Edit: Maybe subtle isn’t the right word. Maybe alternative reinforcement of good boundaries or social intelligence by seeing them or reading about them in action, or maybe acting them out.
I’m not the parent so I do want to be respectful of my position.
The parents are being direct, and I will be direct— but I want some supporting help to reinforce.
Original post: I’m looking for resources that are not as obvious, like books or activities, to help my niece navigate a tricky friendship, or when a friendship needs to be over, and how to navigate it. Maybe something to help strengthen her social intelligent skills or personal boundaries. I hope to be subtle so she can maybe absorb this information in a less formal way (ie a good story or game).
Why I am asking: We recently were made aware (not by the school administration) but by the art teacher at a non school sponsored activity, that my niece was being name called, viciously verbally attacked and bullied to tears by her two “best” friends, more like frenemies. All of them are 9 and just leaving 3rd grade. One is on the spectrum, the other is not but is highly manipulative. My niece used to be sassy and vivacious. Now she is afraid to tell anyone what is happening lest her frenemies attack her or hate her for speaking out about the mistreatment. My niece is more upset that they would find out she’s talking about them than to actually say what’s going on and protecting herself.
Apparently two of her other friends/classmates had to step in at recess because the frenemies were so openly attacking my niece, which is the incident the teacher was talking about.
My niece is well liked by her classmates and has several sleepovers and activities with other girls in her class. Unfortunately at school she chooses to hang out with these two frenemies. Her other friends like to play sports at recess and my niece likes to draw and pretend, hence why play time with frenemies happens at recess.
The school addressed it by asking my niece if she was OK after the brutal verbal attack, and only intervened because the real friends who defended my niece had told their parents what happened and they spoke to the school. Because my niece said she was “fine”, the school said it was handled and didn’t tell my sister and her husband.
I want to provide some kind of support to my niece. I want her to be able to safely
Navigate this type of friendship. Her parents are already reaching out to therapists to get sessions scheduled (I guess most have waiting lists), are reaching out for other resources and taking a lot of positive steps to address this with the school.
My niece always gets along, a blessing and curse. She does read and feel the emotions of others, can be highly sensitive, and would really benefit from boundary work. I see myself a lot in her, and I want to provide support beyond my unconditional love for her. We are very close, and as a mom to a toddler I’m beyond my resources. I went through a slew of bad influences starting in 5th grade, was physically hit by friends because of not complying, and had to learn boundaries in college— I want better for her if I can help it. I know of resources for adults but I’m lost for kids.
I’m not wanting to bombard my sister, I know she has her own path to walk in this as the parent.
I’m not the parent so I do want to be respectful of my position.
The parents are being direct, and I will be direct— but I want some supporting help to reinforce.
Original post: I’m looking for resources that are not as obvious, like books or activities, to help my niece navigate a tricky friendship, or when a friendship needs to be over, and how to navigate it. Maybe something to help strengthen her social intelligent skills or personal boundaries. I hope to be subtle so she can maybe absorb this information in a less formal way (ie a good story or game).
Why I am asking: We recently were made aware (not by the school administration) but by the art teacher at a non school sponsored activity, that my niece was being name called, viciously verbally attacked and bullied to tears by her two “best” friends, more like frenemies. All of them are 9 and just leaving 3rd grade. One is on the spectrum, the other is not but is highly manipulative. My niece used to be sassy and vivacious. Now she is afraid to tell anyone what is happening lest her frenemies attack her or hate her for speaking out about the mistreatment. My niece is more upset that they would find out she’s talking about them than to actually say what’s going on and protecting herself.
Apparently two of her other friends/classmates had to step in at recess because the frenemies were so openly attacking my niece, which is the incident the teacher was talking about.
My niece is well liked by her classmates and has several sleepovers and activities with other girls in her class. Unfortunately at school she chooses to hang out with these two frenemies. Her other friends like to play sports at recess and my niece likes to draw and pretend, hence why play time with frenemies happens at recess.
The school addressed it by asking my niece if she was OK after the brutal verbal attack, and only intervened because the real friends who defended my niece had told their parents what happened and they spoke to the school. Because my niece said she was “fine”, the school said it was handled and didn’t tell my sister and her husband.
I want to provide some kind of support to my niece. I want her to be able to safely
Navigate this type of friendship. Her parents are already reaching out to therapists to get sessions scheduled (I guess most have waiting lists), are reaching out for other resources and taking a lot of positive steps to address this with the school.
My niece always gets along, a blessing and curse. She does read and feel the emotions of others, can be highly sensitive, and would really benefit from boundary work. I see myself a lot in her, and I want to provide support beyond my unconditional love for her. We are very close, and as a mom to a toddler I’m beyond my resources. I went through a slew of bad influences starting in 5th grade, was physically hit by friends because of not complying, and had to learn boundaries in college— I want better for her if I can help it. I know of resources for adults but I’m lost for kids.
I’m not wanting to bombard my sister, I know she has her own path to walk in this as the parent.