Y’all, it’s not our fault

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upon_this_rock

New member
Y’all, it’s not our fault.

This one goes out to everyone with babies who are more challenging sleepers. My little guy is almost 6 months old, and I am finally realizing that his sleep challenges aren’t my fault. I’m giving him hours of active time during the day, he gets plenty of outdoor time, I offer bottles all the time even if he doesn’t seem hungry, I watch for sleepy cues, I have a bedtime routine, I’ve read every blog and book and Instagram account… and he still wakes up to eat 2-4x a night, stays up during the night sometimes, refuses to sleep anywhere but our house, takes 30-45 minutes to finally fall asleep sometimes despite his exhaustion, sometimes has overtired meltdowns, and rarely ever naps longer than 35 minutes. 12 hours a day total is his usual, not this glorious 14-15 hours I hear of.

I’m trying so hard, and I’m seeing all of my friends and family whose babies sleep 12 hours a night with 2-3 long naps during the day, and their babies can sleep anywhere while they go on adventures, and everyone says “just get them used to it! They’ll learn! Why are you leaving to take him home for a nap? Just stay, he’ll be fine” and I’m finally realizing that’s just not true for every baby.

And that’s okay. My little guy is who he is, and I’m doing my job taking care of him, and if that doesn’t lead to incredible sleep, that doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong. It’s not my fault. And if this is you too, it’s not your fault either. Solidarity, friends, and a happy holiday to all who celebrate.
 
@upon_this_rock Amen sister! We have the snoo and everyone was like its a miracle machine! … Bullshit, it maybe helps slightly for our colic/reflux 12 week old. He sleeps the same it its on or off. We have tried all the things. Drowsy but awake is a fucking joke. I did taking cara babies, precious little sleep, its all baloney for the most part. Ours is obviously too young for Sleep training but they say to start “implementing” little thing here and there. You either get a good sleeper or not.

Same thing w the colic. The other day a friend said, have you tried using a youtube video to calm your inconsolable baby? It works when ours is inconsolable …Like girl, if a dancing fruit could calm the colic it wouldn’t be colic.
 
@upon_this_rock 100% with you on all this. I just had a conversation with a friend with a 1 yo who said her baby slept 12 hrs overnight… my 8mo is currently sleeping 12 total in a day (on a good day, honestly). No clue why, but that’s what is happening. My baby gets overtired and overstimulated easily.. and I just laugh when people ask if she’s sleeping through the night. She’s gotten better (1-2 wake ups). I still don’t believe that babies actually do sleep 12 hrs without waking. Pretty sure that’s a myth.

So yeah thank you for this reminder 😴
 
@soashamed890 It's correct that babies don't sleep 12 hours without waking. I am not sure where to find it but it shows the shifts in sleep cycles there are times when you wake up (not consciously) and if all needs are met you back to sleep.

As an adult I don't remember the last time I slept through the night without waking up briefly.
 
@soashamed890 My son typically sleeps 12 hours through the night but he also often wakes up a few times and needs to be put back to sleep. I still consider it "sleeping through the night"
 
@upon_this_rock I have two kids, my first was a unicorn. She slept thought the night from 8 weeks and didn’t so much as have a regression. It was so easy, I bit my tongue when my friends who were struggling with sleep, but I honestly felt bit smug.

Enter number 2, and the newborn phase went much the same, back to birth weight by day 6, sleeping through by week 7. I thought I’d nailed it 🙄…. The four month sleep regression hit early, like month 3, and the wee man has never slept a night through since. By month 4 I was averaging 4 hours sleep a night, the baby would only sleep in an upright position from 1-5am, I’d be trying not to fall asleep holding him. We hired a sleep specialist, it took 2, very hard weeks to get him into his bed, and fell apart 3 weeks later when he got COVID. And to top it off he’s dropped a bunch of percentiles, the dude is drinking the same milk as his sis, but while she tanked up and filled out, he only eats enough to satisfy his hunger. He’s 11 months now, and I bed share from 2-5 when he crawls over me and starts bouncing on the bed. I never would have done that with my first.

All that is to say, I completely agree, your babies are going to do whatever they want and you just have to parent the babies you have, it rarely goes to plan.
 
@upon_this_rock Same here!!! My 18 months old will only sleep 10-11hrs at night and takes a 2hrs nap( when at home) or 1-1.5hrs at daycare. She still wakes up at night and I’ve come to accept, this is just her. She takes about 30-45mins to fall asleep at night. Just not a good night time sleeper but nothing I can do about it.
 
@upon_this_rock Mom of a 4 month old here who believes, yep, kids will just sleep how they’re gonna sleep. Maybe the sound machines and blackout curtains and rituals work for a few mins but… nah. Kids do what they’re gonna do.
 
@upon_this_rock I have two kids. One slept like crap and one was born to snooze. One never took to breastfeeding and the other was a breeze to nurse. I firmly believe that at the end of the day it's really just a "you get the kid you get" thing.

If you're struggling with something like this and you are trying your best, it's probably not you. It's just that babies are people and people are all very different and none of them come with instructions.
 
@upon_this_rock I found a lot of personal peace when I accepted that my baby was going to sleep how she wanted and no instagram sleep socials were going to change it. Going with the flow wasn’t always easy but radical acceptance restored my mental health. Babies gonna baby. It gets better, but sometimes it takes longer than expected.
 
@upon_this_rock Yes. We brought the pack & play for Christmas nap and it took LO almost an hour to fall asleep for a crap nap.
Also writing this at a 5am feeding. At 7 months LO is still up every 3 hours to eat 🫠
 
@upon_this_rock Thanks for this! Just this morning my dad asked “it’s pretty unusual he doesn’t sleep through the night at his age, right?”. I hate talking about his sleep, because he’s 1 and still usually wakes twice. I feel like a failure and that everyone else is thinking we’re clearly doing something wrong. He’s on a consistent schedule, bedtime routine since like 2 months old, blackout blinds, noise machine, he’s very active. I know that eventually he’ll sleep through the night (right?) but he’s not there and it’s frustrating and embarrassing sometimes.
 
@pgardner2358 Mine is just about 13 months. Wakes up every morning around 4 or 5 and then I bring him into bed with me and he’ll usually sleep until 7 or 8. Sometimes wakes up once between 10pm and 1am too. 🤷‍♀️
 
@upon_this_rock I needed to read this as I’m up at 1 am trying to get my 8 month old TERRIBLE sleeper back to sleep. I get so irritated hearing about my friends 5 month old who sleeps 10 hour stretches every night. Ugh
 
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