We can’t bed share because my baby is formula fed? Explain

[chenml60]

A few nights ago my 8 week year old and I started bedsharing because he wouldn’t sleep unless being held which means I wasn’t sleeping at all. Additional info on that down below.

So it was either: accidentally fall asleep with him in my arms on the couch / rocking chair, or intentionally bed share. I made the choice I thought was safest out of two unsafe choices. I know a lot of people on this subreddit can relate. That’s why we’re here. HOWEVER, people are shouting “safe sleep 7” from the rooftops, and I have been told that I can’t bed share because my babe doesn’t breast feed. Why not? Why do I have to be sleep deprived and put my little guy at a bigger risk because he’s formula fed?

Additional questions: do any of you have babe a little higher than the breast? I get the concept of why babies should be there, but I (sleeping on my left) have woken up twice with my right arm on his face, but then not again now that his head is more at my shoulder. I just positioned us lower on the bed.

What does your babe wear to bed with you? Just pajamas or pajamas and a sleep sack? I worry about my guy getting overheated.

What do you wear? I am wearing 3 layers head to toe and am still waking up cold without blankets. Room is 70 degrees F. I have always run cold.

Additional info: I tried so hard to breast feed. 5 weeks of combo feeding with a bad latch, then pumping and never sleeping. After 9 breast feeding consultations with second opinions and no further progress, we had to stop because my supply dried up by that point.

My guy slept like a champ in his bassinet until 6 weeks when he developed severe 24/7 acid reflux and had to be held upright to sleep. Turned out it was a milk protein allergy. Solved that problem, but then he got used to contact sleeping and now we’re here.

 

[lcnolen2022]

@chenml60 I don’t have a link for it, but I remember reading a study when I was pregnant that found EBF babies are “better” at keeping their noses cleared from a surface because they’re used to doing it when they nurse (moving themselves to keep nose clear from breast tissue so they can breathe while eating) and that this process is similar to what babies would have to do to continue breathing safely if they accidentally roll onto their tummies in bed. I believe the study was done in Europe, I think Germany, from maybe somewhere in the 2018-2020 time period. Of course, i suppose this wouldn’t matter as much once baby is older and has better head control and can roll independently, but i guess it’s a factor for tiny babies.

 

[cande]

@lcnolen2022 That’s very interesting, I’ve never heard that before but it makes a lot of sense! I have also often wondered why breast versus bottle made any sort of difference with sleeping

 

[chenml60]

@lcnolen2022 Oh okay I can see how that would make sense.

 

[meansofgrace]

@chenml60 One of the things I read in the James McKenna cosleeping studies is that breastfed babies sleep zero’d in on nipple all night. So they don’t roll away or really even move at all. There may be other protective factors as well.

https://cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/#Q7

 

[chenml60]

@meansofgrace That makes sense! We attempted breast feeding for about a month so hopefully that helps him stay at that level. I’ve noticed that when he was in his bassinet, he would wiggle and migrate into the sides until he would get smushed and cry. He would do this throughout the night and I’d have to center him again and again. In bed, he doesn’t wiggle anywhere at all. Just a few twitches now and then. It made me nervous at first! Now I think that when he was wiggling before, he was trying to find me.

 

[meansofgrace]

@chenml60 aw so sweet (and kind of sad) to think about him wiggling around trying to find you! love the cosleeping. unfortunately my 1 yr old is now wiggly and wound up in general to even sleep with me, he sleeps so much better in his crib

 

[hoasenphat]

@chenml60 My son never latched…I exclusively pumped and he was bottle fed for his first year and we coslept starting at 4months when he hit the first big sleep regression. He’s now almost 18 months and we still bedshare when he wakes up around 4am and won’t go back to sleep on his own. There are risks to absolutely everything we do as parents - mitigate as best you can but you need to do what’s best for you and YOUR baby. No one else can make those decisions for you.

 

[ell3bee]

@hoasenphat The last two sentences are absolutely right!!!

 

[chenml60]

@hoasenphat Understood, thank you!

 

[merekas]

@chenml60 So I do breastfeed but I have never followed the no blanket rule. I just tuck it around myself. And I always use a pillow. I also stopped putting him down on his back once we got the hang of side lie nursing. Now he always sleeps on his side or belly. The safe sleep 7 are guidelines but you can do what fees safe for you and your little one.

 

[zeljko]

@merekas 100%. Start with the guidelines and make adjustments based on your comfort and what you feel is safe/ best for your baby! I feel it is best for my baby that I am rested and coherent for him during the day… so we bed share… and I truly believe that is safer than us both being beyond exhausted all day. You got this mama!

 

[danielmears]

@merekas Same

 

[lesernle]

@chenml60 Safe sleep 7 is basically mitigation of risk. I’m going to be honest here: I formula feed. I have a lot of health issues + an emergency C section at 37 weeks which made it difficult to breastfeed.

Cosleeping got us through 0-8 weeks, the 4 month regression, and random nights now when baby gets fussy and needs me. The idea that I can’t cosleep because my body didn’t produce enough milk never sat right with me. I wouldn’t suggest it to anyone else only because only YOU know your needs and you need to be prepared for the risks.

ETA: To answer some of your questions. I do place baby next to me but a bit higher. I ensure that she can’t accidentally roll. She wears footy pajamas in bed with us when necessary. Depends on how cold/warm your house is. My baby runs warm and the house is typically at like 73°F. I wear a full long sleeve and sweat pants when I feel really cold. NO blankets or pillows near her.

 

[rollo22]

@lesernle I EFF also and we cosleep. I always get downvoted for saying that I haven’t totally bought in on the argument that BFing is safer for cosleeping, because the reasoning seems like just a guess. But I’m with you, mitigation of risk is the goal, and I feel we did that even with EFFing while cosleeping.

 

[chenml60]

@lesernle Thank you for the information and for sharing your experience!

 

[peopleperson9503]

@chenml60 I formula fed my first baby and co slept, she also co slept with dad.

I always felt a little bit weird that it felt like you weren’t allowed to co sleep if you formula or bottle fed.

I’ve done a lot of reading on the co sleeping subject and came to the conclusion that it’s mainly recommended not to co sleep because everyone’s situation is different and everyone’s level of risk is different. If you tell everyone they can co sleep and it’s safe there will be people who don’t follow the safety recommendations or even common sense when it comes to it.

There is a risk calculator you can look at here

I also believe James McKenna who studied infant sleep and co sleep said when studied breastfeeding mothers rouse more often than those that didn’t which I think is why breastfeeding comes into it (someone correct me if I’m wrong)

That being said, I followed the safe sleep 7 without breastfeeding. Regardless of if you breastfeed or formula feed there is still risk to everything and intentional cosleeping is always safer than accidentally falling asleep while holding your baby

 

[chenml60]

@peopleperson9503 Thank you for that risk calculator link!!

 

[soniagupta]

@chenml60 Have been bedsharing since one month old.
I think what I‘ve heard a couple of times is that breastfeeding strengthens certain connections in the brain that send signals to the center responsible for breathing and hence lowers the risk of SIDS but please fact check that! With that being said, I am pretty sure you’re not the only Mamma formula feeding and bedsharing.

I absolutely put my baby on shoulder sometimes even headheight and curl around her. I just feel like she is safe there. We share a blanket that I tuck into the matress at the bottom and because she runs super hot I only dress her in a little onzie with short or long sleeves. Our room is about 70 degrees. Ultimately you should follow your gut feeling

 

[chenml60]

@soniagupta Thanks for the info!!