When will Americans finally not care that I cosleep?

[i_believe]

My LO is 5 months. At bedtime I put him in his crib because I stay up a few hours later than him. When I go to sleep, I sleep on a floor bed in the nursery. In the morning he usually wakes up around 5am and falls asleep while nursing in our floor bed. I then either transfer him back to the crib or fall back asleep with him in C shape until about 8.

I keep our sleeping habits secret from everyone I know except my mother (she coslept with me and my sister) and my husband. At what age do American studies show that it is safe? Or when does the stigma stop?? I know about all the studies that say don’t sleep with them but I can’t find anything that says “okay you’re good now”

I don’t care about people thinking he’s spoiled for sleeping with me- I only care about family (especially on my husbands side) thinking I’m putting him in danger and this harboring hatred towards me. I just feel so uncomfortable lying.

Also, my husband is a medical provider and has seen babies pass away in the ER or come in after being smothered or trapped so he is very nervous about this too. I try to understand where he’s coming from because I can only imagine how hard it is to see that or be the one to tell the parents. So I guess a sub-question is when will our LO be able to sleep with both of us? Maybe there are studies about this I can share with him? We miss sleeping in the same bed.

 

[patersonchristian]

@i_believe A year seems to be when the social stigma lifts. Toddlers 1-2 years old can free themselves if trapped, are allowed to have blankets and pillows, and the SIDS risk drastically drops.

 

[i_believe]

@patersonchristian Well that’s not too far away!! But then I’ll probably have to deal with people thinking it’s weird I’m still breastfeeding him.

 

[elupton]

@i_believe AAP recommends breastfeeding to 2 years old, so it's becoming less of an issue.

 

[barbee100556]

@i_believe You seem overly concerned with what other people think. Honestly, nobody really cares. The stigma exists a LOT more online than an actual real social spaces. I went out of my way to tell people that we co-slept (for fun lol) and the majority of people actually just told me that they did too. And a lot of people said that they didn’t, but never did I get judgment about it.

Breast-feed as long as you want, and cosleep. it’s all good. Its your kid. Why do you care what other people think anyway

 

[sylvester2011]

@barbee100556 Unfortunately I think people do care and do pass a lot of judgment. What I have seen in parenthood is you basically can’t win. If you breastfeed you’re having your tits out and get baby too attached (wtf) so you’re bad. If you formula feed, you’re not giving them the antibodies bf provides. Just a random example but almost everything will be judged and criticised. It’s annoying af. Obviously we need to learn to ignore or cope with these comments as you said so definitely same conclusion but it can be tough

 

[i_believe]

@barbee100556 I definitely should care less. But I’ve had people ask me to make sure I’m not bedsharing. And family members who are very aggressively snarky about the topic.
Totally worse online, but hurts more in person even though there may be fewer comments because it’s people I know and care about!

 

[barbee100556]

@i_believe Yeah. That sucks. But if that’s true, it sounds like it’s just gonna be a thing that you are going to have to deal with. Own it! Cosleeping is great!

 

[abbas]

@barbee100556 This might be your case, but isn’t mine and it sucks . I get flak from my ped, my friends, and different family members. ‘Oh I could NEVER put MY baby in HARMS WAY like THAT’ or ‘well didn’t you research/read/get told that you’ll smother the baby?’ ‘Don’t they teach you in the hospital that cosleeping will kill your baby?’ At this point I don’t care what they think, she’s never fallen off the bed, never gotten herself close to a situation where she could smother herself, and I have insomnia and am a VERY light sleeper. I know it’s what’s best for my family but I don’t talk about it openly unless asked outright anymore

 

[alex440]

@i_believe We're almost 2.5 and still breastfeeding. You just do you.

 

[timothyhanery]

@i_believe i just started weaning and she turned 2, 2 months ago lol
edit to add i also have co slept since she was a couple days old

 

[onthemove31]

@i_believe It is wild how fast the comments change from supportive to disgusted after your baby's first birthday.

You might like this article! https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/ruth_kamnitzer.html

Also, depending on your circle of friends, feel free to use my answer. When my Christian friends ask, "HOW long are you going to keep breastfeeding?" I'm saying, "oh, probably just for as long as Mary nursed Jesus." https://ccbirthcenter.com/breastfeeding-and-the-bible/

 

[i_believe]

@onthemove31 I love these thank you!!

 

[taylor7827]

@i_believe My boy was just born and I swear cosleeping is like committing first degree murder to these nurses

 

[bymay]

@taylor7827 Congrats!! Check out happycosleeper on instagram if you want some good advice!

 

[i_believe]

@taylor7827 Seriously

 

[farhady]

@i_believe Smh. No one should be ashamed! Some people don’t have a choice. I have a 3 month old, for the first 2 weeks he did so great in his bassinet. After that.. he changed like night and day. I stayed up, for 72 hours with him.. continually transferring him to bassinet, crib, bassinet, crib, and he just absolutely refused. I tried all the tricks— baby would NOT sleep in the bassinet or crib. The longest stretch I could get him to do was 4 minutes max. He STILL will not sleep anywhere else. After continually falling asleep on the couch with him, my sleep deprivation and sanity made me co sleep. It turned into survival and I have absolutely no guilt about it, because if I did not turn to co sleeping, I’d be an absolute zombie. This is my 3rd kiddo btw, each kid is different! Being a mom is TOUGH. No one should shame moms for doing what they have to do to be their best selves ! in Japan, they co sleep, and they have the lowest SIDs risk ( just about ) everything comes with risks, of course.. there are pros and cons you just have to see what works best for you and your baby.

 

[i_believe]

@farhady That sounds very similar to what happened with us. It came to a point where I didn’t think it was safe for me to be alone with him all day being as exhausted as I was. We shared a bed the whole night for a while so we could both catch up on some sleep until we finally got to this schedule.

I have noticed that it really doesn’t matter what moms do, there’s always someone saying something negative. I know I should just ignore it all, but it’s so hard.

I didn’t know that about Japan! I think that’s amazing. Maybe correlation is not causation here.