mamabear777
New member
Hi all. I made a post about three weeks ago about how much I hated the mornings when I commute. It wasn’t the most popular post but I got such good advice from you all and I can’t believe how much things have changed in such a short time. I remember writing that post feeling like my nerves were completely shot and I was defeated, and I now sit on my train feeling like a sane, supported woman. So I figured I’d write an update on what changed.
(Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/s/w6HPZTCopq).
First: I talked to my husband. You all told me he needed to step up and I was a little resistant because we’ve come so far as a couple and through therapy and yada yada. But you were right. I think I had gone so far into therapy territory that I tried not to address it in the moment when I felt angry and heated but instead discuss it at a neutral time away from the heat of the moment. Generally speaking these are good tactics but I just woke up one morning and knew I hadn’t prepped lunches and really didn’t want to get up at 5am when he could just do it and I could sleep later if I didn’t have to worry about everything. So I just turned to him and said “I didn’t make lunches. Can you just do it and be in charge of getting them ready today?” And guess what? He said sure, and did it.
Second: Star chart FTW! This was not a suggestion from this sub but it’s a game changer. My kids were fighting every step of the getting ready process. However, my oldest responds well to bribery and this has been a happy upgrade from swinging between a battle of toddler wills (you’ll never win, ladies) and desperate bribery. She’s now an active participant in getting ready and looks forward to picking her prize every week. She’s in pre-k, so it’s great she’s taking this responsibility for herself. And tho my youngest doesn’t quite understand the chart, she copies everything the oldest does. (My oldest never used to give us a hard time about getting ready until recently, but I’d start this even earlier than pre-k if needed, tbh).
Third: I did my equivalent of “just leave”. Another big suggestion from you all was to just leave for work and let my husband get the kids out on his own. I couldn’t exactly do this, because we only have one car and he drives us all. However, I decided to let us go at his pace instead of taking on the roll of timekeeper. I had a bit of an anomaly in my schedule that let me take the later train, so I missed my train. Turns out he prefers to get us out early so he can exercise before work. Now that he knows that ’ll go in later and it’s on him if he wants his time, he’s more aware.
Fourth and final: another piece of advice from you all. I chilled out a little. Missing my train made me realize taking the next train now and again is not that big of a deal. I can work on the train and as long as I don’t have an early meeting, I can find ways to make up that time as long as it’s the exception not the rule. And I realized that I was bugging out about needing to be at the train 5-10 min early. It may be my preference but I’m still making my train and in return I get more peace from the family which is a good trade off. I also no longer give a shit if I leave the house with beds unmade and dishes in the sink. We’re functioning and that’s what matters.
So in summary, I basically stopped acting like the world would fall apart if I didn’t do everything and put more responsibility on my husband and kid and now everyone is happier.
Thanks, Moms!
(Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/s/w6HPZTCopq).
First: I talked to my husband. You all told me he needed to step up and I was a little resistant because we’ve come so far as a couple and through therapy and yada yada. But you were right. I think I had gone so far into therapy territory that I tried not to address it in the moment when I felt angry and heated but instead discuss it at a neutral time away from the heat of the moment. Generally speaking these are good tactics but I just woke up one morning and knew I hadn’t prepped lunches and really didn’t want to get up at 5am when he could just do it and I could sleep later if I didn’t have to worry about everything. So I just turned to him and said “I didn’t make lunches. Can you just do it and be in charge of getting them ready today?” And guess what? He said sure, and did it.
Second: Star chart FTW! This was not a suggestion from this sub but it’s a game changer. My kids were fighting every step of the getting ready process. However, my oldest responds well to bribery and this has been a happy upgrade from swinging between a battle of toddler wills (you’ll never win, ladies) and desperate bribery. She’s now an active participant in getting ready and looks forward to picking her prize every week. She’s in pre-k, so it’s great she’s taking this responsibility for herself. And tho my youngest doesn’t quite understand the chart, she copies everything the oldest does. (My oldest never used to give us a hard time about getting ready until recently, but I’d start this even earlier than pre-k if needed, tbh).
Third: I did my equivalent of “just leave”. Another big suggestion from you all was to just leave for work and let my husband get the kids out on his own. I couldn’t exactly do this, because we only have one car and he drives us all. However, I decided to let us go at his pace instead of taking on the roll of timekeeper. I had a bit of an anomaly in my schedule that let me take the later train, so I missed my train. Turns out he prefers to get us out early so he can exercise before work. Now that he knows that ’ll go in later and it’s on him if he wants his time, he’s more aware.
Fourth and final: another piece of advice from you all. I chilled out a little. Missing my train made me realize taking the next train now and again is not that big of a deal. I can work on the train and as long as I don’t have an early meeting, I can find ways to make up that time as long as it’s the exception not the rule. And I realized that I was bugging out about needing to be at the train 5-10 min early. It may be my preference but I’m still making my train and in return I get more peace from the family which is a good trade off. I also no longer give a shit if I leave the house with beds unmade and dishes in the sink. We’re functioning and that’s what matters.
So in summary, I basically stopped acting like the world would fall apart if I didn’t do everything and put more responsibility on my husband and kid and now everyone is happier.
Thanks, Moms!
)!
️