6w pregnant with our first and only, the first challenge to OAD popped up and was slammed down

[farmerdan]

I told my sister that I jokingly asked my OB to go ahead and tie my tubes while she’s down there if I do have to have a c-section, and my sister said “well, at least wait until they survive past the risk of SIDS to tie your tubes”

Idk if it’s just the raging nausea that burned up all my fucks, but I looked at her and said “I’m only going to be pregnant one time, and I don’t think you can just replace your child if they die.” Case closed and permanent answer secured

 

[scientartist]

@farmerdan You have more guts than me! Good on ya!

 

[homebass]

@farmerdan Had a bilateral salpengectomy (tubal removal) during my c-section and I'm so glad I did!!

 

[taylor71998]

@homebass Same! The doctor told me to think about what I'd do if the baby didn't make it or had an accident later in life and I was just like....he's a person, not a goldfish. I can't just buy another?

 

[homebass]

@taylor71998 I was amazed my doc didn't really push back at all. Even with my age (29 at the time) and that fact it was my first pregnancy. I was just very clear that I never ever wanted to be pregnant again. Honestly I asked for a full hysterectomy because I hate periods but he said no to that so I accepted the tubal removal and just take my birth control without stopping to stop/limit my periods.

He was also an old white man, I was sure I was going to be denied, but I also had an amazing midwife on my side who helped a lot.

 

[farmerdan]

@homebass So happy for you!!

 

[homebass]

@farmerdan Thanx. It is definitely something to consider. Also having your tubes removed instead of tied is 99.99% effective in preventing pregnancy (the 1 or 2 cases of women that became pregnant were etopic pregnancies) and also lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.

 

[farmerdan]

@homebass Glad to hear it! A friend of mine who is child free also got the bilateral salpingectomy for that exact reason

 

[123wc]

@farmerdan

the raging nausea that burned up all my fucks

Ooooh so that's why I've been on short fuse since I was pregnant? Makes so much sense now.. (seriously wishing yours doesn't last till the end as mine did!)

 

[farmerdan]

@123wc Oh god so fucking sorry you had to deal with that all the way to the end, I could not imagine!

 

[123wc]

@farmerdan Thanks, it was annoying as hell but manageable with pills, the worst thing about it was actually people, even medical personal, dismissing it and telling me it's not real because "nausea only lasts for 12 weeks".
Crossing all fingers you won't get to know it!

 

[stacy86]

@farmerdan My OB tied my tubes at 27, although I was very firm that it was another reason I WANTED a c - section (did not want to do labor after 3 losses). Also we have 5 more embryos from IVF. I would point out if you did want to have more after salpingectomy, IVF is an option… also it’s very shitty of her to mention SIDS, I’m so sorry OP!

 

[farmerdan]

@stacy86 Yes there are so many options if you CHOOSE, not just to have a spare or replacement. Ugh.

 

[stacy86]

@farmerdan Right!!!! I honestly wanted the SMALLEST CHANCE possible for having an accident. I don’t think I’d get an abortion but it could absolutely end my marriage, beautiful relationship I have with my daughter, and would undoubtedly tank my mental health (also likely leave no room for the career I aspire to have). Should my husband and I be in the RARE position where I’d want another, there are so many options! And I want to WANT another baby to raise, that’s definetly the biggest factor. I hope you’re able to get one OP, highly recommend!

 

[farmerdan]

@stacy86 I 100% agree with all your reasoning for being OAD - I feel the exact same way!! My husband I talked about maybe being interested in fostering in the future or if we were unable to conceive, but it’s going to be our decision together whenever the time is right for us

 

[heismerciful]

@farmerdan That…is a very weird comment. Who says that?!?

 

[farmerdan]

@heismerciful Not the first time I’ve heard someone suggest to have a second kid as a “spare” and every time it’s super weird and off putting

 

[lisaxo]

@farmerdan You're correct one child can't replace another. I will say your OB may decline to tie your tubes depending on this being your first baby, your age, and health in the event that you change your mind. I was 35 when I had my OAD & the only reason my OB did it for me was because I had major unexpected complications.

 

[farmerdan]

@lisaxo Sure that makes sense - I was joking with my OB when I said it but she is very open to allowing women to get tubal ligation at any point, kids or no, so luckily that won’t be a problem for me!

 

[booklady]

@lisaxo And if they do decline for any reason other than a health counterindications, it’s pure misogyny