VENT I was just a bitch to my 16 year old daughter.

[jfp75]

I feel justified, but why do I also feel guilty for acting like such a bitch to her, when she…

…did not give me a time she wanted me to drive her to her boyfriend’s house, but then woke me up from a nap at 6:41 insisting she said 6:30.
…rushed the hell out of me while I was trying to wake up/use the bathroom/get out of the house to give her said ride.
…ignored me all day and gave me attitude whenever I tried to interact.
…wasted a cheesesteak when I specifically said to make sure she put it in the fridge. One I drove out of my way to buy because she specifically asked for it.
…left the combination open for the outdoor key box after being told to make sure she spins the numbers so it locks.
…gave up her only shift at work when she owes me money.



Editing to add: These themes of disrespect and ignoring instructions, plus not doing chores while expecting anything she wants, have been ongoing. There’s only so much one can remind and ask and instruct without being listened to that one can take.

 

[strivingforgod]

@jfp75 You’re only human and everyone gets frustrated sometimes. Plus, sometimes THOSE moments of frustration are what’s needed to make the lesson stick/change the negative behavior.

I remember a few key moments similar from my teen years where my parents said something out of frustration and can appreciate them now (as an adult & parent) because they molded me for the better.

Life’s a bitch sometimes and everyone needs to learn that at some point. You’re still doing a good job because you care about how your behavior affects your child- that alone speaks volumes!

 

[justmargie]

@jfp75 Although perhaps not an ideal thing you did, but a totally normal thing. Sounds like you had a pile of things she has done wrong in the past and it just kept piling up, without any release, and yesterday was the final straw for you before you blew up. Teenagers for the most part, are self-centered, and do not have the mental capacity to understand how their actions have a detrimental effects. It's hard. That's why this subreddit has over 10K members!

 

[jfp75]

@justmargie It’s definitely been piling up. Not just today, but today was alot at once. I’ve tried talking to her about her carelessness and the not listening till I was about blue in the face. It’s like anything I say is just completely ignored. I’m so over it.

 

[justmargie]

@jfp75 I understand. And it seems that they are ignoring it. But what I realize is that they aren’t ignoring it; they are just not acknowledging it, and reacting in a way we want. It’s amusing when my kids would recount a memory or recite what I’ve said/did in the past, when I was sure as hell thought they didn’t even pay attention or ignored. It’s true they soak up information like sponges. They just are too immature to process it in the way we want them to. It took me 35years to appreciate some of the stuff my parents did

 

[sonofzion]

@justmargie Same.. my folks always made me eat healthy like them and exercise which I rebelled against as soon as I moved out. Now that I’m in my mid 30’s everything has shifted and it feels totally intuitive to eat healthy and exercise.

 

[pathofwarriors]

@jfp75 My daughter is 14. We tend to do a lot for her and put her feelings above ours. Then we are somehow shocked when she acts in accordance to that.

I then straighten back up and remind us both who I am. I never hit and rarely raise my voice but I do enough to get her to understand it. Bc that’s human. The idea that my daughter is to be raised to treat ANYONE (including I or my husband) with disrespect (especially constantly) without the realization that others exist as people as well? Well, I wouldn’t be doing my job. My job is to lead and if we are constantly being submissive then who can she look to to lead?

And teens are especially hard bc they now NEED to break down their dependence on us but doing so does not need to be toxic.

 

[christianchurches]

@jfp75 What did you say exactly?

 

[jfp75]

@christianchurches I wasn’t like mean to her, but I said a lot. Chewed her out for much of what was mentioned. I can’t recount everything that was said, because I let loose for almost the entirety of the 20 minute drive to the boyfriend’s.

 

[laylamendiola]

@jfp75 Honestly you're better than me. I would have plopped down on the couch and started channel surfing or filing my nails. Like...nope. Mama don't play that game. The hardest part is staying calm while they're freaking out. I think what you did was just find and completely justified.

 

[jfp75]

@laylamendiola The only reason she was still allowed to go to the boyfriend’s was because I needed the break from her bull shit. Though there was even aggravation while she was gone. My boyfriend and I had to clean so much out of my car. When she uses it, there winds up being trash, food, and junk left behind. No respect and she takes advantage of having access to my car.

Earlier this week, she told me she was going to Target. I figured gone for an hour. She also went to Kohls and Chic Fil A, being gone for over 4 hours! Meanwhile, I had asked her if we could hang out that evening since we don’t get much time together. So not only was I pissed, but disappointed and hurt too.

Needless to say, she’s currently grounded from personal use of the car. She can drive to school bc it helps me and I allowed her to drive to a job interview today. She was very disappointed I didn’t let her take it to boyfriend’s tonight, even though I had no plans to use it.

 

[sadmd]

@jfp75 Oh no! Nooooo. She's disappointed? Horrible. (From a mom with a 17-year-old daughter.)

 

[laylamendiola]

@jfp75 Well today was my turn. Hope you're having a better day than this was.

 

[richardsonne]

@jfp75 Ok, so this is definitely not the place to find support, only judgments. Bummer. Stay strong Mama and know you're not alone it's just that not everyone can handle the negative comments so we're quiet. You are not alone I hear you. Sending you light ️

 

[jfp75]

@richardsonne Thank you thankfully some of these comments have been positive and supportive. Those who aren’t dont know the whole story leading up to this. They also must be the most perfect patient parents who manage to raise perfect angels who do no wrong to me, a lot of these judgements are proof of the reason we have entitled brats who grow up to be ignorant adults. This may be standard teenage behavior, but that doesn’t mean I have to stand for it. Smh.

 

[vonhelton]

@jfp75 Omg this is my life. Like literally my daughter exactly - down to just giving shifts away and owes money. And I hate that we can’t seem to just bitch about it. I tried once on here and got eaten alive, even though I thought this was a forum to support parents. We all go through this kind of shit idk why people pretend they don’t get mad MESSAGE ME ANY TIME TO BITCH

 

[jfp75]

@vonhelton Right! Like, I said that I feel guilty, but damn I’m human. God forbid I let my daughter know that I’m angry due to her behavior it’s not like she was just sitting there all innocently and I raged on her. Her actions (and lack of) caused it and she needed to be made aware. I definitely feel justified in my reaction, whether those perfect parents want to validate that or not. I’m happy to know there are others out there struggling along with me. Not that I’m happy you struggle lol it is just nice to know other parents deal with the same shit.

 

[vonhelton]

@jfp75 Hahaha it’s always “that’s just teenagers”. Ok well maybe that’s what makes you feel better and excuse the behavior, but not me. If you want ur kid to be an ungrateful asshole go for it but I don’t. Im raising an almost adult to behave LIKE AN ADULT, im not raising a child to behave like a child. So I don’t accept the “oh that’s just teenagers”. Thanks though perfect parents. Perhaps that’s why so many teens are actual assholes out in the world mine just makes me insane at home so far bc she’s so inconsiderate and has no common sense. But she’s such a good kid. But I swear you are either born with common sense or not hahaha and I can’t wrap my brain around it

 

[vonhelton]

@jfp75 Also just for giggles- the cheesesteak would have sent me. FOOD IS EXPENSIVE TAKE IT TO THE FRIDGE OKAY.

 

[jfp75]

@vonhelton It was a $16 sandwich!!! I don’t care if you don’t eat the leftovers…I will!!