About to miscarry at 7 wks gestational age at home alone with a 2.5 yr old

[gomez2219]

@mijuk95 Who pays the bills if he stops working? Sounds like he's the sole breadwinner in a high pressure job...why is everyone assuming he could take time off and just doesn't feel like it?

 

[sarahsknight]

@gomez2219 Nobody here is assuming that there would be zero financial or other consequences to the family for him calling out of work. The problem is that his wife or child could die or be maimed if she has complications from the miscarriage arise at an inopportune time when nobody is able to check on them and ensure they are safe. I’m questioning why he would consider THAT to be a less disastrous outcome than what could happen if he calls out of work.

I’m sure there are cases where the financial impact would be worse than the health/death impact. Theirs may be one of those cases. But it’s hard to imagine that kind of a scenario, particularly since her husband does have a choice to come home for 3 days during the trip.

 

[huffyhog]

@sarahsknight This could happen even if OP wasn’t expecting a miscarriage. Plus, it is exceedingly rare for an event to happen so suddenly and be so serious that it would cause death, in specific relation to a miscarriage. OP says she’s had multiple miscarriages… so it sounds like it hasn’t happened before so there is no need to make her extra worried this instance would be different.

 

[gomez2219]

@huffyhog

OP says she’s had multiple miscarriages… so it sounds like it hasn’t happened before so there is no need to make her extra worried this instance would be different.

Also, if OP's DH has been there with her to support her through those other MCs...he may not have PTO/the option left to continue taking more time off work.

 

[gomez2219]

@sarahsknight

The problem is that his wife or child could die or be maimed if she has complications from the miscarriage

Literally any other adult in her/their life could be there to prevent this. It doesn't have to be him. Would her husband being there be ideal? Of course. This idea that she could only possibly have help and support if he was there is baffling to me. It seems pretty clear him being there isn't an option, why can't someone else who isn't the sole provider for a household/family be there to make sure she doesn't die/get maimed?

 

[sarahsknight]

@gomez2219 Because she said in the OP that they don’t have anyone else who can help her, watch her kid, or take her to the hospital or a D&C appointment. If she had someone else she could rely on for childcare or a ride to the hospital, then she wouldn’t be making this post in the first place, she’d have already made arrangements with them.

 

[gomez2219]

@sarahsknight They could pay someone. Even at high prices that's far less of a hit to their finances than him losing his job or days of unpaid time off.

She needs to think more out of the box here if he genuinely cannot stay home from work.

 

[sarahsknight]

@gomez2219 Yeah, that would probably be the best move. And maybe her husband should just go ahead and schedule his 3 day period in the middle, so they would only have to pay someone for the days when he won’t be at home. He might miss being there for the actual miscarriage, but at least he could keep his job, and then they’d know their kid is covered the entire time.

 

[sarahsknight]

@mijuk95 Exactly… like what is even the point of having a spouse if not for things like this?

 

[callielovesjesus]

@sarahsknight 10000% agree

 

[testifysss]

@sarahsknight People don’t get paid if they don’t work. This may be a financial burden for them. Not everyone can get paid leave. Just thoughts of course I’m not them.

 

[celizabethdavis]

@sarahsknight Agreed. My husband has had to take a few short trips out of state for work in the last month, but I have no doubt that he’d be able to cancel if I was in a situation like this. But he does work for a relatively family-friendly company and his boss has two young children and is generally understanding. So sorry you’re going through this OP.

 

[kaleighats]

@chris_mil Go to the ER and complain of spotting and cramping and you can get the D&E done there. Also, if you do try to pass it at home put Saran Wrap under the toilet seat so you don’t have to actually fish the POC out of the toilet bowl.

 

[not_a_unicorn]

@chris_mil I learned my kid stopped growing when I should have been 11 weeks. Baby measures 6 weeks 1 day. I started miscarrying before I took chemical abortion meds. After I took the cervix ripening pill, I started passing blood clots the size of baseballs. I collapsed on the floor from blood loss and had to be taken in for an emergency D & C and subsequent blood transfusions. I would have probably died if my husband wasn't home to help me. Tell your husband to get his ass home now. This is a medical emergency.

 

[samanthamturner]

@chris_mil Can they give you medication instead? I was about as far along as you with mine, and they gave me that option. I could take it when I wanted, which was actually nice because it gave me some kind of control over the whole thing.

He should be home anyway, or at least someone should. But it would likely be easier than sitting and waiting.

 

[discipleduchrist]

@chris_mil So… what level of seriousness a medical emergency would it take for him to stay home? This is an extremely serious and potentially dangerous medical event, is it not?

I just cannot comprehend what could be more important than being with his wife and child during this time. If my husband was not physically present in this situation, that would be marriage ending.

 

[gomez2219]

@discipleduchrist

I just cannot comprehend what could be more important than being with his wife and child during this time

What about, you know, paying their bills, keeping their health insurance, keeping food coming in and lights on?

Sounds like he's the sole breadwinner in a high pressure job, I can't fathom why so many here are assuming he could just stay home but doesn't feel like it. It isn't that easy for a lot of people, especially sole providers in a household.

OP has also been through "many" MCs in the last year. Maybe he has been home for those and doesn't have time left he can take off anymore?

People are making a LOT of assumptions just so they can vilify this guy.

 

[tylvaen]

@chris_mil This is the time for him to tell the boss that he needs to be home for a family emergency. If his job won’t allow that, it’s time to find a new one.

 

[dstamps]

@tylvaen

If his job won’t allow that, it’s time to find a new one.

100%

 

[rayne49]

@chris_mil No, he needs to be home. You could DIE. This is a medical emergency. If you died, something WOULD happen to your toddler.