“Why didn’t you remind me?” -My Husband

[infomommax]

My husband is taking our son to his 18 month appt tomorrow. I made the appointment 4 months ago. It’s been in our shared calendar since. He had to take a half day off, then my mom is out of town and he decided he would like to take the whole day off instead of have someone else come.

Then we discussed on 3 occasions about him taking the day off, with me saying a week ago “this is my last reminder that you are taking next Friday off”. He made the joke “ok just remind me” and I responded very clearly to the joke, “I will not be reminding you again.”

Well, it’s Thursday night and he’s upset, not necessarily with me, that he has to tell his boss he can’t come in less with less than 12 hours notice. When I reminded him about our conversation last week, he said “why didn’t you remind me?” And once again, I clearly made sure he knew it is not my job to remind him.

It’s honestly partly my fault. I’ve babied him with reminders for too long. He’s genuinely apologized and I can tell he feels bad. I feel bad for not reminding him, but how else does someone learn?

 

[jonathandavidgoddard]

@infomommax Let him fail (as long as it doesn't put your child at risk). You're doing the right thing!

 

[infomommax]

@jonathandavidgoddard I just feel like it’s the only option. I’ve previously reminded him to set reminders, which works. But he was learning to do it on his own so I have to!

Thankfully, he’s not dumb and wouldn’t put our kid at danger!

 

[jonathandavidgoddard]

@infomommax Well, my husband will get distracted and forget to pick our daughter up from dance practice. I cave and will set an Alexa reminder because I can't have her waiting out in the dark. I'm so glad she has a phone now.

 

[favor2020]

@infomommax It's hard! I have trouble striking the right balance. Sometimes I don't remind my husband and he forgets things (such as whose day it is to pick up our kid from daycare), so then the next time I remind him, and he's offended that I thought he might forget. It's like, buddy, last time you DID forget. Deal with the little wound to your pride, please.

 

[abzin44]

@jonathandavidgoddard This. It’s a painful lesson but hopefully one he won’t forget.

 

[katrina2017]

@infomommax Don't baby him. Say sorry dude I mentioned it and it's on your calendar. Deal with it.

 

[infomommax]

@katrina2017 Yep. He figured out childcare so he only had to take a half day.

I hope next time he remembers this feeling lol

 

[katrina2017]

@infomommax My husband is terrible with his calendar so I empathize with you lol. Not with them

 

[auxier587]

@infomommax It’s the only way he’ll learn.

 

[mormondave]

@katrina2017 I'm to the point where I don't even say anything anymore. I just look at my husband with a completely blank expression when he does stuff like this. I mean, I am OVER IT.

 

[sweetsocalbutterfly2019]

@infomommax This sounds like natural consequences. This is something I practice with my children to help the learn accountability and responsibility. I’m glad he’s finally learning.

 

[infomommax]

@sweetsocalbutterfly2019 Yep! A product of his mom needing to be needed and doing everything for her kids, and me feeling the need to control.

It’s hard for me to even not take my kid to his doctor appointment, but if something happens to me he need to be prepared to do it on his own!

 

[keepitsimple144]

@infomommax Do we have the same MIL?

 

[infomommax]

@keepitsimple144 I think many of us do!

An example is she is coming for a half day tomorrow now, and her response back to my husband is not very excited, although she could never say no due to the need to be needed lol.

 

[miles77]

@infomommax THE MENTAL LOAD IS SO EXHAUSTING

 

[robrandazzo]

@miles77 I am literally hiding in my dark bedroom because of this. This week with work/life/parenting/etc has been overwhelming and shitty and mentally overloading, and I have a migraine and got so overstimulated I noped the hell out of the living room away from everyone for a while.

 

[abdallah20]

@robrandazzo Lady I worked with when I was younger used to joke about having “her little closet” off her bedroom, where maybe she lurked and pinned some affirmations up on the back of the door and had a dry erase board and a pillow she could sit on to pray or meditate or whatever.

Didn’t realize until having my own kids that just having a place to get away and keep your own things in the same place you expect them to be might be so important for sanity.

Take the time for you and be sure you have a little space and time to call your own. It certainly isn’t selfish, is sanity-preserving and I hope you never feel too much guilt for knowing when you just need a break.

 

[robrandazzo]

@abdallah20 We need a bigger house

After we put the kiddo to bed I take a scalding hot shower then read for a while and snack. It helps, this week is just stressful AF. Wind storms, system issues at work, migraines, etc. I need it to be tomorrow end of business, BAD lol

 

[abdallah20]

@robrandazzo I feel you, fam grew faster than the house and husband and I gave up our bedroom to let the kids each have their own because there is such an age gap. I would love a bigger house!!! We could go in together on a an old motel, you down!?!?

Extra hot showers and we can bribe somebody to keep stocking the breaky buffet. Ha!

Really though, I wish you the most relaxed of head and neck muscles, kick that headache in the…head?…and the weekend is soooooo close.