@jcrook I was born at 26 weeks in 1985 weighing 2lb 9oz, when I went to Kindergarten I was overwhelmed and my mom and teacher thought it was best to wait another year, I was born in August so I was on the younger side for the group. The next year they tried again and I blossomed. I was a gifted student who read at the high school level by the end of elementary. Now, I’m about to begin my 13th year as a teacher and I just gave birth to my 31 week son in March. He’s 2 1/2 months old but 3 weeks adjusted, it’s a learning curve but he’s doing things that are good for both his adjusted age and his real age like trying to roll to one side. Best of luck and you are not alone
@jcrook People just don’t understand and sometimes them offering compassion comes packaged as an inappropriate question. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to vent to my husband during my high risk pregnancy when our parents ask questions or make statements about our diagnosis that knock my socks off. For example, when we had an initial microcephaly diagnosis someone asked if our child would be retarded as a result. I had to educate people on what these different things meant as the majority of people just have no clue and genuinely ask these questions because their brain is trying to find a connection to something familiar in a situation which is foreign. Hang in there - you know your baby and don’t owe anyone an explanation as to what when and why unless you want to share.
@leaderoftheband I keep joking that I just outsourced the last trimester to an isolette because of complications with the first gestational location. I don't feel like it's fair to try and force my child to fit into a box based on her birthday because she wasn't ready to be born then.
@jcrook My twin boys were born at 34 week on the dot. They were premie and were in the NICU for about 2ish weeks. My cousin and her sister in law had babies a day before me and 2 days after me. They’re fucking huge. I brought my twins to my brothers baby shower (tbh I didn’t let anyone hold them) and my cousin and the other one were passing around their babies like it was nothing. I am over protective and these people will show up sick to events. They would make comments “oh your babies are tiny. This baby is huge, I think these girls will beat your babies to everything” or “omg they’re so tiny. Oh I can’t hold them, they let me hold their baby. That’s not fair” and it pissed me off to high heavens.
They also got mad at me because I wouldn’t send pictures to them when they were in the hospital. I didn’t want a pitty party because I was already going tf through it and would said “oh I went to see them in the hospital. Why can’t you send me pictures.” Well Karen, they are hooked up to fucking every wire in the building and I know y’all would post it on social media and talk shit. My boys are 4 months and I still refuse to let them see them bc of their comments.
@jcrook I never thought that they actually ever “catch up”. I thought this was more of a euphemism. Catching up is more of an illusion just because milestones become farther and farther apart starting in the last quarter of year 1 and are much more spread out at age 2 when they stop counting corrected age. Catching up doesn’t really seem like a realistic way of looking at it? Idk. The brain is where the brain is developmentally. Sure leaps can happen, and it would be interesting to see some studies that look at how the brain develops for preemies (i have my own theories that my 28 weeker’s brain started figuring out that she was older than she was around 3 months corrected).
And obviously it’s moot point past young childhood.
@jcrook The first comment my mom made about my son’s adjusted age was this week. He turned 3 in March. People just “didn’t get it” when I explained multiple times when he was an infant. I gave up trying to justify anything and would just say “he’s developing appropriately for x adjusted age,” or “oh we won’t worry about him not doing x until he’s y adjusted age.”
He “caught up” by 30 months but I can tell you what my mom said this week is true, his maturity matches more for his adjusted age than his actual age. He’s very smart but that’s in spite of prematurity I think (he knows his phonics and is beginning to learn to read). But he refuses any attempts at potty training. He stumbles enough on stairs that we still can’t trust him to be fully independent with them.
I never got the obsession, as a 24 weeker he received an automatic referral to early intervention. I think early intervention is great, and very needed for many little ones, but I wanted to treat him like any other baby. I said if he fell behind for adjusted age then we would seek therapy. And he’s never needed it.
He’s a bit behind on social skills but that’s more because of avoiding sickness (per pulmonologist) so there’s not much we can do about that yet
@jcrook I mean my 27 weeker is nearly 3 and is cognitively a 15 month old and overall quite delayed. He doesn't speak, he walks but can't run. I don't want him to be delayed. I would like him to catch up. I don't think people are being malicious when they ask these questions.
@jcrook My preemies were born we 36w1d. Mine were, of course, not micros, but still took time to "catch up." Honestly, I always hated that term. Even full term babies will do things at their own pace and don't hit milestones at the same time. Mine just had their 9th birthday on Monday and just finished 3rd grade. Academically, they're advanced, super smart kids that tested above grade level. Size wise, they've been under the growth chart since they were born. Height and weight below the 1%. They were "late" on all their milestones until about 3 years old. They did things at their own pace and that was perfectly fine because they did eventually do those things, when they were ready. Your little one will get there, just give them time.
@jcrook Miracles are not meant to be rushed in my opinion. my 25+5'er is almost one and a half but 13 months adjusted, to me she's just fine but to the world they see the differences in her and other babies her age.
I'd take it all as a grain of salt. Something so small compared to the blessing we have in being able to watch them grow and thrive DESPITE how DIFFERENT they may grow, may learn or may be.
congratulations and we're rooting for you and baby.
and we're rooting for you and baby.