@ichabod My context behind answering this: My son is non-verbal autistic with a cognitive disability. I myself am autistic (verbal), and had speech and learning delays as a child.
There definitely seems to be a delay or disability going on here, and Mom is probably in denial. No shade to her AT ALL - as a parent, it's hard to contemplate the idea that something might be wrong.
I remember how difficult it was for me when my son's autism diagnosis was given to me. It felt like the end of the world to me. I understand how your gf might be feeling. Her feelings are valid, and if her daughter is diagnosed with something, she may go through something similar to a grieving process.
How can you be supportive? Here are some ideas:
Edited to add: the pee problem could be indicative of a medical problem. Please encourage your gf to have V checked out by a doctor.
There definitely seems to be a delay or disability going on here, and Mom is probably in denial. No shade to her AT ALL - as a parent, it's hard to contemplate the idea that something might be wrong.
I remember how difficult it was for me when my son's autism diagnosis was given to me. It felt like the end of the world to me. I understand how your gf might be feeling. Her feelings are valid, and if her daughter is diagnosed with something, she may go through something similar to a grieving process.
How can you be supportive? Here are some ideas:
- Gently let your gf know that V needs an assessment - that an assessment can lead to a diagnosis, a diagnosis can lead to the right interventions, and that in turn can open up a world of opportunity for V.
- Be prepared for resistance - it's not easy for a parent to hear this. You may have to approach the subject more than once. Be a shoulder to cry on, validate your gf's feelings, and keep letting her know you're there for her and V.
- Do a bit of research on your own - just to find out what assessments are done in your area, where they are done, how they are conducted, and how to arrange one. Your gf will eventually need this information, and she may feel too overwhelmed to find it out herself.
- Help set V up for success when it comes to instructions. Break things down into small chunks. Give one instruction at a time, and once that task has been completed, move onto the next one. A "first-then" approach can also be effective. First you do this task, then you get a reward.
Edited to add: the pee problem could be indicative of a medical problem. Please encourage your gf to have V checked out by a doctor.