A poem-y word vomit on day 25

[evangeline002]

Dong dong dong
Is the o2 high or low
Ding ding ding ding
Oh crap the heart rate is falling

Child, dear, keep breathing
Quick shallow breaths
Lead to slower, deeper breaths
The alarms stop

Silence. It’s dreadful
But better than the alarms
Alarms cause stress. Anxiety.
Is this it?

Dong. Dong. Dong.
The nurse never comes.
Ding ding ding ding
A nurse is there quicker than quick.

Pressure without oxygen?
Oxygen without extra pressure?
What is right to fix these lungs?
How do we know what the right balance is?

Dong. Dong. Dong.
My heart beats a little faster.
Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
My heart plummets.

She’s doing okay they say.
She looks good, they say.
She read the premie text book, they say.
She just needs time.

Day 25 of our NICU life. Born 3/22/21 at 26+5

 

[katrina2017]

@evangeline002 Yes, a time no one wants to ever relive. Your baby will be released soon enough. Keep your chin up for yourself and your baby. Remember self-care!

 

[khanhhoang595]

@evangeline002 I hated the sound of those monitors. When I was at home I would still hear them in my head. They gave me such anxiety that I asked them to mute the monitors. The nurses still got the alarms of course.

Some beeps that resemble the NICU beeps still give me anxiety.

 

[amrie]

@khanhhoang595 Yes OP, when you’re visiting you can ask them to mute your baby’s monitor. Not sure what your NICU setup is, because in ours it didn’t matter (open floor plan). But it might help ease your anxiety.

Every time you hear them try to remind yourself it means that your baby is in the best possible place for the time being

 

[mamawolf]

@evangeline002 Home 5 months now. Still haunted by those beeps.