Toddler throwing a tantrum because I cut his pb&j. Do I make a new one or stick to my guns?

[caroline01]

@rae29 A lot of other comments are saying this, but a good rule of thumb is to provide emotional support as kiddo works through his feelings, but NOT give into whatever ridiculous demand caused them. So- give hugs, acknowledge the frustration, promise to cut tomorrow’s sandwich in whatever way he wants. When his body has calmed down, he can eat this sandwich if his tummy is hungry.

The emotions are real and intense for toddlers, so it’s a good time to model calmness as a parent.

 

[bcs90]

@rae29 Naw. Be kind and acknowledge it. But instead of a sandwich he’s having life lesson for lunch

 

[katrina2017]

@bcs90 This analogy is 10/10. My kid had a life lesson for dinner tonight lololol.

 

[neilgram]

@katrina2017 Life lessons are my toddlers favorite dinner entree lmao

 

[rae29]

@bcs90 Haha love it

 

[jack1998]

@rae29 We have a similar-ish issue when my girls complain their crackers are broken. We’ve stuck to the ‘you eat a broken cracker or nothing’ otherwise the food waste is horrendous! Tbh depending on age, I’d give them a blunt knife and ‘help’ them cut it a shape they like. Often that distracts from the original problem

 

[theokritos]

@rae29 I don't waste food because food is in a slightly different shape than child wants. He can eat it or not but that's what lunch is.

I do try to ask child before I cut up whatever or ask what they want on it or a reasonable requests. But when I cut off the bruised banana so the remaining part was no longer round, no he didn't get a new banana. He did eventually eat the original banana

 

[teq]

@rae29 I once half-assed a solution by holding the cut pieces together in my hand… it worked.

 

[rae29]

@teq Hahaha I once put a banana back together by sticking a veggie straw in it. Banana version of Weekend at Bernie's

 

[beardeddarnell]

@teq Done this many times lol

 

[raisingarrowsmama]

@rae29 Serve it. He can eat it or not. I’d want my child to figure it out so he’s not doing this in public/at school/birthday parties. In my experience, if they’re hungry, they’ll eat it. Half the time, kids will ask for a blue plate and tantrum when the plate isn’t red. I don’t play those games.

 

[patorianus]

@raisingarrowsmama Agreed. I don’t want my kid to be the little shit that other people have to cater to. I cut all of his food for choking reasons, but if he wanted it whole for whatever reason, tough. This isn’t a democracy. I give him two options most of the time for things, but if he holds out and doesn’t choose between, I make the decision then also.

 

[anthonyprite]

@patorianus You have every right to parent how you would like, but it might be prudent for you to keep this to yourself. Please be aware that not all children are “little shits” if they have aversions or sensory issues. It’s not always obvious to the outside world what a child is struggling with, and how much of it is nature or nurture. There are a lot of reasons a child might refuse to eat that have nothing to do with parenting choices or lack there of.

Source: degree in special education, 4 years as a behavioral therapist, twin has autism, worked in respite care for years for people with disabilities

 

[patorianus]

@anthonyprite While this might be true, sometimes is just is because a kid is a little shit. Source: I too went through a MAT program and not every child I taught needed an IEP. Sometimes they needed structure.

 

[relaxbuddy]

@anthonyprite True kids can have issues BUT if your kid is having tantrums in public because his sandwich was cut in half, the truth is that the general public is going to just think you didn’t raise your kid right. Because that is what it appears to be.

 

[cadie]

@rae29 In these situations I usually say something like “I’m sorry they aren’t cut how you want! I can’t make you a new one but you don’t have to eat it” and then hold firm. Usually they end up eating it (if they were actually hungry to begin with lol)

I’m not making a new one and wasting food. But next time I’ll ask how they want it cut and recognize that it’s a big deal for them now.

 

[luvels]

@rae29 I acknowledge by apologising for not asking and saying I understand their disappointment. Saying is up to them if they still want to eat it or not, and that next time we have the same thing, it can be uncut.

 

[katrina2017]

@rae29 The way I approach situations like this is first I tell myself that they are humans first before they are children, and humans are allowed preferences. However, a wonderful life lesson for this scenario is to validate their feelings of disappointment, but also make them understand that life isn’t always altered to your preferences, especially when you didn’t communicate them beforehand.

Thus, I would absolutely not be making another one for that exact reason. Now what I will do is give the kid a choice, and say “ I will not make you another one because I was not aware of your preference in advance, but it is your choice if you want to eat it this way, or stay hungry, and I will respect that choice”. Obviously you can phrase it in kid friendly language, I just personally don’t. My kids eat what we eat and they use the same words we use so I don’t mind talking to them in a very matter of fact tone from a very young age, but I know it is a huge no no for alot of parents in American.

 

[lordsoldier7]

@rae29 Eh. If it were me I would eat the cut one and make him a new one, and from now on ask in advance if he wants in whole or cut. Lol. And once they decide, there's no remaking.

 

[reginashea]

@lordsoldier7 This is me too, but I’m a nana, it’s ok for me to give in