TW: blood, lots of blood
Today was the scariest day of my life. 6 days post-op after a c-section (making me an r/predaddit grad a second time around!), my wife began to bleed heavily and pass these huge clots. Turns out it was postpartum hemorrhaging, and because of COVID I couldn't even be there in the ER with her. The whole time I wish I knew something, anything, about what I could expect. So I decided to write some things down in hopes of helping the next dad.
**Disclaimer: I'm not qualified to give medical advice. This is based purely on my own personal experience and I am not a medical professional**
Step 0: Have your support system lined up! If I didn't have someone to watch the newborn and toddler, this would have been an even more awful day.
Step 1: Call 911, don't drive her yourself. We were debating, and only decided on calling 911 because I was too nerve-wracked to drive. But I'm so glad I did! Because, at the time, she was bleeding a lot, and they had me lay her on her back and do a fundal massage (massage the uterus until it felt hard like a grapefruit). Though it was the most horrifying thing I've ever done (I'll never forget my wife's screams), it stopped the bleeding until the paramedics could come. Honestly, if we had driven she probably would have bled out on the way there because being in a seated position would have been the worst idea!
Step 2: Make sure the get OB involved right away. Our OB had told us to call Labor and Delivery if she started bleeding, but there was no room in L&D and ER was like, "No, this is an ER problem - we'll take her." Well, we both distinctly remember the OB emphasizing to not go to ER and only go to L&D so I called the OB on call and apparently nobody had informed them she was there. What the FUCK?! When OB did get there, they told her they only came because I called "in a panic" (like, how else was I supposed to feel) and they yelled at the nurses for not calling them in right away.
Step 3: Cry. But pull over when you do so you can still see. There's no shame in crying, dads!
Step 4: If breastfeeding, plan getting pumped milk (or, at the very least, make sure they give her a breast pump so she doesn't end up with mastitis on top of everything). We ended up having close neighbor friends go on milk runs -- it was not as easy as it should have been, so send them with two adults so one can wait in the car and the other can run in and figure out where the milk is.
Step 5: Be aware of the process and the options. The first thing they do is try to stop the bleeding with fundal massages as well as manual extractions (this literally means reaching into the cervix and pulling out clots...I'm actually glad I wasn't there for that!). Next they give medicine to get her uterus to cramp, like petocin -- this should help the uterus do it's job. If that doesn't work, they may try a D&C (same procedure for abortions and miscarriages) to try to get the remaining clot(s) out. There's a slightly increased risk of uterine perforation after a recent c-section (maybe after vaginal birth too), but it's not huge. If worst comes to worst, it's a hysterectomy, which they really want to avoid because it's hard to do and more dangerous after birth (something about vasculature and other parts of anatomy changing during pregnancy).
Step 6: Update everyone. And reach out to people you love to support you -- yes, it's your wife whose life is on the line but you need emotional support too. This will be one of the worst days of your life and you need people to talk to.
Step 7: Be grateful that your amazing partner made it out alive and she is home safe with the family. Hug her and your kids extra close (but gently), and don't be ashamed of all the blubbering you've done today.
I hope this helps someone someday. Happy to answer any questions people have! Good luck gentlemen.
Edit to add: the pain of the cramping medicine is unbearable and they won’t try to give her pain meds (as far as I can tell ER just doesn’t take postpartum issues seriously in the US). You won’t be able to be there if it’s still COVID times so make sure your partner knows she has to advocate for herself and demand getting pain meds BEFORE they give her things like pitocin.
Today was the scariest day of my life. 6 days post-op after a c-section (making me an r/predaddit grad a second time around!), my wife began to bleed heavily and pass these huge clots. Turns out it was postpartum hemorrhaging, and because of COVID I couldn't even be there in the ER with her. The whole time I wish I knew something, anything, about what I could expect. So I decided to write some things down in hopes of helping the next dad.
**Disclaimer: I'm not qualified to give medical advice. This is based purely on my own personal experience and I am not a medical professional**
Step 0: Have your support system lined up! If I didn't have someone to watch the newborn and toddler, this would have been an even more awful day.
Step 1: Call 911, don't drive her yourself. We were debating, and only decided on calling 911 because I was too nerve-wracked to drive. But I'm so glad I did! Because, at the time, she was bleeding a lot, and they had me lay her on her back and do a fundal massage (massage the uterus until it felt hard like a grapefruit). Though it was the most horrifying thing I've ever done (I'll never forget my wife's screams), it stopped the bleeding until the paramedics could come. Honestly, if we had driven she probably would have bled out on the way there because being in a seated position would have been the worst idea!
Step 2: Make sure the get OB involved right away. Our OB had told us to call Labor and Delivery if she started bleeding, but there was no room in L&D and ER was like, "No, this is an ER problem - we'll take her." Well, we both distinctly remember the OB emphasizing to not go to ER and only go to L&D so I called the OB on call and apparently nobody had informed them she was there. What the FUCK?! When OB did get there, they told her they only came because I called "in a panic" (like, how else was I supposed to feel) and they yelled at the nurses for not calling them in right away.
Step 3: Cry. But pull over when you do so you can still see. There's no shame in crying, dads!
Step 4: If breastfeeding, plan getting pumped milk (or, at the very least, make sure they give her a breast pump so she doesn't end up with mastitis on top of everything). We ended up having close neighbor friends go on milk runs -- it was not as easy as it should have been, so send them with two adults so one can wait in the car and the other can run in and figure out where the milk is.
Step 5: Be aware of the process and the options. The first thing they do is try to stop the bleeding with fundal massages as well as manual extractions (this literally means reaching into the cervix and pulling out clots...I'm actually glad I wasn't there for that!). Next they give medicine to get her uterus to cramp, like petocin -- this should help the uterus do it's job. If that doesn't work, they may try a D&C (same procedure for abortions and miscarriages) to try to get the remaining clot(s) out. There's a slightly increased risk of uterine perforation after a recent c-section (maybe after vaginal birth too), but it's not huge. If worst comes to worst, it's a hysterectomy, which they really want to avoid because it's hard to do and more dangerous after birth (something about vasculature and other parts of anatomy changing during pregnancy).
Step 6: Update everyone. And reach out to people you love to support you -- yes, it's your wife whose life is on the line but you need emotional support too. This will be one of the worst days of your life and you need people to talk to.
Step 7: Be grateful that your amazing partner made it out alive and she is home safe with the family. Hug her and your kids extra close (but gently), and don't be ashamed of all the blubbering you've done today.
I hope this helps someone someday. Happy to answer any questions people have! Good luck gentlemen.
Edit to add: the pain of the cramping medicine is unbearable and they won’t try to give her pain meds (as far as I can tell ER just doesn’t take postpartum issues seriously in the US). You won’t be able to be there if it’s still COVID times so make sure your partner knows she has to advocate for herself and demand getting pain meds BEFORE they give her things like pitocin.