8 year old son showering under who’s f***ing supervision?

[dipuhuman]

Dunno where to put this, any other suggestions please let me know.

I just found out my ex wife let her bf of less then 4 months help my 8 year old son shower...
I’m furious, Which would be an understatement.

Not sure how I should react, she doesn’t see a problem with it...

Advice, insight and discussion appreciated.

 

[yunderdahl0101]

@dipuhuman You need to define help. Is he actually helping wash, or is he just turning on the water and providing soap and shampoo and reminding your son that shampoo water running down the body doesn't count as a proper shower?

 

[dipuhuman]

@yunderdahl0101 The latter

 

[trumpi123]

@dipuhuman This doesn't seem super concerning to me. Can you elaborate on what you are worried about? Do you have a reason not to trust your wife's judgement of his character? Has he proven to be untrustworthy? Is your son uncomfortable with the situation?

Edit:
I guess my other question would be does he need help showering? ie; is this help normal but usually facilitated by mom? This aspect doesn't seem to concern you tho so I don't want to assume that he does not need this assistance.

 

[thavener]

@dipuhuman I think you have a valid concern. That’s a vulnerable situation and it sounds like you dont know the man, and really after 4 months does she? I would be concerned too. There’s really no need for it. Do you have a relationship where she would be respectful of your concerns.

 

[dipuhuman]

@thavener She has said it won’t happen again, but as an adult male also in an early relationship with a mother, I would never Bath her son, it concerns me that he was willing to, I don’t consider that normal, I also have three young half siblings, and I don’t bath them, nor would I.

 

[mgs_pepe]

@dipuhuman As a step father with a partner who, to state it kindly, is terrible at follow through with hygiene I've found my self stepping up in ways I would prefer not to for the benefit of the kid. It could be if he didnt help with the shower it just wasn't going to happen

 

[stephenjob]

@dipuhuman Does he actually require help showering? My 6yo can shower by herself. I usually just check in if she's taking too long or if her younger sisters are in there too.

Regardless, I wouldn't be comfortable with such a short term person helping my children with something like that. I'm almost more concerned that he's helping a child that (barring any issues we don't know about) should be fine by himself.

 

[dipuhuman]

@stephenjob He showed at my place over the weekend I checked in on him because I don’t have tear free shampoo also he has VERY thick hair and I like to confirm he has rinsed it properly. Other then that he’s good.

 

[stephenjob]

@dipuhuman Thanks. This is the same as me with my 6yo. So I definitely agree this is inappropriate. Not sure how you could tackle it, but maybe start with a conversation with your ex?

 

[cbm]

@dipuhuman I can see everyone’s outrage. But the question I have for OP is: Has the child been spoken to about his personal space? At this age, the child should be able to communicate events in the shower (or other areas) to parents.

Someone dating for a month or a year can be abusive. I think the key is to let the child know of their personal space and who to speak to when it is violated.

 

[twistedmind]

@dipuhuman Huh. We're pretty chill about nudity in our house, so as long as I didn't get any creepy vibes from the guy, I think I'd be fine with it. NOT trying to invalidate your feelings, just sharing mine.

Can you articulate what exactly bothers you about it? Are you worried he's a pedo, or is it that you're uncomfortable with nudity around strangers, or something else? I ask for my own curiosity and because if you can articulate it to your ex that might help.

Just thinking it other related issues, if the kid were too little to wipe himself after pooping would you have a problem with the boyfriend helping with that?

 

[mia12]

@dipuhuman Kids that age should be able to shower ( I know some can't not talking about them ) door to be open slightly and ask if they are ok after a few minutes I use to do this a special needs girl I looked after she would have random fits but capable or showtime.

 

[heraclius]

@dipuhuman Talk to your son, have an open and honest conversation with him, using correct terminology and asking him to trust his "gut". There is a great online workshop by Little Warriors called Prevent It and it gives you lots of tools and strategies to protect your children. It is free. https://littlewarriors.ca/

 

[adrian64]

@dipuhuman First up, if an 8yo needs supervising in the shower, you're doing it wrong.

Second: she's your ex. You don't get a say in who she's with, and you have to respect her judgement in parenting her son when she's got him. If her partner is family as far as she's concerned, then that's the end of it.