cassidyshay
New member
I apologize if this isn’t a good place to post this but I’m worried if I post in the breastfeeding sub ppl will try to offer advice for making it work and that’s not what I need.
My daughter is three months and to say I gave breastfeeding my all is an understatement. She was a week late and induced with emergency c section after pushing four hours. I was given anti psychotic medication for a panic attack during the surgery which made me unable to hold her afterwards. I was exhausted and out of it and didn’t latch her as much as I should’ve the first couple of days, even though she herself had a great latch and good appetite. I also lost a lot of blood during the c section (hence the panic attack). My milk didn’t come in until day 5 and when it did it came in veryyyy slowly.
We triple fed for six weeks, my supply crawled from 2-3 oz a day the first couple of weeks until finally being able to produce 25-27 oz/day at 2.5 months. I took all the supplements I could think of, Iatched her as much as I could. She stopped being able to transfer milk well. Probably because she got dependent on the bottles while I built my supply. I saw three different lactation consultants multiple times. One lent me a scale to do weighted feeds at home. Sometimes she transferred 4-5 oz at a time, most times 1.5 oz. Every time I would try to start exclusively breastfeeding and stop pumping as much, my supply would start dropping because she can’t empty me as well as the pump can.
My last ditch effort was buying domperidone from Canada. I figured if I could built a bit of an oversupply, it would be easier for her to feed from me. Unfortunately I felt like I was having cardiac side effects and didn’t feel comfortable continuing taking it, even though it did work for me.
So I told myself okay this is it. I’m going to stop. I hateeee pumping bc of the time it takes away from her. But the thing is, on the rare occasion breastfeeding works for us, it is absolutely wonderful. It makes me so happy and peaceful to see her calmly feeding from me. I love feeling like I can provide for her in that way. So when I stopped pumping as much and saw my supply dropping when I pumped to relieve engorgement I freaked out and cried my eyes out.
Now I’m pumping a bit again because l can’t stand the permanence of being done. But I also feel like I’m dragging my family through hell with all the stress of trying to continue. I feel like I’m in breastfeeding purgatory. I’m so sad to stop but so stressed if i continue.
I reached out to my therapist to talk about this. But just wondering for those of you who have weaned, how did you deal with the sadness? I’m embarrassed to say it is making me feel as sad as if someone had died. I didn’t even care about breastfeeding when I was pregnant.
My daughter is three months and to say I gave breastfeeding my all is an understatement. She was a week late and induced with emergency c section after pushing four hours. I was given anti psychotic medication for a panic attack during the surgery which made me unable to hold her afterwards. I was exhausted and out of it and didn’t latch her as much as I should’ve the first couple of days, even though she herself had a great latch and good appetite. I also lost a lot of blood during the c section (hence the panic attack). My milk didn’t come in until day 5 and when it did it came in veryyyy slowly.
We triple fed for six weeks, my supply crawled from 2-3 oz a day the first couple of weeks until finally being able to produce 25-27 oz/day at 2.5 months. I took all the supplements I could think of, Iatched her as much as I could. She stopped being able to transfer milk well. Probably because she got dependent on the bottles while I built my supply. I saw three different lactation consultants multiple times. One lent me a scale to do weighted feeds at home. Sometimes she transferred 4-5 oz at a time, most times 1.5 oz. Every time I would try to start exclusively breastfeeding and stop pumping as much, my supply would start dropping because she can’t empty me as well as the pump can.
My last ditch effort was buying domperidone from Canada. I figured if I could built a bit of an oversupply, it would be easier for her to feed from me. Unfortunately I felt like I was having cardiac side effects and didn’t feel comfortable continuing taking it, even though it did work for me.
So I told myself okay this is it. I’m going to stop. I hateeee pumping bc of the time it takes away from her. But the thing is, on the rare occasion breastfeeding works for us, it is absolutely wonderful. It makes me so happy and peaceful to see her calmly feeding from me. I love feeling like I can provide for her in that way. So when I stopped pumping as much and saw my supply dropping when I pumped to relieve engorgement I freaked out and cried my eyes out.
Now I’m pumping a bit again because l can’t stand the permanence of being done. But I also feel like I’m dragging my family through hell with all the stress of trying to continue. I feel like I’m in breastfeeding purgatory. I’m so sad to stop but so stressed if i continue.
I reached out to my therapist to talk about this. But just wondering for those of you who have weaned, how did you deal with the sadness? I’m embarrassed to say it is making me feel as sad as if someone had died. I didn’t even care about breastfeeding when I was pregnant.
your experience sounds so similar to mine. That jewelry idea sounds so nice, I’m going to look into it. Thank you 
I can’t even let myself start to think about a second child just because I’ve found birth and now this to be devastating at times. But I hope when the time comes I can feel just as much peace with however we feed them!