What's the obsession with "catching up"?

J

jcrook

New member
People keep asking when I expect my baby will catch up with babies that are born around the same time as her. The first few times I got this question I wasn't that bothered but the more I get it I'm just baffled.

Never, that's when I expect her to catch up.

She was a micropreemie born at 25 weeks. She's turning 6 months old actual this weekend. I don't want her to be hitting the milestones of a six month old. I'm just impressed that she's already hit most of the 3 month milestones, I'd be calm even if she hadn't. She's only 2 and a half months adjusted and even if she was even more delayed in her milestones that would be super understandable. My daughter has fought like hell to be here, I have no expectations of her beyond what she's able. I'm so impressed and proud of her that every time I get the question I'm offended for her.

People have told me that they've heard that preemies generally catch up by X age. X had been a few different ages ranging from 8 months to 6 years although I think I've most often heard about 2 years. I'd expect that preemies wouldn't ever really catch up, the margin of error for expected milestones just grows bigger than the amount of time they were born early. Their delays just disappear into standard deviation. Am I wrong?
 
@floydcal These are all comments from people who already know. Small community and 94 days in the NICU so keeping it a secret wasn't really an option.
 
@jcrook The general rule, and the rule all medical professionals follow, is that preemies will catch up by the age of 2.

I will say this as my own anecdotal experience. My 26w4d preemie is over 3yo and he is still catching up and has global development delay. Your baby could be just fine, but its always helpful to keep an eye on their development just in case they are missing milestones and will need early intervention.
 
@tailofchrist Our 25w5d kid will be 7 in August and her social skills put her in the grade below while her academic skills put her in the grade above. It's all about your kid though, forget anyone trying to compare your kid this early.
 
@jcrook I think people are just trying to be supportive or encouraging the best way they know how. I wouldn't fault someone for asking about my child catching up, but I can understand your frustration.

I do think your last statement is arguing semantics. Did they "catch up" or are they just "[falling into] standard deviation?" Is there a difference? They're definitely not always on the bottom of the charts.

Ultimately, yes, they're all on their own path and we should be proud of their growth and accomplishments. But, it is accurate to say there is a measurable amount of "catch up growth" that occurs which differs from their full-term peers.

Congrats to you and your daughter. I hope she continues to thrive.
 
@biblestudy How many studies are there on this though? You say that they're not always bottom of the charts, but are they statistically more likely to be near the bottom? I mean there are studies that suggest that the older you are in an academic year the more likely you are to get into Ivy League schools, the difference is at least statistically significant and there we are talking about months in age gap on a scale of almost two decades.

I don't understand what about my child spending the entire third trimester in the hospital is supposed to make it more reasonable to evaluate her in comparison with children born almost four months before she was supposed to, rather than the ones born around her due date.
 
@jcrook I'm not familiar with the number of studies available, sorry.

I like to use both my son's actual and adjusted age when measuring milestones. As long as he's somewhere within the wide range of normal, then I feel comfortable knowing that intervention isn't needed.

They're definitely their own people and can fall anywhere on the charts. Also, there are so many variables and so many different aspects that are tracked and measured.
 
@jcrook My sister was born at 34 weeks in 1992 and it took her several years to catch up but today she has a PhD. People can fuck right off
 
@jcrook This drives me nuts too. She is her developmental age as far as I’m concerned, eviction date be damned!

My husband’s co-worker had full term baby born three days after our 2.5lb preemie. My husband (jokingly) says to me/NICU baby “P is already holding onto her bottle” “P has had several solid foods already”. Good for her. She is 6 weeks older and was born healthy. To which he replies “technically she is younger...”. Like, I get he’s trying to make a ‘dad joke’, but imma loose it one day.
 
@jcrook My son is 16 months. He was born at 33 weeks 4 days. Head size he’s in the 86th percentile. Weight is around 14th percentile. Height—like 2nd. The pediatrician initially told us “most preemies” catch up by 24 months. He has now set expectations that as long as he’s following his growth curve and continues to do so—that’s all that matters. I’m 5’3 and my husband is 6ft. Chances of my son being exceptionally tall—not great.

The state we live in automatically signs all preemies up for early intervention—he’s met all reasonable milestones around when he’s supposed to. Not all on time and not all delayed. The dude is going at his own pace.

It use to keep me up at night that his cousins, who were barely older or slightly younger, were so much bigger or that I wasn’t doing all I can to help him.

As long as your pediatrician and doctors are telling you that they’re doing well—that’s all that matters.

I was actually in the opposite boat— some
folks around us would reject my concerns and get aggressive because there’s no way THEIR grandson, nephew, etc. would be delayed. It would drive me insane. Let me kid be my kid. If they are—okay. We handle if. If they aren’t—that’s cool, too.
 
@jcrook Don’t you ever want to just scream “they’re a god damn miracle!” I had a full term baby but we were up against a lot of scary diagnosis, so every time he is up against a milestone I have to remind myself of all he’s been through. People are weird and say the worst stuff.
 
@jcrook I just tell people no one will notice she is two months behind by the time she is a 3yo. And then they just say "oh yeah" and look like they feel dumb for not thinking of that.
 
@jcrook I think for people who haven’t had or known a preemie, getting their heads around the concept of how much ‘inside’ growing they did ‘outside’ is really difficult. Adjusted age blows some people’s minds.
I have a moderate preemie (32w) and if anyone asks about her development in relation to age I mostly just say we’re really proud of her doing whatever her most recent achievement was.
 
@jcrook
Their delays just disappear into standard deviation.
Click to expand...

I love this sentence, and you are not wrong. You have a great handle on the situation! I wouldn't talk about delays/milestone expectations in detail with anyone but their doctor or, if you ever feel the need, early intervention services.

"When do you expect him to catch up?" In whatever time he needs! We are just following baby's lead and supporting his current developmental stage. Baby's doctor is happy with the progress. (I'd say that last bit to most people even if it wasn't true. End of discussion.)

I've actually loved how relaxed I became about milestones since I had a preemie. (33 weeker, so very different situation.) Our NICU had the mentality of not pushing baby to do anything before they are ready, and generally following their lead. If we ever had concerns about delays, that was a question for doctors, not a friends & family discussion. We loved celebrating milestones with friends/family as he reached them, though! That's a great way for them to express support.
 
@jcrook I feel like it's a bit of both - the range of normal variation gets wide enough to encompass the few months of prematurity. But also, there is an expectation that they are able to make gains on their full term peers so that those on the later end of milestones for their adjusted age will get into the later end of milestones for their actual age.

I honestly think growth/progress is more important than absolute numbers. Like, in my job, I would be less concerned about a little one who is delayed with milestones but progressing at an appropriate rate vs a little one who was meeting their milestones but now has stalled in their progress.
 
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