When did you let someone else watch them?

[milliekeeling23]

My babies have been home for a few days now, born at 34 weeks and spent 2 weeks in the NICU. My husband and I are doing pretty well actually, we sleep in shifts and do 2 feeds each alone so we are both getting 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night plus a nap during the day. I trust him with both babies 100 percent he’s literally super dad.

I just can’t imagine letting anyone else babysit these kids. Does that feeling ever go away? They just seem so fragile, they’re both a little over 5 pounds. I don’t even really like to let people hold them right now. The idea of someone getting up and walking around with them while holding them makes me want to pull my skin off my body

Does that feeling ever go away or?

 

[toney9113]

@milliekeeling23 I was in a very similar boat. Mine were born at 31 weeks and spent 3.5 weeks in the NICU and came home at just over 4lbs (the minimum for their car seats).

I’d venture to guess that anyone who says something like “other people are certainly capable of handling a couple of babies” likely didn’t experience the trauma of a NICU stay and/or didn’t have any postpartum anxiety. It is fine to not feel comfortable with others watching them right now. They are still very fragile, and so are you.

No one else watched ours till I had to go back to work when they were five months old. And I work from home, so even then I was always close by.

Mine are 13 months now and I can count on one hand the number of people I’d be comfortable leaving them with. I’d need a lot of hands to count all the people who have offered to watch them, though. A decent amount of that is lingering anxiety, but it’s also related to the fact that most of those people have minimal experience with babies and none with twins. Call me crazy, but I don’t think taking care of two babies is a simple task for any old adult.

I had a very, very difficult time with letting other people hold them, and it took many months for that to start to subside. I’d advise against pushing yourself too hard and would ensure that you’re honest with your husband about your feelings, so he’s aware and doesn’t just hand the babies off to anyone who may be visiting. I had/have the hardest time with having my partner’s family around my babies, which hasn’t been the most comfortable dynamic, but being honest about it has helped.

Overall my advice would be to read up on postpartum anxiety and depression so you know the signs and know if/when you may need help. But mostly I just think you need to give yourself grace right now and not feel internal or external pressure to do something you’re not comfortable with. There will be plenty of time to accept help in the future, but forcing it before you’re ready may do more harm than good.

 

[missgiver]

@toney9113 Backing you up 100% on this

 

[newsong2018]

@milliekeeling23 We were happy to accept any helping hands we could get to nap, run errands, or enjoy a few minutes of non-baby time. Everything in balance. Those early days were rougghhhh.

 

[christisyourlife]

@milliekeeling23 Grandparents, your parents, are live savers. I’d ask others but it’s not that I don’t trust them, I just understand it’s very overwhelming even for seasoned babysitters!

 

[aksumite]

@milliekeeling23 My parents and my in-laws watched them for 2-3ish hours at about 1 or 2 months old. As long as there were two sets of adult hands, I felt safe leaving them. My babies took bottles no problem though.

If you've got someone offering you the help, I'd take it!

 

[aliahsy]

@aksumite Ya so far I’ve only left them alone with my mom or my mom and grandma at the same time never anyone else

 

[sarah2cma]

@milliekeeling23 I had a similar feeling after they were born. We had a night nurse and then other caregivers as they were 6mo+. It was so hard both cases to be ok with them being with other people even though they were in the house with us and we could hear/see everything.

It still hasn't gone away 2yr later, but it's nowhere near as intense and it got a lot better as I had good experiences with caregivers and as they got bigger and stronger.

Hang in there - they are so little and it's totally ok if you're not ready to be away from them yet. It will get different.

 

[joeyfish]

@milliekeeling23 Idk that the feeling goes away. I think mine was around 6 months when I had no choice. I had to have some medical treatment that children absolutely couldn’t go to. It was only for about an hour and a half a week though. At 14 months I still dread when they are away from me

 

[dubschanging]

@milliekeeling23 I had my twins at 34 weeks. They were in the NICU about 3ish weeks. It was very traumatic.

I also had my kids 4 weeks before my birthday. So the first week they were home, I was forced to leave the house. I was a fucking wreck. I don’t think I left the house again after that til they were about 4 months old. At 4 months my mom watched them when we wanted to have a date night.

Now my kids are 14months and I let anyone in my family watch them. They’re pretty easy kids, so my brothers or my mom/step dad don’t mind watching them. I still will message them every other hour or so to ask how they’re doing.

My anxiety feeling went away a lot when it came to other watching my kids, but that feeling of “no one can watch my kids but me and dad” went away around 4-7 months.

 

[jleq]

@milliekeeling23 Ours are 13 days old and I feel this definitely! Wouldn't trust anyone with them right now, and I feel nervous when we have people come and see them, my wife is the same! I feel like once they've chubbed out, had jabs etc, then I'll feel ok about it or at least with their grandparents if no-one else.

Also, I've just setup a WhatsApp group for dads of multiples if your partner would like to join! Just DM me

 

[nativenewyorker1980]

@milliekeeling23 Yes that feeling goes away. There's still a limited number of people I trust with them but it's nothing like that postpartum feeling

 

[silverspoon]

@milliekeeling23 I wasn’t comfortable with only one person watching them outside of me or my husband until about 7 months. This was my MIL who has been with us 5/7 days a week and know our twins very well and their routine. She now watches them during the day at 16 months. We’ve left them twice overnight with my parents. Overnight, I still require two people because bedtime has become a fight and then nighttime is hit or miss depending if they are teething. Your babies are still very young so I can absolutely remember that feeling. Start (when you’re comfortable) by taking just an hour or two away where you can quickly make it home if need be.

 

[martonna71]

@milliekeeling23 Like two weeks. We needed the help so the kids have to get used to other people right away

 

[lavenda]

@milliekeeling23 It went away soon as we had no choice sometimes . It was too cold to take them grocery shopping and the amount I spend when shopping , dad has to come too. But honestly once they get older and start to come out the newborn stage I swear you are going to wish another adult was present to help you and their dad lol We get tagged team everyday by something . They just turned 1 and either they both are trying to climb the stairs upstairs at the same time, both have blow out diapers , both having meltdowns , hungry at the same time , etc and sometimes we feel in over our heads but we appreciate any family sitters we have gotten so we can have time together or run errands without having to drag them out as well.

 

[oak1683]

@milliekeeling23 I remember my in-laws watched our twins when they were a month old so we could go on an anniversary date. I won't lie that was the hardest 2 hours ever for me. But I'm glad I did it

 

[monkish]

@milliekeeling23 I’m pretty much in the same boat right now. My girls were born at 33-5 about 3 weeks ago. They were in the NICU for 2 weeks. Both weigh about 5 pounds. My husband and I split shifts and our parents do come to help with a feeding every now and then, but we’re very cautious about having people close to or holding the girls just yet. I go back to work in October, so our plan is to have the grandparents coming and spending good chunks of time here with me in September so they know the girls’ routines well for when I go back.

 

[timnewton85]

@milliekeeling23 My twins are 6 months and we have zero people we know can handle them. None of our grandparents can care for both of the babies at the same time. We had three of our neighbors (all older moms to 20+ year old kids) offer to do it all together and we are planning to try that for a daytime date. It’s hard to find someone who can care for twins!

 

[milliekeeling23]

@timnewton85 Yeah I just feel like most people I know are overwhelmed looking while holding one baby, let alone two

 

[thisguy64]

@milliekeeling23 Mmmm I'm probably an outlier but my kids weren't left with anyone else until nearly 3. I don't/didn't have any family nearby and I was extremely paranoid about something happening. When they were 4 they started preschool 3 hours per day.