Update: is it inappropriate for a 17 year old girl to be friends with a 27 year old man?

[10wawa10]

Well, I made a post the other day asking if it was appropriate for me (17f) to be friends with my coworker (27m) and he’s really professional and good and stuff around me and I think I embarrassed myself today.

I decided to ask if we could see a movie together and he stopped and asked if my parents would be ok with that. I said I didn’t know and he said that was a conversation we’d have to involve my parents and his fiancee in because he didn’t mind talking with me when we were working (and actually enjoys it) but when it comes to outside of work, there’s still the age difference and “all parties should feel ok with it.” I just said “ok” and we moved on. But he did say he felt flattered I enjoyed talking to him so much he wanted to talk with me outside of work.

I just feel really stupid. As I said in my other post I’m autistic and don’t handle rejection well and I wish I never asked and hope he doesn’t think less of me now. But whatever.

I guess that’s a good sign though.

 

[bart1989]

@10wawa10 It is nice and mature of him to have concerns this way, although I suppose asking how your parents think, it might feel funny for you since you are nearly young adult, but he is correct to be aware of the age difference and such and how it matters to other people.

I hope you can be work friends still

 

[thelordbringsjustice]

@10wawa10 I know you are probably feeling embarrassed, but his response was EXACTLY the thing we want from adult men interacting with teenagers. He recognized that the age gap was weird, was kind about it, and was willing to consider being your (platonic) movie buddy if your parents felt he was a safe friend and his fiancee wasn't bothered. I think this was an acceptable and actually kinda wholesome exchange.

 

[katrina2017]

@thelordbringsjustice Agree. He handled it beautifully. No angst. Just appropriate behaviour.

 

[crystalhello]

@katrina2017 OP handled it well too. It’s important he able to ask questions, and mature to accept a request being declined.

 

[10wawa10]

@thelordbringsjustice A little update, at the end of the day he came up to me and I think he saw our interaction took the wind out of my sails because he told me he hoped he didn’t upset me during our interaction earlier and he couldn’t wait to hear what I thought of the movie I was seeing on my day off tomorrow when we next see each other. I asked if he was upset with me and he said “absolutely not!” and said he was sorry if he gave me the impression he was offended or unhappy I asked him and that there’s (usually) no harm in asking.

Do you think it would be ok if I asked my parents if I could see a movie with him or should I just leave well enough alone?

 

[cheeseburgers]

@10wawa10 Leave it alone. You don't want to make him uncomfortable, especially when he was nice about the response.

 

[10wawa10]

@cheeseburgers But he said if all parties were ok with it

 

[cheeseburgers]

@10wawa10 You also said "he couldn’t wait to hear what I thought of the movie I was seeing on my day off tomorrow when we next see each other." I'm assuming the next time would be at work.

 

[10wawa10]

@cheeseburgers Yes

 

[cheeseburgers]

@10wawa10 Ok, so wait till work then.

 

[10wawa10]

@cheeseburgers I guess so.

It sucks when you finally make a friend and they’re 10 years older than you and a coworker

 

[cheeseburgers]

@10wawa10 It does but trust me and other's here telling you the same thing. You'll make other friends OP.

 

[10wawa10]

@cheeseburgers I haven’t made a friend in a very long time. No one at my school likes movies like I do and I can’t connect to other people without that because of my stupid fucking diagnosis. People at school seem to be more interested in either ignoring me or giggling at me. I’ve been going to the movies by myself for the past year (except for the occasional movie my dad joins me for) and I have never had a boyfriend.

I know it sounds like me being overdramatic but people don’t seem to understand just how effing hard it is to make friends or find people with similar interests.

 

[cyzy]

@10wawa10 No need to feel stupid or embarrassed. You asked a perfectly reasonable (from your perspective) question, and he responded with a very appropriate response from his perspective. That is, from the perspective of an adult who is more mature than you, and understands things that you don't.

Win-win!

 

[pleaseprayformeplz]

@10wawa10 I don't think they intended to be condescending.

I didn't take it that way at all, personally.

27 year olds DO have way more life experience than 17 year olds.

The same thing is true for 27 and 37, etc etc etc.

I'm 45 nowadays, and I know infinitely more now than I did at 17.

We live and we learn, and that's just the nature of life, aging, and maturing.

The guy in your story absolutely did the right thing and was very mature about it. It's exactly what he should have said!

Cheers.

 

[10wawa10]

@pleaseprayformeplz Oh I thought the commenter was saying they had more experience than me.

Sorry…I misinterpreted that

 

[moosey]

@10wawa10 he does have more experience than you, as an adult in their 20s at least

 

[nunpui]

@10wawa10 He didn't reject you tho. He just said he (rightfully so) would want the consent from your parents and his fiance first. Did you not want his fiancee or your parents to know? He is being a responsible and respectful adult, and a caring partner. Sounds like a great guy tbh

Maybe his fiancee can join you guys? Would you be okay with that?

 

[10wawa10]

@nunpui To answer your last question, eh I guess. She’s been really nice to me every time she comes in (I mean, she let me hold her baby!!) but sometimes you just wanna hang out with your friend one on one, you know?