Visitors immediately post c-section

[cbmiller]

I’m getting really tired of my partner being unsupportive in every single opinion of mine and being told it’s not all about you. I’ve already had this because I said I didn’t want a baby’m shower, being told it wasn’t about me etc etc.

Im having a c-section and he made a comment last night about how his mum would be there after the birth. I.e basically waiting for it to come out. And I was like no she won’t. A lot of back of forth and I said I don’t want anyone there and he went it’s not all about you. I feel like pregnancy is literally the one time you can be like actually, it literally is all about what’s best for the baby and I. I don’t want any visitors moments after a c-section, when I’m likely in pain, still under medication and tired. I struggle with his mum anyway, because she’s so in your face constantly and I find it suffocating, but secondly this isn’t preferential grandparent treatment. I want them all treated the same, and actually this is my parent’s first grandchild, she already has four. I don’t know how to create boundaries without him immediately jumping to her defence saying she’s just trying to help. He childishly slept in the spare room last night, said four words to me this morning and haven’t spoken to him since. I’ve left our house to go to my flat and I’ve not even heard from him.

Is it unreasonable to say no visitors moments / hours after the baby is born?

Edit - we exchanged some texts and apparently it’s as if I’m the one not being selfish and to come back when I realise it’s “our” baby. And I forget how lucky I am and how he barely asks for anything.

I literally cannot comprehend how he thinks he’s in the right and it’s acceptable to have his mum there. I’m totally over it and deflated right now.

 

[justjude]

@cbmiller I told my husband that I want my dad to be there for his vasectomy. That shut him up and now it’s very much what I want.

 

[daddyof2]

@justjude Don't forget the prostate exam!

 

[mathewbailey08]

@justjude Hahahah this comment is so underrated genuinely made me laugh

 

[dece870717]

@justjude This is great. I'll have to remember this one for future use lol.

 

[niasia]

@justjude Genius

 

[allpastors]

@cbmiller He's pouting, let him pout.

At the hospital inform the staff that you don't want visitors, and they'll help in that. They'll even deal with him if it comes down to it.

During and after pregnancy it really is all about mum and baby.

 

[hotrod8476]

@allpastors I was going to say the same thing. My husband said something one time and I basically stated that I would tell the hospital I don’t want visitors and if he can’t accept that, he will leave too. I want full control over when and even if I feel ready in the hospital.

 

[neala]

@cbmiller Of course it's normal to not want visitors! He's your man not his mamma's baby boy, he needs to step up.

 

[cbmiller]

@neala Ha, I wish that was true but he’s such a mummies boy. He’ll no doubt equally want her there but I honestly feel like he never ever supports me in my feelings or wishes. It’s always “world doesn’t revolve around you.”

 

[e31]

@cbmiller What is this man bringing to this relationship because it sure doesn't sound like loyalty

 

[married2]

@cbmiller It doesn't revolve around his mother either!

 

[cbmiller]

@married2 Honestly, I’m dreading once the baby is here. I’m not sure I’ll cope with her.

 

[best99]

@cbmiller Honestly, start making plans to stay at your parents for recovery. That little boy and his mother will ruin your post partum and surge you to PPD so fast! I would pack everything you need for 4 weeks or so and tell him you will let him know his visiting hours since he won’t respect boundaries and recovery. I would also be very firm with hospital staff about no visitors.

 

[illimmigrant]

@best99 This. You have to stick up for not only yourself but your baby.

 

[digitalwilderness]

@cbmiller If your husband won’t support you, go to your mom’s house to recover postpartum. He can visit the baby there if he can’t support your wishes. I just had my baby 6 weeks ago, and it’s an incredibly vulnerable time. Boundaries around visitors who stress you out are a must

 

[luis729]

@cbmiller 1: The hospital will likely only allow one support person in the OR. You get to choose who that is, and you can choose not him. You need to choose whoever you need to keep you calm, because you will be awake for this surgery. You don't want to panic and move at an inopportune time.

2: You will be in the OR for an hour after birth getting closed up. Check with your OB, but chances are that hospital policy will be that baby stays in the OR with you. They'll be monitoring baby during that hour to make sure they're strong and healthy. They aren't going to want baby going down the hall to the waiting room. And most hospitals have a lot of security around newborns and where they can go and why.

3: From the OR you'll go to a post-op recovery room. You'll still have a bunch of meds in your system, and they'll still be monitoring you for blood loss. If you're breastfeeding, this is where your first nurse will take place, and this will likely be where you can hold your baby for the first time. If baby isn't doing well, they'll be in either the NICU or the nursery, neither of which is a place for Grandma. And the post-op is also not a place for a parade of visitors.

4: Two to three hours after birth, you'll finally get moved to the maternity ward. This is when visitors start to become possible. But I can tell you from experience, you are likely going to be very uncomfortable and very tired. Baby is also going to be alternating between starving and exhausted.

Take your husband to your next appointment and have your OB lay all this out. Maybe they can impress on him that this isn't a wall in the park his mother is trying to invite herself along for.

 

[blueb7]

@luis729 You know what might also help here, take your husband to the hospitals birth class. The info in the post above is legit- they won’t even be able to see baby for a bit anyway. Better to wait, maybe husband doesn’t realize how big of a surgery it is. In our birth class they actual showed how the surgery goes and my husband was like holy shit.

 

[chronoswirl]

@cbmiller Her wishes don't trump yours. Of course it's ok not to want any visitors right after the birth.

MIL can wait until she gets a call that she can visit. And this only happens when you're both ready for it.

 

[haria]

@cbmiller It is all about you, and you are more than justified to maintain this boundary, which is completely understandable by the way. Birth is not a spectator sport and you and your baby aren't here to appease the masses. You and your baby have made it this far together, alone, and you will end this journey of pregnancy together, alone. You asking for this respect is not unreasonable, they are capable of being patient until you are ready. I've got 4 little ones, do not be afraid to advocate for yourself every step of the way and thereafter. You are not wrong, you know what is best for you and you always will. Boundaries are not selfish, those who cannot respect them and expect you to drop them are.