3 y/o son's cancer has grown back. Don't know how to cope

@shadows_and_sparks All the best to your fam in this difficult time. I'd recommend trying to find community, those who have been there or are there. You and your sweet pea aren't alone. To me this topic was something I never thought about til I followed Team Beans and their story of courage, loss and love.

CBS team beans article
 
@shadows_and_sparks Man, I’m so sorry. I lost my 4 year old son to Rhabdomyosarcoma. You never know what God has planned, but in case he does not make it, I would offer you these suggestions: Spend as much quality time with his as you can. Take lots of pictures. You may not think that you want them, I didn’t. But take them anyway, you will be glad in about 20 years. Take care of yourself and your relationship with your wife. My marriage did not survive. Pray and trust in God, He’s got you.
 
@shadows_and_sparks im so sorry.

my little boy also has cancer and its incredibly difficult.

we have been through 2+ years of it and have had some rough scary times.

I just had to accept that the time we have is the important thing and try to make him happy as I could and to make him feel loved and as comfortable and safe as I could.

our situation is no where near as scary as yours but some of the same feelings I think.

live day to day, moment to moment if you have to and value the time you get.
 
@shadows_and_sparks Oh no I’m so sad to see this, I have nothing to provide other than thoughts and prayers which is about worthless. What a nightmare, I wish your family could get a much needed miracle.
 
@shadows_and_sparks Hi, if you haven't already done so, consider looking into /r/stoicism. A stoic approach might help you in the short and long term. I know it has helped me cope with some of my issues in the past. I wish you the best of luck, and realize that no one can feel how you feel, and no matter what, your feelings are valid
 
@shadows_and_sparks I am so sorry about your kid. I would like to share a point of view with you, from someone who is training in neurosurgery in the US, so that if things turn bad you at least heard something I wish I could tell all my patients - and not ruin our relationship.

medicine is misunderstood as a gift or a blessing. we can 'resect the tumor', we can 'extend survival', we can 'treat your pain'. this is incorrect - it is always a trade. we can resect the tumor at the cost of being weak on one side. we can extend the survival at the cost of your time at home. we can treat your pain the cost of being an opiate addict.

this is exaggerated, and I would not be a doctor and love my job if I didn't think I could make good trades for ppl. however. there comes a time for everyone were there are no more good trades. in kids in particular, even your doctors don't want to see that until it's obvious and undeniable - this is the reason that I see kids suffer needlessly and die bad deaths in the hospital.

if medicine as no good trades to offer you, I encourage you to take your boy home. eat ice cream for breakfast, have grandparents over, and watch movies as a family, and no blood draws and no middle of the night imaging studies and no not understanding why a new team of doctors is coming to see you who are being coy about why they are there cuz something is different but teams haven't gotten together yet to circle the wagons.

wish the best for you and your family. please realize that medicine is always a trade and that with kids, your doctors might not tell you until all the trades are bad already.
 
@shadows_and_sparks For sure, reach out to fellow parents on support sites. I am not someone who has experience with a terminally ill son, so take my two cents for what it is. I would try to focus as much attention on spending as much time with him and his brother and your wife, be a family while it lasts. Make some nice memories. Take your days day by day, try to park your feelings and grieve of your future loss for then. Try to see every day you still have as a present given to you and your family to be there for them.

But most importantly, don't beat yourself up if it gets too much. Give yourself and your wife some days off to vent/let it out. These are serious emotions best expressed and released outside the view of your children, try not to bottle it up but seek temporary relief. Don't hide it either to your son(s), say you sometimes need a breather because his (brother's) illness is making you sad as a parent, that you are unable to do something about it and nature can be unfortunate.

OP, my heart is out for you and your fam. Wish you the best possible time. Normal life memories like sports, painting house, learning stuff are the best gift you should strive for and memorise.
 
@shadows_and_sparks Man...as a new dad I'm at a loss for words OP. I honestly think that no one can say or do anything to make this horrible nightmare better. If you believe in God and in miracles, only He can do it. I agree that you should maybe seek professional support via a therapist. I can't imagine how overwhelming you guys must be feeling right now and how crushing it is. We Daddits are here for you mate! In the mean time try to be strong for your kiddo and your wife. Take advantage of every moment and love it to the fullest. Take time off, so fun things and most of all, take lots of pictures. Praying for you and your entire fam!
 
@shadows_and_sparks There are no words to express the depth of my condolences. It seems trite to try and offer advice to someone who is living a parent's worst nightmare, but I would like to encourage you to not let an uncertain future cast a shadow on what remains of his life, be it long or short.

Of course you are heartbroken, and hope may seem like a cruel joke, but remain present and do not live in fear of what comes. Share in his joy and keep making memories as long as you are able.

Holy frocking ship am I tearing up for you, man.
 
@shadows_and_sparks Damn, all I can say is love your kid. Be the best dad for him while he’s here. None of us are promised tomorrow, so be present right now. That tidal wave will hit, but until it does don’t let it paralyze you from being a great dad.

Sending prayers and good vibes to your family. I’m so, so sorry.
 
@shadows_and_sparks I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. My advice would be to enjoy the time you have with your son, speak to a therapist regularly and that you and your wife keep open and honestly communicating with each other.
 
@shadows_and_sparks Man. I’m so sorry to read this. I don’t have words that feel adequate, and am self conscious in thinking how could I possibly have useful advice here. With that said, the advice you’re receiving here seems right to me. I would try to stay present in spending time with you son now, and get counseling for yourself and your family. I wish nothing but the best for you all.
 
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