18 y/o freshmen in college wants to get apartment with his gf of 6 months

[bishopjordan]

How can we convince him this is a bad idea? (because we can't legally stop him)

Some additional info. They started dating at the end of their senior year and she followed him to the same university. They are about 1000 miles from home. Neither have jobs and this is their first relationship. The relationship is still in the honeymoon phase and slightly toxic. Both get jealous of the other, neither are socializing with others, no extra curricular activities, 'dumb' arguments, etc.

I'm hoping this will just fall through on it's own, since neither is working, but I don't want to take that gamble. Was also considering reaching out to her parents. Help!!

 

[ewb1948]

@bishopjordan I wouldn’t recommend reaching out to her parents honestly.
If neither of them is working, i would recommend you maybe make a comment like “you need to add how much rent will be to how much you approximately will be paying in light bill, water bill, internet, groceries(break it up so it seems like a lot lol) so you know how to budget”, “how much fo you guys have saved for a deposit, first and last month rent, a moving truck and furniture?”, once you put it like that into perspective it becomes a little more realistic feeling of “wait, how am I going to pay for all of that?” kinda thing, and that might slow it down.

Also, like another comment said, you need to make abundantly clear that you will not be supporting two adults and they will have to cover their living expenses on their own, just in case they might be counting on you or her parents for this. It might not be the case but it’s better to make sure he is 100% aware of this.

I feel like at that age they do the opposite of what you’re going to tell him. At the end of the day he is an adult and like you said, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Sometimes people need to realize things on their own.

 

[bishopjordan]

@ewb1948 Thank you, he definitely is a stubborn one

 

[ewb1948]

@bishopjordan And I’ll tell you I was not a rebellious teenager or anything, I was your average teenager, good grades, never got in trouble, good relationship with my family, but when the idea of moving in with my boyfriend got in my head at 20 years old, I don’t think there was nothing my mom could’ve said that was going to make me change my mind. Of course it didn’t work out and a year later it was time to leave. Guess what I had? My mom… She was right there on that Saturday at 8am to help me pack my things and load the truck, no judgment, no “I told you so”, just the one making sure I didn’t leave anything behind.

 

[daveautumn2]

@ewb1948 You have a good mom

 

[qq80113444]

@bishopjordan I would just make it super clear to him that you will not be helping with the apartment (i.e. cosigning or being responsible for rent, insurance, utilities, etc) in any way, and that if he wants to make this choice he needs to be sure to think it through along with the responsibilities that come with it.

 

[bishopjordan]

@qq80113444 Thank you

 

[churchsound]

@bishopjordan You have an adult (albeit a very fresh one) who wants to be independent and live their life as they choose. Your job as their parent is to coach them, not control them. You can give opinions, and advice, but ultimately they will do what they choose to do, and I would recommend not burning any bridges if you want them to continue being present in your life. Let them figure things out for themselves, that’s how they gain experience

 

[revxus]

@churchsound this.

 

[pastortimcocciolone]

@bishopjordan I mean let him know if he does this you will not be contributing anything financially.

i dont understand how they'll do this without jobs though..

when i wanted to move out when i was 19 my dad sat me down and literally drew me a picture. You make this amount. Rent is this, utilities is this, gas is this, car is this, blah blah blah. ended up being in the negatives lol. made me understand real quick i couldnt afford it.

if that doesnt work.. let him crash and burn. hell try it out and realise he cant do it.

also in regards to the gf, moving in might be the best thing (hear me out) in the sense that they MIGHT realise how much it doesnt work. my mom always said live with someone before you marry them..,

 

[bishopjordan]

@pastortimcocciolone

i dont understand how they'll do this without jobs though..

he's "going to get a job"

 

[pastortimcocciolone]

@bishopjordan ah gotcha. this wasnt stated in the post

 

[bishopjordan]

@pastortimcocciolone np, sorry for omitting. I hope he does get a job, but I don't want him to get burned out.

 

[millard52english]

@bishopjordan The best thing you can do as a parent is to give them facts and opinions on the situation and understand that they're an adult and need to experience things for themselves. They may resent you if you try to control what they do. But I think letting him know what you know is a good stepping stone. I agree that they definitely should not move in together though. Especially as someone who jumped at that because of jealousy and is currently experiencing relationship issues.

 

[stefana]

@bishopjordan I wouldn't pay for his rent or cosign as finances for a lease. I will pay for dorms or individual lease but I'm not putting my money on the line for a lease that depends on someone not related to me.

 

[bishopjordan]

@stefana I completely agree & will not be contributing

 

[stefana]

@bishopjordan Seems like he may have an easy decision when he finds out they might not be able to afford it. Natural consequence.

 

[jesuslover_dad_442]

@bishopjordan Are you paying his tuition????

 

[bishopjordan]

@jesuslover_dad_442 No

 

[jesse100]

@bishopjordan Maybe help him understand the cost of living in an apartment. If neither have jobs they won’t be able to get an apartment with no co-signer so it’s really not a worry because he either has to become responsible for an apartment in which case he proves he’s grown enough to make that decision or he doesn’t and he’s not able to get an apartment