 next week and is still up 1-2x a night...basically every three hours at the moment. We didn't do CIO, I just couldn't, but y'all, I am so freaking tired. My husband is great and generally jumps up to do the 3am shift so I don't have to, but for me it's still generally me falling asleep by 11, her up needing to be soothed back down around 12:30, then up again at 3-3:30am, up for the day at 6:30. Even though he gets up, you can't sleep through your baby crying her eyes out. We also both work high stress full time jobs. I'm so tired. Is does this end? Did I screw up by not just letting her cry (which still sounds awful). I'm just so tired all...the...time.
Am I ever going to sleep again?
- Thread starter 3angels
- Start date
Thanks, all. So we have already moved her to a toddler bed. She slept really well when we let her sleep in the big bed, so we figured it may be more of an incentive if she had her own bed instead of crib (made zero difference either way). We let her pick her pjs, she calls them, "Pick'm outs", lol, and have a pretty standard routine. We use white noise and a low nightlight, and only rock to sleep. At 3am we are getting into the habit of just bringing her to bed with us...but we legitimately need to sleep to function. She doesn't have a specific love, it changes every day, she even has two separate blankets, she's very specific about which ones she wants for what night. I'm at a loss.
abnormal2001
New member
@3angels IDK if this will help but my second just. didn’t. sleep. We tried literally everything one can try, read (or tried to read through a fog of sleep deprivation 
) every book about sleep, and nothing. She woke up at least once a night, dropped naps at the age of two, just… no sleep. I would look forward to extremely boring work trips so I could sleep in the sweet, sweet solitude of the Hilton Garden Inn.
And then one night, right after she turned 3, she just…started to sleep. She slept all night, without waking up. And then two nights later she did it again, and again. NGL it took me a while to stop waking up at night but I promise it DID happen, and it did work itself out, and someday that will be the case for you, too.
ETA: we also had to move her out of a crib early (like~16m) because she was climbing out head-first, so I agree the bed is an extra challenge, but honestly I don’t think that was the root of it, because she also wasn’t sleeping in her crib anyway.
) every book about sleep, and nothing. She woke up at least once a night, dropped naps at the age of two, just… no sleep. I would look forward to extremely boring work trips so I could sleep in the sweet, sweet solitude of the Hilton Garden Inn.And then one night, right after she turned 3, she just…started to sleep. She slept all night, without waking up. And then two nights later she did it again, and again. NGL it took me a while to stop waking up at night but I promise it DID happen, and it did work itself out, and someday that will be the case for you, too.
ETA: we also had to move her out of a crib early (like~16m) because she was climbing out head-first, so I agree the bed is an extra challenge, but honestly I don’t think that was the root of it, because she also wasn’t sleeping in her crib anyway.
lovehumility7
New member
@abnormal2001 I’m hoping this is the case for us. I feel like I’ve tried everything and we still have night waking every few nights at almost 3 and I feel so disheartened at this point
mariefromtexas
New member
@3angels Usually kids have an easier time on the crib and aren’t that ready for the independence of the bed yet at 2. We transitioned our oldest at two but in hindsight I would’ve kept her in a crib until 3.
What time is bed time? What time is her nap? For how long does she nap for and how long is she up for between nap and bedtime?
She’s 2, so you bringing her to bed with you is literally teaching her that it’s ok for her to do that. It’s not the same as having a 3 month old in your bed. If you want her to sleep in her bed you’re gonna need to set that boundary.
I don’t know if you saw my comment above, but look into bedtime fading. You need to teach her her sleep space is her bed, and when she gets up you simply bring her back, saying once whatever key phrase you choose (like “it’s time to sleep now”), without making conversation, without tucking in, nothing other than calmly bringing her back after you’ve done your nighttime routine.
What time is bed time? What time is her nap? For how long does she nap for and how long is she up for between nap and bedtime?
She’s 2, so you bringing her to bed with you is literally teaching her that it’s ok for her to do that. It’s not the same as having a 3 month old in your bed. If you want her to sleep in her bed you’re gonna need to set that boundary.
I don’t know if you saw my comment above, but look into bedtime fading. You need to teach her her sleep space is her bed, and when she gets up you simply bring her back, saying once whatever key phrase you choose (like “it’s time to sleep now”), without making conversation, without tucking in, nothing other than calmly bringing her back after you’ve done your nighttime routine.
@mariefromtexas We thought about trying to go back to the crib, but she's also now exceeded the safe height for the crib. She's already at 36" (girl is tall!), and the max height is 35".
I'll definitely look into sleep fading!
I'll definitely look into sleep fading!
mariefromtexas
New member
thomasthadius
New member
@3angels My almost-two-year-old is also up 2-3 times a night, so you definitely aren’t alone. My first (now 6) did not take to sleep training even though we tried multiple, multiple times for weeks at a time. Finally right around when she turned 3 her sleep greatly improved (although she still woke up and came into our bed once during the night). This time around I refused to even try sleep training and I’m just riding it out.
@3angels There’s lots of advice here but I just wanted to say that even if you decide not to change anything you your little one WILL sleep through the night, probably sooner than you think and almost definitely out of the blue.
We were similar to you, never did CIO, soothed for every sleep and attended every wake up. She went into a floor bed in her own room at 18 months and now at 2.5 years we are having maybe one wakeup a night but often sleeping through. Nothing changed, it just happened.
It will get better even though it feels like it will never ever end
We were similar to you, never did CIO, soothed for every sleep and attended every wake up. She went into a floor bed in her own room at 18 months and now at 2.5 years we are having maybe one wakeup a night but often sleeping through. Nothing changed, it just happened.
It will get better even though it feels like it will never ever end
@3angels I won’t comment on the sleep training versus not thing, personally we didn’t do it and wouldn’t do it in the future, but that’s our personal choice and obviously everyone has their own opinion. I will say that my 2.5 year old sleeps through the night most nights unless he’s sick or teething or whatever, but I still found myself SO TIRED. And it turns out it was reversible with diet changes (increasing protein and veg, and decreasing sugar), supplements (vitamin D and magnesium, I also started taking a multi), and sleep hygiene (limit nighttime screens, increase exercise by regularly biking to work, stop caffeine, morning sun, stop alcohol, go to bed earlier). That’s just my experience, but being tired was for me a large part of reversible factors in myself, despite my child being a pretty good sleeper. Obviously I’m not minimizing sleep disruption, but this is just what helped me.
chrisflip8
New member
@3angels My daughter didn't sleep much. The first time she slept through the night was at 21 months, but after that, it continued to be very infrequent. Maybe once per week, if we were lucky. Otherwise, she would fall asleep around 930 or 10 pm and then would wake up at some point between 1 and 3 am and would be awake for 2 hours, and I had to be up with her during those hours. It was exhausting!
We went to the sleep clinic to rule out medical concerns and then went to the sleep psychologist to work on behavioral aspects. Things got a little better between ages 3 and 5, as she started sleeping through the night 2 or 3 times per week. As she got older, she didn't scream if I wasn't in with her, but we had to put an alarm on her door to prevent her from going on "night time adventures" while we slept.
Then, when she started kindergarten, she just started sleeping! She is 7 now and still has nights where she can't sleep well, but she now knows to stay in her room.
It is hard when they don't sleep, especially if you are a working parent. I can't say for certain that yours will sleep better, but it does get easier as they get older.
We went to the sleep clinic to rule out medical concerns and then went to the sleep psychologist to work on behavioral aspects. Things got a little better between ages 3 and 5, as she started sleeping through the night 2 or 3 times per week. As she got older, she didn't scream if I wasn't in with her, but we had to put an alarm on her door to prevent her from going on "night time adventures" while we slept.
Then, when she started kindergarten, she just started sleeping! She is 7 now and still has nights where she can't sleep well, but she now knows to stay in her room.
It is hard when they don't sleep, especially if you are a working parent. I can't say for certain that yours will sleep better, but it does get easier as they get older.
@3angels My son is almost two and it’s VERY inconsistent whether he sleeps all night or not. He will do several nights with no wakes and then be up 2-3x for a few nights - not always rhyme or reason as to why. The resource I’ve found helpful in trying to build good sleep habits for him is “heysleepybaby” on instagram. We’ve phased out walking around the room and now just rock at wakes and for bedtime, he goes to sleep independently at naps with a few minutes max of whining, and we’re hoping to transition him to either a toddler bed or putting him down before he’s fully asleep at some point - he’s due for tubes before his 2nd birthday so we may just wait til those are in to see if that may help some. It’s not linear for us, but heysleepybaby has a great bedtimes workbook for sale that has a lot of helpful strategies for older toddlers/kids struggling with bedtime. Recently he’s started literally running laps around his room before bedtime so I think he’s just really high energy and we have to give him outlets for that. Additionally, cutting his nap to 2 hours has helped with waking as much. For what it’s worth, he slept independently for a long time and then stopped when he got sick once. We’ve tried CIO twice and it doesn’t seem to stick and breaks my heart to do it again
@3angels I didn’t do CIO but “space soothing” at 6 months (had great sleep for 12 months) then at 18 months it’s been nothing but bad times. Similar to you, I am up every 2 hours my child is 2. So my point, I did sleep training and it’s still effed.
Sleep training (CIO, space soothing) doesn’t determine their sleeping future…i am ready for it to end too. Fingers crossed for the both of us
Sleep training (CIO, space soothing) doesn’t determine their sleeping future…i am ready for it to end too. Fingers crossed for the both of us
mariefromtexas
New member
mariefromtexas
New member
@3angels I sleep trained my first at 7 months and again at 2. My second, who is 18 months, I didn’t due to circumstances and I deeply regret it.
You can sleep train a two year old but it’s a different process. You should look into bedtime fading, and maybe use a night light to try to correct the wake ups?
Edit: btw sleep training doesn’t have to be “just letting your baby cry”. Although it might be a necessary choice in extreme circumstances, most parents go with options that wouldn’t leave their baby thinking you’re not going to tend to their needs when they cry. I wonder if sleep training wouldn’t have a better reputation (or be less controversial) if we simply called it “teaching independent sleep”.
You can sleep train a two year old but it’s a different process. You should look into bedtime fading, and maybe use a night light to try to correct the wake ups?
Edit: btw sleep training doesn’t have to be “just letting your baby cry”. Although it might be a necessary choice in extreme circumstances, most parents go with options that wouldn’t leave their baby thinking you’re not going to tend to their needs when they cry. I wonder if sleep training wouldn’t have a better reputation (or be less controversial) if we simply called it “teaching independent sleep”.
noiramrnslmc
New member
@3angels It's so hard. And clearly you are not alone. These little things we love come in all shapes and sometimes that shape just won't frigging sleep!
I'm a pragmatist with this kind of stuff. Sit with your partner and define the problem clearly. I'm so tired is just the top level, is it not enough overall sleep (could build in some naps for yourself or go to bed earlier) or broken sleep. If it's broken sleep, is it as bad when you don't get up? Is it because you're having trouble going back to sleep (maybe you are but not him and that indicates different solutions). Do you sleep well enough with the kid in your bed? Work on getting a little more rest for yourself first, inflatable bed in another room and switch nights or weeks, good earplugs (love my loops) for when it's not your turn, nights in a hotel for a couple days to get some energy back, going to bed earlier for a little while, melatonin, meditation apps (love the headspace app night casts, also try MySleepButton). Consider getting a reset on your sleep THE main priority for a little while, cancel some plans, outsource some care tasks if you can, eat out of paper plates, whatever will free you up to get a clearer mind.
Step 2, you work on the kid. One thing I liked to do when we were stuck in an annoying wake routine was to actually put my alarm a bit before the actual wake up time of the kid and then gently nudge them so they wake a bit and then let them go back to sleep. It broke their routine for a couple nights and afterwards sometimes they kinda forgot to wake up at the time they used to. There's also the common advice of being a broken record, always saying the same thing when you go in and not be overly comforting so it's not too interesting to see you. And, if that's what you want to do, when you're more tested, it will be easier to decide whether to bring in your bed or not. Make the deciding in the daylight with your partner and then try to stick to it when it's the middle of the night!
I'm a pragmatist with this kind of stuff. Sit with your partner and define the problem clearly. I'm so tired is just the top level, is it not enough overall sleep (could build in some naps for yourself or go to bed earlier) or broken sleep. If it's broken sleep, is it as bad when you don't get up? Is it because you're having trouble going back to sleep (maybe you are but not him and that indicates different solutions). Do you sleep well enough with the kid in your bed? Work on getting a little more rest for yourself first, inflatable bed in another room and switch nights or weeks, good earplugs (love my loops) for when it's not your turn, nights in a hotel for a couple days to get some energy back, going to bed earlier for a little while, melatonin, meditation apps (love the headspace app night casts, also try MySleepButton). Consider getting a reset on your sleep THE main priority for a little while, cancel some plans, outsource some care tasks if you can, eat out of paper plates, whatever will free you up to get a clearer mind.
Step 2, you work on the kid. One thing I liked to do when we were stuck in an annoying wake routine was to actually put my alarm a bit before the actual wake up time of the kid and then gently nudge them so they wake a bit and then let them go back to sleep. It broke their routine for a couple nights and afterwards sometimes they kinda forgot to wake up at the time they used to. There's also the common advice of being a broken record, always saying the same thing when you go in and not be overly comforting so it's not too interesting to see you. And, if that's what you want to do, when you're more tested, it will be easier to decide whether to bring in your bed or not. Make the deciding in the daylight with your partner and then try to stick to it when it's the middle of the night!