4 month regression? Almost 17 weeks and now refuses bassinet. Unsafe sleep situation last night.

sweetkf

New member
Hi guys!
My guy is nearing 4 months and has started fighting all sleep including naps, only wants to sleep in my arms. He’s waking up on every transfer to his bassinet. Last night it took 2 hours to get him down and then he was up again 3 hours later, resettled him every hour after that. I fell asleep for an hour while sitting up feeding him in bed last night and feel terrible, it was unintentional and not at all co-sleep safe 7 situation as I was propped up on a pile of pillows.

I had been nursing him to sleep and contact napping exclusively since birth and his nights were great, 6-8 hour stretches and once even a 9 hour stretch in his bassinet after being transferred fully asleep. He stopped being able to nap in his bassinet at about 8 weeks.

Now he doesn’t want to nurse to sleep, will cry and thrash if I try to get him down that way. He will fall asleep with prolonged rocking but will scream for 20 mins in my arms before he falls asleep, then wakes up on transfer whether I put him down after 5 minutes or 30 minutes of deep sleep.

He’s too young for Ferber or CIO sleep training but I’ve tried some gentle methods to try and settle him in his sleep space. I’ve read PLS like 20 times. I’ve tried SITBACK, shush-patting and paci in the bassinet, pick up put down, rocking the bassinet, fuss it out and all of them just lead to scream crying after 30 minutes. No method has worked twice in a row and drowsy but awake has never worked. He did almost fall asleep with the shush pat and paci but would wake as soon as I stopped holding the pacifier in.

I’m wondering if my schedule is off?
6:30 - 7 wake.
1.5/1.5/1.5/1.75/1.75/2.25 ish
8:30 - 9pm bed.
3.5 hours of day sleep - all contact or car seat or stroller - 20 mins to 2 hours max (capped).
9 hours of night sleep not including wake ups and feeds.
Total sleep in 24h is 12.5 hours so lowish sleep needs.

Help?

Husband can’t do shifts as baby won’t take a bottle and I can’t sleep through the crying when he has him anyways.

Might resort to co-sleeping till we can train but I need to buy a whole new firm mattress as our mattress is soft and pillow top.

Edit:

Not too sure why I’m being downvoted. I’ve very intentionally avoided unsafe accidental co-sleeping situations from birth and never co-slept when he was a newborn. This regression caught me off guard and I think I have more of a sleep debt from this week of crap sleeps than I was aware of. I am trying to find a way to ensure this doesn’t happen again - I was horrified when I woke up still holding him, I woke up my husband crying.

Edit 2 in case someone is going through similar stuff.
Since this post I took some advice and lengthened wake windows and dropped to four naps and things seem better!!
1.75/2/2/2/2.25-2.5 is current schedule.
Naps naturally shortened to 75 mins max. 3-3.5 h total.
Nights 8-7 with 1-2 feeds.
Less fighting at nap and bedtime.
Manageable!
 
@sweetkf Wow, this is almost like reading a story of my own life! My guy is 18 weeks, and his sleep has been going to heck for over a month now. It used to be go down easy but wake up every hour or two, plus startle awake every 10 minutes for the first couple hours. Now we are scream fighting sleep all the time, and still waking up every couple of hours to nurse. He is also a high sleep needs baby, and still acts overtired.

I don't have much advice, but I can offer solidarity. About 2 weeks ago, I converted to a side car set up, and try to get him to sleep in the crib portion before ultimately resorting to bed sharing. I never wanted to bed share, but it has helped me recover from sleep deprivation to some degree. I hope things get better for you very soon!
 
@rainylynn1980 Ahh I hope your baby starts sleeping better!!
I followed some of the advice here and have lengthened wake windows and cut out a nap and things seem to be getting better,, I hope it sticks! It’s so hard to back slide when it comes to sleep!!
 
@sweetkf Aww I'm so glad! I hope things continue to improve for you! Yesterday I said "screw it" and stopped trying to plan/cap naps. I just let him sleep whenever and however long he wanted to because he always seems overtired. His mood was much, much better in the evening, and he slept for longer chunks overnight! I couldn't get him to settle in his crib, but he slept for a 5 hour and then a 3 hour stretch, which is a marked improvement for him. Hoping it wasn't a fluke!
 
@sweetkf Everyone will be different but it wasn’t hard. Started by having the cot in our room (a necessity because the nursery didn’t have a blind yet and he was too bit for the next to me) at 6ish months, started with nighttime sleep so he could still tell I was next to him. Put him down awake and let him grumble a little bit but not properly cry before soothing (just stroke him face/give a bit of reassurance). I also started feeding him downstairs after his bath and bringing him back upstairs for bed to break the feed to sleep association. Now he sleeps in the crib for 2x 1.5 hour naps a day and 7-7 most nights with a dream feed. A couple of months ago we were co-sleeping and contact napping x
 
@sweetkf I’d sleep train as soon as he hits 4 months. We suffered for months with constant wakeups screaming for the paci. We did Ferber and within two nights he was down to one wake up to feed each night and was taking much longer naps. Baby is much happier and I feel like I can function again. The first night away from baby is so hard. I slept in the baby’s room night one, then the next night in the guest room closest to baby’s room. We use the owlet, the snuza, and a video monitor. Overkill? Probably. But it makes me feel better not having him in the room with me. Do what you have to. Your health and well-being is important too. I don’t regret the precious time I had with baby in our room, but I wish I would have sleep trained sooner than 7 months. Functioning on so little sleep was so unsafe.
 
@sweetkf Don’t feel bad - I’m pretty certain anyone who says the haven’t fallen asleep breastfeeding at least once is lying. I started to co-sleep at the 4month regression because it was all around safer to do that than fall asleep feeding and being unsafe. It worked great for us until my baby was waking up for milk hourly. He’s now 7.5 months and sleeps almost the whole night in his cot and self soothes himself. I couldn’t even imagine getting to this point a few months ago so it will get better. Co-sleep now, kick your partner out of the bed if you can and both get some sleep. It isn’t spoiling them and they’ll go into their own bed soon enough xx
 
@sweetkf I have a 4 month old that started doing the same thing in terms of fighting the naps. I had to make sure that I was in the sleepy sweet spot for him to fall asleep from rocking/patting. I find that if he starts crying, he’s not tired yet and then I put him down to play for 5 more minutes or walk him out of the room to look around, I try again and he usually then grunts but doesn’t fight it, and falls asleep after.
 
@sweetkf Your babe may have passed the milestones for the bassinet or maybe the movement is causing wake ups? At 4 months I moved mine to cribs and sleep improved for everyone involved. The bassinet moved every time my guys moved and I think that was waking them up. Moved bassinets to room with crib for a few nights then started them in their cribs and sleep was better. We had a hard stance against unsafe sleep/bed sharing so that was never an option for us and our twins.
 
@sweetkf No advice yet on the 4 month sleep regression, but please don’t feel any shame about resorting to co-sleeping if you’re not feeling safe due to sleep deprivation. You can cosleep very safely following the safe sleep 7, and your mental health is so important - getting rest is a huge part of that. Protecting it allows you to show up for yourself, your partner, and your child. Hang in there ❤️
 
@sweetkf One thing i did was prep my area for safe sleep seven during nursing. That way if i fell asleep while nursing, it would be in a safe position rather than in while sitting or something.
 
@sweetkf I did it for a week because I was so sleep deprived I couldn’t be a good mom. I ended up caveman cosleeping on a flat mat on the floor as a compromise, but it made me feel human again and let her get past a particular bad stage of being unwilling to sleep in her bassinet.
 
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