Tired

[karubin]

I just need to vent…

My partner and I are first time parents. I quit my job to stay at home w our baby bc that was best for our situation. I appreciate my partner for working so I can stay home however I feel like I’m doing this parenting thing on my own. I was someone who loved sleeping, I’m talking I would sleep 8-10hrs a night, now I barely get 4hrs on a good night. I know this is how the newborn stage is but it’d be nice if my partner stepped up to help w the baby at night.
He does watch the baby so I can go for a walk when I want to but he won’t change his diaper, he won’t bathe him, and when it comes to night time he won’t get up at all. I’m seeing a therapist for my postpartum depression and being sleep deprived has made me so much worse, mentally. I’ve told my partner I need help at night on weekends at least bc I don’t bother him at all during the weekday and he said he’d help. It’s Friday and I told him was he gonna help tonight, baby boy has been fussy, and he said Friday doesn’t count as the weekend and hes tired from work. He said it half jokingly but he hasn’t gotten up at all and I had a full breakdown bc baby has been crying so much. I finally was able to put him sleep, hence why I’m writing this at 5 in the morning, I just wish I got a little bit more help so I don’t feel like I’m going crazy

Edit: thank you to everyone who showed concern. I had a serious talk w him about my mental state and had him do one night of waking up w the baby while I slept and I think he finally understood how challenging it can be. He still won’t change his diaper but we’re working on it lol and nights have been definitely better since baby sleeps around 5/6 hrs now!

 

[masambu]

@karubin I think I'd be dumping the baby on him and leaving for a break. It's absolutely not ok for him to tap out. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Being a SAHP means to look after the baby while he is at work. When he's home you parent 50/50.

 

[fawnmeadow]

@karubin He is not a partner… You’re also tired from work. You both have a job, but you don’t get breaks at yours. When he is home, it should be 50/50. His attitude needs to change quick.

I was very clear to my husband before we had a kid. I told him I expected an equal partner and if he wasn’t able to give that, we shouldn’t have a kid because I would leave him (and I wasn’t bluffing-I deserve an equal partner). I honestly don’t think I needed to express that expectation and believe he would be a good partner anyway, but I wanted to be sure.

 

[destinyhope13]

@karubin going through the same
totally understand xoxo

 

[hweetan]

@karubin Lol. He should be waking up at nights. You're going crazy because the realization of how immature your husband is. You're not depressed, you're being pushed to the max with a lot of responsibilities. Have a conversation with the dummy because you're working yourself to resenting him.

 

[horsebox]

@karubin Can your husband do the first feeding of the morning? My partner works full time and I want him to get some sleep but I also need to sleep too, so he does the early morning feeding (5 or 6am). That way I can get one 4-5 stretch of sleep (if I’m lucky), and he can sleep through the night and just start his day early. Or he could do the last feeding of the night and then sleep through until morning? Then you could sleep early in the night? I don’t really give my partner a choice- he will do one feeding while I sleep and that’s how it is. It sounds like you’re being very nice and accommodating but him not doing anything for his child is absolutely unacceptable. No one person can do this on their own.

 

[vikingfan]

@karubin Just here to say I’m in the same boat and it’s rough.

 

[karubin]

@vikingfan Yes I finally had a serious talk with him about how I was doing mentally and he’s helping more. Also helps that baby is now sleeping more thru the night