A mess of a venting session

[kmsga]

Trigger warning: weight and fatphobia

Hi everyone, I just found this group and am so glad it exists. I feel like plus size pregnancy isn’t talked about enough, and I’m struggling with a couple things I could use advice on. For reference, I am 5’4” and was 222lbs when I got pregnant. My bmi was a 39, so almost considered “morbidly obese.” I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body since I was very young due to my parents and doctors.

I have no weight-related health issues, but I am chronically ill (it’s not related to my weight— I was 60lbs lighter when I got sick). The only time I’ve ever had blood pressure/glucose/insulin issues was when I was a young child/teen and wasn’t on anxiety medication. As soon as I started anxiety meds, everything evened out (despite my doctors being convinced it was weight-related), and even now, 60lbs heavier, I don’t have any issues.

Since I’ve been in charge of my own healthcare (I’m 23), I’ve chosen doctors who respect my request to do things like turn around on the scale and not look at the number, not bring up weight unless they’re concerned (I have been told I’m overweight my entire life, and no, the shaking doesn’t help me lose weight), etc. They understand that my main concern is my chronic illness/chronic pain, and that people who get sick often gain weight due to inactivity, medications, depression, etc.. I am unable to do much exercise due to my illness reacting to it. I could eat a bit better, but overall it’s not a huge problem.

However, since I’ve gotten pregnant, my weight has become a topic of conversation with my OB and MFM. They stress the importance of this chart that says if your bmi is over X, you should only gain 11-19lbs. This has stressed me out to no end since I saw it, and my weight has been mentioned multiple times since then. The way they write it in the chart is almost as if it’s assumed my body will just automatically stick to that number, despite my issues with medication I take increasing my weight, as well as the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy.

I’m 22 weeks and have already gained about 20lbs. I haveHG and have been throwing up since 6 weeks, so I don’t understand how I’ve even managed to gain any weight, as I throw up most of what I eat. I’m frustrated with myself for not being able to control my weight, and I’m scared the MFM is gonna bring it up at my next appointment. The only time I can reliably keep food down is at night, so that is definitely part of the problem, but am I supposed to just not eat anything? I’m so exhausted from the throwing up and lack of calories in my body.

I’m also confused as to why my doctors haven’t mentioned baby aspirin for my blood pressure. It’s mostly been normal, but I’ve had a couple of high readings already, and that worries me. I’m on inositol to hopefully not get gestational diabetes, but I’m scared of that too. It’s frustrating because the only things baby girl lets me eat are mostly not considered “healthy,” but I will throw up or simply not be able to stomach any other food. I have my glucose test soon, and I’m worried I’ll throw up the drink too and have to repeat it multiple times. I had a glucose test when I was a child/young teen, and it was AWFUL, so I can’t imagine doing that while pregnant.

 

[praying4peace]

@kmsga I’m sorry about your doctors, and your parents. they shouldn’t be shaming you or making you feel any sort of negative way about your weight.

To give you an idea of my experience, I started pregnancy at 5’3 240 lbs. My doctors never mentioned weight except to say that I should gain around 15 lbs, and even that was only briefly mentioned and almost like an afterthought. Well, that flew out the window and by the end of my pregnancy I was 280, and very swollen (surprisingly I was back at 240 a week postpartum). My doctors never shamed me or even mentioned the weight gain. I did not get gestational diabetes, despite my (condescending) mother insisting I would since I’m “very fat” - her words. She’s a big reason I struggle with my body image. But anywho, I had a relatively healthy pregnancy. I made sure I found an OB office that was kind and understanding, don’t settle for anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself.

The only thing I ended up with was gestational hypertension, despite taking baby aspirin every day starting at 12 weeks per my OB. I had never had any issues with blood pressure before pregnancy and during pregnancy up until 36 weeks. My OB said eventually she hopes to have all her patients take it since it’s been starting to prove effective at preventing preeclampsia. Even though I ended up with gh, I’m still glad I took the baby aspirin and I do think that kept it from turning into full blown preeclampsia. I was induced at 37 weeks on the dot due to the gh and while it was very traumatic and did not go how I thought, I’m still glad I was induced and got my baby girl out before my gh worsened.

Please don’t beat yourself up over weight gain, your body is gaining what it needs, and that’s different for everyone. You could be the healthiest person on the planet and still gain quite a bit, it just depends on your and your baby’s needs. I’m so sorry you’re still throwing up a lot, I would see if your doctor has any medication they would recommend you take to help. Sending you hugs and wishing you a smooth rest of your pregnancy and delivery!

 

[kmsga]

@praying4peace Thank you so much

 

[requiredname]

@kmsga Hi! I'm 5'3" and started my pregnancy at 256 lbs. My doctors never mentioned my weight. I think it all depends on the doctors perspective. As for the baby asprin, if you don't have protein in your urine, a few elevated readings aren't enough to diagnose you with pre-eclampsia. Also, FYI, I was on inositol for PCOS before getting pregnant and was told to stop it. I was wondering if you let your doctors know you were taking it.

 

[kmsga]

@requiredname Thank you! Did they tell you why they wanted you to stop taking it?

 

[requiredname]

@kmsga I was taking it for PCOS, which they told me was dormant during my pregnancy and I didn't need to medicate for it. They also took me off of Metformin, which crosses the placenta.

 

[freebird123]

@kmsga I'm 22 weeks pregnant with twins and also have a BMI of 39.8. Honestly, my midwives have not mentioned my weight more than necessary. They mentioned that we're going to get me to inject myself with blood thinners starting week 28 and I have had issues with my blood pressure but not medicated as I only sometimes go above 140.

My midwives have been really insistent about my mental health due to a past diagnosis of depression and anxiety and possible c-PTSD. They have been really receptive to my needs and ability to cope myself.

I would mention to a trusted midwife that I have previous issues with my weight - be as open about it as you can and request they do not stress you out about it as much as possible.

Also, I know this sounds obvious but try and reassure yourself a bit. You are doing everything you can - there is nothing more you can do. Rebut the negative thoughts with positive thoughts about how well you are managing it and focus on producing a healthy baby.

 

[kmsga]

@freebird123 Thank you I wish I could have midwives instead of an OB and give birth at a center instead of the hospital. Unfortunately, my insurance covers more of a hospital birth than a birthing center birth

 

[wasdax]

@kmsga MFM is the bane of my existence.

They strictly look at the pounds and not overall health, but it helps to have an OB that looks at the big picture to even it out. With my first child, I changed OBs at SIX MONTHS because I refused to be treated the way I was because of my weight (I was 250 pounds then).

Maybe you should try and find a provider that shares your concerns and goals?

 

[dahmworg]

@kmsga Completely understand how you’re feeling and I agree with the commenters that this type of treatment varies with every plus size pregnancy.
I find myself getting actually jealous of women here who mention that their doctor just hasn’t said anything about their weight or doesn’t seem to have any concern. It feels like my entire life I’ve been told it would be hard for me to get pregnant (it was) or I’d have complications because of my body (I haven’t yet!).

I follow a plus size birth worker who constantly reminds followers that complications in plus size pregnancies have been directly correlated to quality of care and dignified care in high bmj pregnancies. Meaning the more your doctors shame and scare you, the more likely you actually are to develop “complications” such as GD and preeclampsia. Now I’m not a scientist so I probably didn’t say that eloquently but you get the point! Knowing this has pushed me to really find an OB who isn’t going to ignore my weight of course but will treat me based on my bloodwork and test results, not just based on what they think will happen because I’m fat. I cried my eyes out with relief leaving my first OB appointment after I mentioned my anxieties of being fat and pregnant and my doctor basically said “these things happen to women of all sizes, and just like in life when things come up you deal with them and move on towards your end goal. If GD or blood pressure issues come up then we deal with them at that point”
Of course that’s logical and kind of like “duh” but after experiencing SO much fat bias from medical professionals my entire life it was such a relief to know he won’t be assuming anything about my pregnancy without evidence..

It’s a mind f*ck. I am of course still terrified I’ll be the fat pregnant girl with GD or preeclampsia and people will be thinking “well that’s what happens” but after everything it’s taken to get here I am working so hard on trusting my body affirming to myself that my body is fully capable of bringing my baby into the world safely. It helps a little

 

[kmsga]

@dahmworg I totally know how you feel! It’s such a mess. I became chronically ill AFTER losing quite a bit of weight, yet because I was still technically “overweight,” I had doctors suggest it was weight-related I’m like seriously… the only time I ever had high A1C was when I had untreated anxiety, yet I was constantly told to lose weight. My A1C has been totally normal since then, as has my blood pressure. I’m being extra cautious and checked my blood sugar myself multiple times last month, all normal. It’s almost like some doctors expect you to have GD or preeclampsia just because of weight. My aunt, who’s probably 120lbs at most, had GD with her twins! I remember my pediatrician made me go to an endocrinologist as a kid, and the people there asked multiple times “where’s her insulin pump,” as they just assumed because I was a little overweight, I was diabetic. The endocrinologist then came in and basically asked why I was even there because I was fine