6 y.o. with anxiety

[amm87]

We’re one and done because we didn’t get the easiest kid situation. Our son is almost 6 and struggles with so much anxiety such that his parents dread weekends. He’s too nervous to do sports like swimming or t-ball which is what other kids do on weekends, he’s too afraid to hurt himself on the scooter or bike so has trouble connecting with friends, he hasn’t figured out to parallel play with other kids and has threatened to bully them instead. Part of this has been because of a year of distance learning but I’m so sick and tired I was looking up boarding schools. Husband is officially depressed bc he has no “me time”. Do child psychologist work with kids at young as 6? I think he’s very polite in school and loves attention from the teacher so his anxiety hasn’t been flagged at school.

 

[katrina2017]

@amm87 Hi, wondering have you spoken to a doctor about these things?
Has a teacher or educator expressed concern?

Parallel play is often a skill at an infant, toddler level.
Obviously I do not know your son and only know the information provided. But is it possible it is not just anxiety?

 

[amm87]

@katrina2017 Yes we spoke with his pediatrician and since he’s doing ok in school he’s not concerned. We’ll talk to his new teacher next and then find a child or family therapist.

 

[katrina2017]

@amm87 Goodluck! I hope you find the support you need.

Also if you feel there are issues don't be afraid to press the issue to find the correct support for both you and your child!

 

[muya]

@amm87 I just wanted to say, please get him help sooner rather than later. My younger sister had crippling anxiety… I don’t want to scare you but she almost didn’t graduate from high school because she was refusing to go to school, didn’t like to talk to her teachers for help bc of anxiety etc… anyway I understand how anxiety can make people lash out; she is nasty to my parents when they try to push her to take more responsibility in her life.

 

[amm87]

@muya I will! I see a therapist for anxiety myself hence why I’m identifying it. For me it helped me do really well in school so perhaps I need to flag it this week since that’s not the case for everyone. Frustrated that the pediatrician is dismissing us.

 

[soccer_girl]

@amm87 Change your pediatrician now. They're being negligent. Mental health is also health, and it's no joke.

 

[rootuchiha]

@soccer_girl Agreed it is better to treat as soon as possible as it will only escalate. The key to focus on is self-regulation.

I think it’s important to let him know he is not in trouble and that these are important life skills that he can even share with peers if he so chooses as we all experience anxiety at one point or another & therapists are trained to assist in this process of coping with life in its peaks and valleys. Also, share that you are learning too! Normalizing will definitely help this generation.

 

[rootuchiha]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...nxiety-look-like-probably-not-what-you-think/

 

[kimberlykay]

@amm87 Anxiety is very treatable in kids! With a kid this age it's helpful to find a psychologist who does CBT for anxiety with parents and kids together. I'm a psychologist and used to work in a clinic with this specialty. CBT helps anxious kids so much.

There are great centers for kid anxiety around the country - the ones that are able to take insurance tend to be big university clinics like UCLA Semel Institute, the Anxiety Disorders Clinic at Stanford, CYARD at American University, etc. I find that people trained in treating OCD in kids tend to do the best anxiety treatment for very anxious kids, so finding therapists listed on IOCDF.org may be another avenue for you.

I don't recommend sendinh your kiddo to just any therapist, general kid therapists do tons of ineffective stuff all the time, with no idea how to actually treat child anxiety, and it sounds like what you need is effective care. I hope this helps!

 

[amm87]

@kimberlykay This is great info. I attend a weekly DBT class but am wondering if 6 is too young to learn these skills. I will ask around too.

 

[sadkitty]

@amm87 I know several kids under 4 who have already seen a psychologist - with positive results. I'm in Europe but I guess it exists where you are too.

I hope you find the right resource and you all get better!

 

[xxdanklutheranxx]

@amm87 I used to work at a children's hospital. Yes, child psychology and child psychiatry are definitely things, and they will work with children of pretty much any age. Please get him help asap. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll all be happier.

Good luck.

 

[amm87]

@xxdanklutheranxx Thank you!

 

[manilaswiss]

@amm87 Why not get him into a quiet activity? My daughter is introspective and super into arts, crafts, dance, swimming at the pool.

 

[amm87]

@manilaswiss He clings to us and is not really quiet unless he’s sleeping.

 

[manilaswiss]

@amm87 My daughter is not quiet whatsoever either — but timid and anxiety ridden like your son. She responds well to activities that I find to be more “quiet/introspective” even if she’s talking the whole time. I have a giant cabinet of crafts at home that she’s constantly pulling from or I’ll set out an activity from there (ie: basket full of play dough stuff, coloring books and endless markers, paints). Also I got her into ballet class, with a small group of 2 other kids. Is your kid in preK at all? That helped immensely the last year with getting her to lose fear, do some activities by herself.

 

[amm87]

@manilaswiss His attention span just isn’t there. He doesn’t craft on his own for longer than 3 minutes. His best activity is perler beads and then he’s quickly done and wants us to play or craft with him. He’s in kindergarten. We tried to put him in gymnastics but he couldn’t hang and clung to my husband.

 

[tonemapped]

@amm87 I’m sorry I can’t offer much in the way of advice but that sounds very tiring for everyone involved! Anxiety is so hard, I struggle with it myself, and therapy definitely helped me learn how to get a handle on it. Child psychologists definitely work with kids that young so I hope you can get him some help and that it gets better for all of you.

 

[soup11]

@amm87 YES.

Our kid is similar in that he is awesome at school. He’s got a giant personality and can really work a room.

At home we see the behavioral outbursts. At home we are exhausted and dread weekends.

The pandemic has been rough. All kids have lost some social skills.

We did PCIT (parent-child interaction therapy). It helped us a lot. I mean, it isn’t magic, but it gave us the tools we needed to be more successful.

I definitely encourage you to reach out to your kid’s school or your pediatrician. Even if they don’t see the behaviors there, you can still get a referral.

I did not have the best parenting role models as a child. And parenting through a pandemic has been a lot for me mental health wise. Going to PCIT gave me hope.

I just tucked in my kid. We read a book and laughed and played around. We spent the day at the pool with friends. I never thought I would be able to do that and be happy (instead of stressed). But I did today.

I hope that you find what you and your family need. I’m always here for a private message, too. Best wishes.