X avoiding college discussions to avoid paying

[little_miss_sunshine]

The X hasn't seen our oldest in over 2 years, and has minimal contact for the last 4 years (an occasional text every 6 weeks, same comment). I've encouraged communication between them for the mental health of my child, given suggestions, tried to get them reconnected etc. but the lack of effort on his side has only increase the rift.

Now the oldest is a senior and has been working hard on applying to colleges and scholarships. Communication has been even less from the X. I think he's concentrating on a clause in our divorce decree that states that we share agreed upon child expenses and he told me a couple of months ago that he has no intention of paying for college. There's no law or clause in the decree that says he has to.

My kid is going to make a decision on college this week and turns 18 next month. I've tried to engage the X in this process, but no response. He doesn't know how our oldest did on their SAT, what colleges that he's applying to, what kind of offers he's getting, nothing.

Do I try to engage the X one last time before the college decision is final?

Do I have an obligation to keep trying to communicate with the X about our oldest once he turns 18?

There's nothing specific in our decree about either, and honestly I think the X is trying to hurt me with his selfish tactics and blaming our oldest and I'd rather be free of trying and hitting a wall.

 

[soundcloudtomp3]

@little_miss_sunshine Some parents think that their obligation to a child is done when the kid hits 18, and legally, that’s usually correct. Why bang your head against a wall to try to get the other parent to cooperate when they’ve made it clear that they don’t care? No message is a message. Yeah it sucks but your kid will figure it out. Lots of people do. My parents didn’t pay for my college, or basically anything after I turned 18, and I have a master’s degree, little debt except my mortgage, and a decent job now. Just saying, it’ll be okay.

 

[temi]

@little_miss_sunshine It's pretty late in the game to try and get the ex involved in the process. I wouldn't bother engaging him again. Hell, I went through the process with my last two kids and never considered reaching out to their mom about it after she has been absent for several years.

 

[katrina2017]

@little_miss_sunshine Depends on your state. But usually once the child hits the age of majority which is 18 (or 19 if still in HS) years old then child support ceases to be a legal obligation for either parents by law. If dad doesn't want to pay for college then he has that right since it's post-majority age. Also, I think large expenses like that aren't really enforced anyway. I would check your state laws first and if what I said is accurate for your state, then I would just let it go. If he has the means and is just refusing out of spite, then shame on him. Definitely be free of him from that point. Once your son hits 18 (or 19), the coparenting agreement ends, you will not have to put up with him anymore except when your son talks about visiting him for holidays and special occasions.

 

[sabeen2249]

@little_miss_sunshine First off it sucks how he’s acting in general but my ex and I both agreed we are not paying for our children’s college (above the money in their college funds). Yes I will support them with needed expenses and the occasional spending money but not take out loans for classes. My daughter is the same age and she’s set her sights on affordable local schools where she can get scholarships