4th or am i nuts?

@elly1 I loved this article, I remember reading it when it first came out. And it was emotional reading it again now that I have this monumental decision to make. Thank you for the suggestion.
 
@jason106p Given the fertility issues you’ve already identified you may find conceiving a 4th more difficult, involving a loss (or more than one) or a longer period TTC. I’m 35 and had two miscarriages this year. Based on my experience and that of friends IRL and online, it seems like TTC in your mid- to late-30s can be a total crapshoot. Your reasoning about wanting to “prove” your health/youth/fertility is something I’d question, you may end up having a hard time which may cause a lot of emotional turmoil.

I’d recommend spending some time journaling over the next month or two and really examine those feelings. Go on some walks by yourself and just think about the question of whether you want another. Hopefully spending some quiet time with your thoughts and feelings will help uncover the truer ones, it did for me.
 
@fateh I’m very sorry about your losses. That is heartbreaking. If you don’t mind me asking, are you still continuing to try? I never thought 35 would be the age our fertility would suddenly take a nose dive. Extremely depressing.
 
@jason106p I’ve asked the very same question, although my oldest is 11 and youngest is 3 so bigger age gaps. I’ve honestly haven’t decided for sure yet either, because my fear of similar to yours… I’ll regret not having a 4th in 20 years.
I will say- one of my big issues now is all my kids are in different activities in the evenings and it’s a lot… and I can’t imagine doing it with a newborn in there. It seems the older the kids get, the more (and later) the activities there are, just something to think about.
 
@jason106p Just want to chime in and say that I don’t think you’re crazy - and some people just genuinely love to parent and want their «pack» full. My brother in law is a father of six AND a dog, and they are one of the strongest couples and family I have had the pleasure of getting to know.
 
@jason106p Are there people that can never accept they've had their last baby? When does the feeling go away? When I was growing up a neighbor in our 4bd/3br neighborhood had 7. That was unusual. Most families were 1-2 and the other larger family was 4. I think even with the last kid the lady with 7 wasn't ready to be done. Mom knew her a bit and the neighbor just would tell people she loved babies. Just curious. I personally can't understand having another kid just because I can.
 
@jason106p I know this doesn’t answer your questions but I’m 40 and debating a third. I have two boys a 3.5 and 18 month but a girl embryo out there. Husband is a hard no but I was an only child and crave a big family… he comes from one. How was going from 2-3?
 
@morgannicole555 2-3 was a breeze. 1-2 was the hardest for me but that may have been because I had my second right when Covid hit. My third is a sweet heart little boy, and I cry when I think about how we almost closed the door after 2!! The older kids are very sweet with him! Now we are even discussing a 4th it’s crazy.
 
@jason106p You think? Eeeek everyone says girls are hard. I have such a challenging relationship with my mom. But she is a narcissist. And I’m evolved so hoping to break those generational curses …
 
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