10 Year Old Can't Read or Count

@ichabod My context behind answering this: My son is non-verbal autistic with a cognitive disability. I myself am autistic (verbal), and had speech and learning delays as a child.

There definitely seems to be a delay or disability going on here, and Mom is probably in denial. No shade to her AT ALL - as a parent, it's hard to contemplate the idea that something might be wrong.

I remember how difficult it was for me when my son's autism diagnosis was given to me. It felt like the end of the world to me. I understand how your gf might be feeling. Her feelings are valid, and if her daughter is diagnosed with something, she may go through something similar to a grieving process.

How can you be supportive? Here are some ideas:
  1. Gently let your gf know that V needs an assessment - that an assessment can lead to a diagnosis, a diagnosis can lead to the right interventions, and that in turn can open up a world of opportunity for V.
  2. Be prepared for resistance - it's not easy for a parent to hear this. You may have to approach the subject more than once. Be a shoulder to cry on, validate your gf's feelings, and keep letting her know you're there for her and V.
  3. Do a bit of research on your own - just to find out what assessments are done in your area, where they are done, how they are conducted, and how to arrange one. Your gf will eventually need this information, and she may feel too overwhelmed to find it out herself.
  4. Help set V up for success when it comes to instructions. Break things down into small chunks. Give one instruction at a time, and once that task has been completed, move onto the next one. A "first-then" approach can also be effective. First you do this task, then you get a reward.
It sounds like you're a very supportive person. I hope everything works out. The most important thing is to get your gf to agree to that assessment. I hope to see an update on this sometime.

Edited to add: the pee problem could be indicative of a medical problem. Please encourage your gf to have V checked out by a doctor.
 
@ichabod I also think there is some form of learning diasability but that should probably be said by someone professional. I'm sure you are very capable as a tutor but this sounds like it's time for a special ed. teacher. And a possibility to work with a child pshycologist and get a name on a possible diagnosis.

Best way for you to help? Be a supportive figure to mom and V. Not a teacher/tutor. Find the right kind of help.
 
@ichabod
I'm an assistant principal at an elementary school that serves grades K - 6.

You must already know that this child has profound learning disabilities, as well as probable physical problems too. For the sake of the child, you can't rug sweep this, she needs help sooner than later. You need to have the talk with mom asap.
 
@newwave Yes I was a bit surprised that OP is an assistant P and a spec ed consultant and is so nervous to talk to a parent about their child's profound needs.
 
@ichabod Sp first off I’m debating if this is a troll post but if not, this is not normal behavior for a 10 year old, even a younger 10 or 9, 8 etc.
her not reading is not normal, could she have dyslexia? She needs immediate intervention now for her reading.
You are an assistant principal for k-6, you are around kids all day, you should be able to tell this is not normal, and what is wrong.
Could she a have a memory loss issue? Because she should be able to remember just about everything
If she is not comprehending what is read to her, could she not be paying attention, she needs intervention now.
At 10 she should be able to count, do some addition and subtraction in her head and some multiplication in her head, she should be able to do division on paper.
Dose she go to school? What do her teachers say about? What are her grade? What dose mom do at home with her? This is all very concerning
 
@katrina2017 I know... you'd think a mandatory reporter would take something like this a hell of a lot more seriously. If all involved adults are thus incompetent I'd be contacting somebody on the child's behalf already.
 
@balkan Right! I had to double check which sub I was in. I would find this an acceptable post in r/AskDocs but why are they asking parents who do not have training to diagnose a problem.
 
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@katrina2017 In my province they don't really hold kids back any more, so kids that can't do math or can't read or write absolutely do advance through the grades. This is definitely possible.
 
@ichabod I agree with everything the other commenters suggested. This is more serious than your GF has been willing to admit. I understand how the years probably have slipped by especially with Covid. But enough is enough. This girl will be isolated and bullied and confused her whole childhood if you and mom don't take a hard stance NOW. She's already been robbed of most of her early childhood by whatever mystery ailment or condition is going on. She needs professional evaluations: Hearing, eye sight, neurology, MINIMUM. I'm not a doctor but I'd even insist on trying to get some sort of brain imaging. Imagine the worst case scenario and there's something in her brain growing slowly getting worse over time. Who knows. I'm hoping it's something as simple as deafness, I went to college at the university that has the largest college of deafness under its umbrella, interacting with the deaf community and I even lived with 3 deaf girls in an apartment my second year. A lot of lay people think deaf people are mentally challenged because their voices are very different to what they expect. But they aren't, they just can't hear their own voice, so it sounds weird to us, etc. A lot of undiagnosed dead kids learn to read lips but it's highly highly inaccurate without professional education. Imagine how confused and isolated a child would be.

Just be aware that there may be more than one condition at play here. I don't see why her mom wouldn't agree to a full and thorough investigation. If she doesn't, I'd seriously get intervention from someone she trusts fully. As a mom it can be terrifying to consider the possibility that there is something seriously "wrong" with your child. But the worst course of action here is inaction.
 
@ichabod This is way above the pay grade of either a tutor or a mother's boyfriend. You're much better equipped than the average person to observe V's difficulties and offer support, but that's not a substitute for the specific professional attention this girl needs. Continuing to try to work on academics as if her global development were a secondary, last-resort area of focus promises V nothing but misery by virtue of maximizing everyone's frustration, and that sense of inadequacy would disrupt her development even further. I don't know what health care options the family has access to, but what V needs is clinical assessment, not tutoring. You should make clear to her mother that you don't accept this amount of responsibility for V's progress and that the right person to consult is V's doctor.
 
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