When she does use bad words I warn her the 1st time and give her a time out the 2nd time. I hate this word and feel it is worse. I tried to explain this is the worst of the worst bad words but she doesn't get it. DobI treat it like any other bad word or make the punishment worse?
sarahdosher
New member
@chakra12 So the good news is that she is 7 not 17, so she is just repeating it from somewhere.
- I would be very concerned about WHERE she picked up the word. (Not because I don't expect my kid to pick up profanity from various places, but because I would be concerned about what sentiments that she learned with it.)
- Tell her WHY it is not a good word for her to use. She is old enough to understand a simplified explanation. Just punishing her is mostly going to teach her not to use that word when authority figures can hear her. I would use the first time as an opportunity to teach about why the word is inappropriate and hurtful, because she probably doesn't know it was wrong to use, but would discipline if she continues using it.
uncle_ayman
New member
@sarahdosher I was watching Rush Hour with my neighbor and their friends. I repeated the "What's up my n". Mind you I was a little white girl in a room full of black men. They told me that word is not appropriate for me to say, why it's not appropriate, and why some uses get a pass. Nothing like getting a dad lecture from 6 different people who've never disciplined you before. But lesson learned.
@uncle_ayman My son is biracial/black and we had the n-word talk after he was called it in preschool, but this was the kind of talk I didn't have an answer for. Talking about racism was hard but manageable. Talking about the more casual use of the n-word was out of my depth.
I ended up reaching out the the men at my son's barbershop. My son heard the word used there a few times. He asked his barber if he was "allowed" to use it and the barber told him that he shouldn't use that word until he knows what it's like to have that word directed at him, truly understands the history of that word, and knows what it means to him and what it means to others. The ones who used it explained why they did and the ones who didn't explained why they didn't. The individuals who used it talked about how they avoid using that word around people who aren't comfortable with it and told my son that when he got older he could make his own informed decision. It was pretty awesome to see a group of 8 or so men who had different beliefs all handle this so well. I am glad you had a similar experience. Never shy away from a moment to educate even if that conversation is an uncomfortable one.
I ended up reaching out the the men at my son's barbershop. My son heard the word used there a few times. He asked his barber if he was "allowed" to use it and the barber told him that he shouldn't use that word until he knows what it's like to have that word directed at him, truly understands the history of that word, and knows what it means to him and what it means to others. The ones who used it explained why they did and the ones who didn't explained why they didn't. The individuals who used it talked about how they avoid using that word around people who aren't comfortable with it and told my son that when he got older he could make his own informed decision. It was pretty awesome to see a group of 8 or so men who had different beliefs all handle this so well. I am glad you had a similar experience. Never shy away from a moment to educate even if that conversation is an uncomfortable one.
blessedlady777
New member
@garnett64 This has me tearing up 
what a group of stand-up men.
what a group of stand-up men.@garnett64 I love this story so much... For so many reasons; but what great words from the barber.
And, as a white guy (who has used the word in the past), the is the best explanation of why someone would choose to use it and why they can.
And, as a white guy (who has used the word in the past), the is the best explanation of why someone would choose to use it and why they can.
lightliver
New member
@uncle_ayman I reckon that made it REALLY stick!
uncle_ayman
New member
carmenjones
New member
@uncle_ayman Wow, how old were you?
uncle_ayman
New member
@carmenjones 11
dawnbreaker
New member
@uncle_ayman Wow that's... WAY older than I would have thought...
uncle_ayman
New member
@dawnbreaker My only defense was ignorance. I remember hearing that word for the first time in Rush Hour. I was aware of other slurs, so when the adults laughed at the line, I assumed it was just a funny word. They asked my mom why she never taught me about that word, and she just said it never came up. I didn't see it in books until 6th grade. So, I was just sheltered from a word, and repeated it when I heard it.
blessedlady777
New member
@uncle_ayman I love that they did the work though
sarahdosher
New member
@uncle_ayman Kids don't know unless someone teaches them. And yep, super effective if a bunch of people who usually are just super nice to you tell you something is not okay. That happened a couple times to me when I was a kid for various things and I never did any of them again.
theastimani
New member
@sarahdosher Out of curiosity, I asked a language partner in a different country if he was aware of the word and he said yes, he sees it in almost all American media very often. I honestly didn’t even think about it until he mentioned it but it is very present in our media. It’s not out of the question that she picked it up from a movie, show, song, etc playing in the background somewhere
heissonear
New member
@sarahdosher Well that first comment could be where a 7 year old would get it from… Rush Hour was just added to Netflix.
metalgreymon
New member
@sarahdosher I wonder if it’s too traumatizing to take a 7 year old somewhere like the Museum of Tolerance?
puddintain
New member
@metalgreymon Black 7 year olds have almost without question experienced racism by that age....
metalgreymon
New member
@puddintain That’s an excellent point