@hatterasmom3 My only is 16 now and I get sad about not having more children kinda often now that I'm 38 and I know I don't want to start all over again. Its also sad because I didn't get to have children with my husband, my sons stepdad, who I've been with for a decade. It's just mourning another life. I always thought I'd have more children when he was younger, but we got more and more accustomed to a life of growing freedom every year.
When I get sad I remember my sister will hopefully have kids, I'll have a niece or nephew to love... and eventually grandchildren! All the love with none of the work
@hatterasmom3 If you haven't watched the tv show Parenthood, I'd recommend it.
It might help give some other perspective. So when you're thinking about what you're missing out on by not having another child, you're seeing the negatives that you are also missing out on. It's one thing to know it logically, another to get emotionally wrapped up in how hard it is, and live that vicariously through the show.
@hatterasmom3 I recently watched my one graduate high school and in the weeks following, the “whatifs” roared into my thoughts. And that’s ok.
I still know I made the right decision to remain OAD. I still wonder what it would have been like to have more.
@hatterasmom3 It is absolutely normal and valid to have mixed emotions about being OAD, even if you are 100% solid in your decision. You are still allowed to grieve for the picture of what you thought you wanted for your family, even if you acknowledge that the reality would likely be vastly different from your ivory tower. Talking things out in therapy helped me a lot. It was one place where I felt validated and understood.
@hatterasmom3 I feel the same. I have two beautiful children and I know that I should be happy with that but u can’t help but fight the feeling that I want another one. My son is 12 and Mr daughter is 3 and I can’t help the feeling that I just want one more. Is this normal?
@hatterasmom3 Having children despite all the crappiness of pregnancy and what not, can bring you unimaginable love and joy. Holding my baby girl for the first time was an overwhelming and beautiful experience for me.
Maybe it's just sadness that you won't get to experience that again. All those awesome, incredible moments you have with your son, you're not going to get to do that again. It seems completely normal and reasonable. You can be firm in a decision but still miss something.
Almost like going back to college, you might not want to do it again but miss some of the experiences of being carefree and young.
@hatterasmom3 We have some similarities! I started Zoloft for the first time within a week of having my son. I have always struggled with health anxiety and my chaotic week in the hospital and my continued follow up appointments did not help. We could technically afford another kid, but we don’t have any social support. It’s so hard to be parenting without help, and I would likely have a very complicated and dangerous pregnancy if we did want another. That being said, I know one child is the best choice for us and it still makes me sad.
If my body were different and we lived somewhere else (and our only slept better ), a second would be a maybe. But none of those things are going to happen and it’s okay to be sad about it sometimes.
@hatterasmom3 It's like I wrote this. Also still dealing with PPD, PPA and health anxiety (in addition to OCD that has gotten 10 times worse) following my daughter's birth 2.5 years ago. I also have physical disabilities that make pregnancy very difficult and financially it would be so tight. I do NOT want another child, yet I get so sad when I see others having a second kid and I know that will never happen for me. My husband thinks it makes absolutely no sense and doesn't understand why I feel like this.
), a second would be a maybe. But none of those things are going to happen and it’s okay to be sad about it sometimes.