X-post from r/beyondthebump: am I insane?

[katlee21]

Posting here too because I feel like a lot of you ladies in workingmoms have gone through stuff like this...

So I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do here...I agreed a long time ago to go to this conference for work, thinking, "surely by 8 months my baby will be able to be apart from me for a couple of days..."

But now the conference is coming up in less than one month, and I'm freaking out. She's not ready. I'm not ready. I'm still breastfeeding her. The conference is 3 days and it's far away AF so basically 4 days 3 nights including travel...I'm scheming to try to only go for 2 days but this is politically difficult because my group is "supposed" to be represented there. I could maybe back out at the last minute, but it's so shitty to do this so late in the game. My husband is willing to take the kids but understandably pretty terrified to be on his own for 4 days with a baby who isn't used to taking a bottle at night and still wakes up to nurse.

So...I'm thinking about taking her with me. If I could find a babysitter who could basically stay in the hotel and I could check in on them every couple of hours and feed her...is this a crazy idea? Has anybody out there done something like this? Would you recommend it? Any thoughts on how to find a good person?

ETA: Husband has a brand new job so no PTO, and we also have a toddler who's going to stay home with dad no matter what. Of course I'll miss my toddler son like crazy, but I know he'll be fine with just dad for a few days. My baby still sleeps in bed with me (no judgment please, that's just how we do) and nurses throughout the night, and I feel like nights alone with just dad would be really hard. Multiple wake-ups, refusing bottle, etc. I already know she won't drink from a bottle at bedtime even if I'm not there. She's real stubborn about it! We haven't tried bottles at night, but frankly it sounds awful to me. And I'm not willing to give up nursing and cosleeping just for one stupid conference. Plus I tear up every time I think about pumping and being away for that long...I'm just not ready to do it. The more I review all of your lovely comments, the more I realize I'm trying to talk myself into it being ok to take her with me and find a babysitter, rather than consider the alternatives.

 

[gklassiter]

@katlee21 I haven't tried this, but my first idea is to go on care.com or something similar and see if you can find someone available the dates you need and do interviews over Skype. Definitely call references too since you won't be able to meet them in person till p you get there.

Can you back out now while there's enough time for someone else to prepare and go instead of you?

 

[katlee21]

@gklassiter Yeah the city where the conference is happening actually has a number of services for this very purpose. It is a place where a lot of people come to do business for a day or two or three. I've found some well-reviewed agencies and would call the person's references, take the elevator upstairs to check at random intervals, etc.

I suppose you can always back out, but it would be really shitty of me to do so.

 

[gklassiter]

@katlee21 As long as you feel like you can trust someone new with your child, go for it! Saves you some stress of being away and your husband of bottle feeding. It might even still feel like a vacation, being in a hotel just the two of you. And a special story when she gets older.

 

[katlee21]

@gklassiter Aww I love this! Thank you! I honestly can't bear the thought of being alone in a hotel without my baby for three nights. Pumping, which would make me miss her even more. I'll miss my toddler a ton too, but he is a big daddy's boy, I know he'll be fine with my husband for a few days. My baby, I'm not so sure. She HATES bottles at night. She'll take one during the day but at bedtime she's like, you take that bottle and go --- yourself with it, I want boob! So it will probably be hard on her to stay home. I feel like if rather be 1000 feet away from her in the same building than 3000 miles away...

 

[brojerry]

@katlee21 I think having a babysitter in the hotel is a great idea! My son is 8 months old as well. I took him to a conference with me when he was 7 weeks old and it worked out pretty well, because he slept in the Boba Wrap most of the time. I think he would have a tough time if I tried to take him at this age because he wants to be moving all the time lol.

 

[katlee21]

@brojerry Thanks! Yeah she's definitely past the wrap and go stage. She's not walking but definitely will be cruising by then--she needs to be on the floor

 

[sgtstruble]

@katlee21 I'm jumping on the leave her home approach as well. I have missed my daughter terribly every time I've been away, but it also has been an opportunity for me to not be mom for a bit. The pumping sucks, but it's not the end of the world. My daughter didn't take bottles from me, but if I wasn't in the house, she took bottles just fine from everyone else. I'd bet she would be fine with your husband bottle feeding her for those nights. She won't take a bottle at night when you're home because she knows that there is an alternative. Take the time away, your husband will do great, and you will come home recharged.

 

[yole]

@katlee21 I think this is a great idea if you can afford it. I took my husband on a few trips with me and my daughter, then later I paid my nanny when I moved and she happened to be located near my new home office that I visited regularly, and I've even taken my dad with me too.

Consider where your hotel is compared to the conference if you're going to be trying to nurse during the day, find out where the mothers room/nursing area is at your conference, consider how you can schedule your day around needed breaks.

 

[katlee21]

@yole The conference is in the hotel! So I might not even need to worry about pumping at all!

 

[yole]

@katlee21 Sounds perfect!

 

[jmmgentry]

@katlee21 I’d look to see if another family member could help. My mom, dad, stepdad, all are great with my baby!

 

[katlee21]

@jmmgentry Let me know if your parents and stepdad are available lmao! I've asked my family members, they all either have to work or are scared to fly or one thing or another

 

[jmmgentry]

@katlee21 Haha, I’ll see what I can do

 

[andrewrivers1990]

@katlee21 I vote leaving the babe for a variety of reasons. You’ve got time to work on baby taking a bottle over night, that should sort itself out. Plus, babies at that age don’t NEED to eat over night - if she refuses the bottle, she’ll just load up in the morning.

I left my LO for three days/2 nights when he was 6 months old. Yes pumping was a pain, but totally manageable and I brought all the pumped milk back. I was worried for all the reasons you were, and it was no problem. Baby actually slept better (like, through the night for the first time, damnit) when I was gone! My husband really enjoyed the time with baby and we were all so much more confident after.

I’d be really hesitant to hire a random sitter in a hotel for full days with a kiddo that age. What if your baby completely flips out when you try to leave? I wouldn’t have been able to leave my baby with a complete stranger in those circumstances....you need to ask yourself if you’d be comfortable doing that. Also, random sitters can be really hit or miss. Like, REALLY hit or miss. I just want you to be prepared for that.

I feel like bringing your baby will have you doing two things badly. You won’t be able to focus on the conference and you’ll be feeling weird about leaving the baby with a stranger in a weird place.

I commented above that you should hire a sitter to help your husband for a few days at home with the two kiddos. We’ve done this when I’ve been in trial for weeks on end and it works awesome. It’s an extra set of hands alongside dad to basically entertain the toddler and help tidy etc. Works great.

Good luck, whatever you do.

 

[katlee21]

@andrewrivers1990 I see your points but remember we have two kids. Toddler still wakes up at night and baby's crib is in the same room. So could be free sleep training but could be extremely challenging for husband too. (Not mutually exclusive!) As for doing two things badly...well that's my whole life right about now! And I am worried about the sitter...but I've found a very well reviewed referral agency nearby. And it would only be a couple of hours at a time because I could come upstairs frequently. 6 hrs/day total, max. I'm just attending this conference, only giving a very small presentation so it's low pressure. She probably will cry when I leave the room but she does that even with dad, and is usually fine five minutes later. She's usually happy and flexible with whatever happens in the daytime but at night she really wants mom.