TDaP for grandparents?

[heavensdaughter]

Has anyone considered asking grandparents (or other visitors staying with you in the first couple months post birth) to get TDaP or flu shots? If so how did you communicate this with them and how did they take it?

Has anyone considered this and decided against it? If that’s the case what made you change your mind?

Not looking for medical advice just looking to see pros/cons of asking this of family and friends. Thank you!!

 

[asgb94]

@heavensdaughter With our first (January baby) we told everyone if they wanted to meet the baby within the first four months, they needed TDaP and flu shots. It ruffled some feathers but we decided not to care about adults around us having tantrums about us trying to protect our baby. With #2 (due Jan 2022), we will ask for TDaP (which everyone is current on), flu, and Covid vaccines.

We said “my OB and our future pediatrician have both said anyone who plans to be in contact with the baby needs to have these shots. You can get them at any Walgreens or CVS.” And with the one family member on my side who pushed back, I reminded her that ANY fever baby has within the first few months is an automatic hospital stay and potential spinal tap. I said “I don’t want to have to watch my newborn go through that because I decided not to be firm about the medical advice we were getting. If you feel strongly about not getting shots, we will make sure to see you as early as possible in the spring.” She ended up getting the shots.

RSV rates are starting to increase, and things aren’t looking great for flu or Covid in the next few months. For me, it’s a hard line I’m comfortable keeping. Adults can make the choice not to get a shot, but my baby cannot, and it’s my job to try my best to prevent them from catching an illness. That means making sure they’re protected by other people around them having their shots.

 

[indebted2him]

@asgb94 How did you enforce that? Like, did you ask for records or proof of some sort?

 

[asgb94]

@indebted2him I told them to keep the receipts because the hospital would ask for them if / when they came to visit the hospital. In my defense, a nurse did tell me they may ask to check visitor’s info since our first was born during Jan 2020, which was an awful flu / RSV season. Most of them ended up texting me a picture of them getting their shots and / or a picture of their receipts.

 

[heavensdaughter]

@asgb94 Yeah, I think that’s what I’m concerned about - I have a number of family members that are anti vaccinations (one is my mom who I anticipate will be devastated if I set this boundary). I’m pro-vaccines and so is my partner so for us it makes sense but we’re just worried about the social backlash. Most of our family didn’t get the COVID vaccine and my brother also wanted to visit with his two totally unvaccinated kids so I’m kind of anxious about all of these factors.

 

[zerokdegree]

@heavensdaughter My mother said, “I decided the flu shot is not for me.” So I said she was welcome to visit after flu season. It was a hard boundary to set, but I eventually made peace with the fact that SHE chose to not meet our baby. Then COVID happened, so they didn’t meet until our toddler was 17 months. I was incredibly disappointed, but I would choose disappointment over my baby’s health any day of the week.

ETA: I also made sure to tell her, and all invitees, that we respected their choice and their bodies. We did not do any crying, begging or guilt trips. I think that helped everyone because no one felt shamed.

 

[aiden92]

@zerokdegree My mom said she has never gotten the flu before and therefore doesn't need the flu shot. Some stuff makes no sense to me

 

[pallasraven]

@heavensdaughter It will be your mom’s choice to be devastated, not yours- you’re giving her the option to see baby or stay unvaccinated, and she is the one choosing to prioritize her vaccine stance over seeing her grandbaby. The consequences of their choices are their problem, not yours.

My FIL and his wife are not vaccinated and this mindset has helped me deal with that.

 

[asgb94]

@heavensdaughter There are lots of things you’ll do as a parent that will confuse or upset other people. It takes some time and practice to get used to it. But I think it is appropriate and worth it to have firm, reasonable health / safety boundaries. We have already told my husband’s family we will not be at thanksgiving or Christmas because I will be in third trimester and his niece and nephew will be in school and still not vaccinated.

And you’re not saying “we don’t want the baby to meet you.” You are saying “we want to keep our baby healthy when s/he meets you.” You are not making this choice, they are. They can decide whether meeting their grandchild is more important than their anti-vax stance or not.

 

[heavensdaughter]

@asgb94 I totally agree here and with rinabeana. It’s really tough but I know it’s what makes the most scientific sense, it’s what’s safest, and honestly what would make me most comfortable as a new parent. We’re worried they will take it as a personal attack (they have the tendency to do this in other situations) but I’m trying to remind myself that how they take it or how they react is their responsibility and I only have control over how I present the request to them.

 

[asgb94]

@heavensdaughter That is definitely really hard — my husband and I have made a few choices that have felt personal to family members when they’re not. We just continue to talk to them and send pictures as if they didn’t take it personally (because it wasn’t personal on our end) and eventually they get over it.

 

[katrina2017]

@heavensdaughter Ultimately you have to do what you feel is safest for your baby. You and your partner are the only defense the baby has so it’s up to you what that entails. If it means not seeing a group of people for a few months thats what has to happen, or you can take the risk and see what happens from there.

 

[makeitwork]

@asgb94 The problem with requiring TDaP is that the pertussis wears off pretty quickly, which is why pregnant women have to get the shot each pregnancy. So do you require everyone to get TDaP shots prior to every birth?

 

[asgb94]

@makeitwork The recommendation is to get a TDaP booster every 10 years for healthy adults, which is what we stick with. The reason pregnant women get the booster every time they’re pregnant is to pass the greatest number of antibodies possible to baby, not because the efficacy of the vaccine is that much lower just a couple years later.

 

[makeitwork]

@asgb94 The Pertussis part of the Tdap vaccine has good immunity for about 2 years, and then it wanes. Doesn’t mean it’s gone, it’s just not as good. The DTaP (children’s vaccine) is more effective, which is good because pertussis is most dangerous for babies. The current recommendation for the US is for pregnant women to get a Tdap every pregnancy and for adults to get one dose in their lifetime.

Source: cdc.gov

 

[asgb94]

@makeitwork Right, so the adults who are lower risk still have immunity after several years... This is how pretty much all vaccines work. It’s why boosters exist in the first place.

We stick with the CDC and our physicians’ recommendations on vaccinations, which is for adults who will be around our baby to get boosters if they haven’t had one in the last 10 years.

 

[makeitwork]

@asgb94 Yep. I’m sorry if you thought I was disagreeing with you - I wasn’t. I was just giving more info.

 

[seville90210]

@heavensdaughter I actually just sent my immediate family an email about this. There have been whooping cough outbreaks in my province in the last couple years because people have been lazy about getting boosters or not getting the shot at all. I actually got part of this template from someone else on Reddit! This is the email I sent:

Hi all,

Ahead of my due date, I wanted to just pop in and make sure everyone is up to date with their TDAP (tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis) vaccinations.

Pertussis (whooping cough) is a serious and sometimes deadly respiratory illness that infants under 6 months are especially susceptible to, and it's been having a resurgence in Alberta in the past few years because people aren't getting their vaccines or boosters. My midwife has recommended that anyone who plans on meeting the kiddo in the first 6 months should be up to date (This is good for you too!). If you've had a booster in the last 10 years, you're all set.

Baby will get some immunity from me receiving my booster during pregnancy, but the more protection the better! I know it's annoying to get all these shots but it's also amazing how well they work to keep everyone safe! Thanks guys

You can call Healthlink at 811 for info on how to book your shot.

 

[katrina2017]

@heavensdaughter My daughter is 16 months now, but we asked anyone who wanted to meet her in her first 2 months to be 100% vaccinated. Flu shots too, if applicable. It's not necessarily convenient but her health came above anyone's potential feelings and even though we got some pushback I took it as the first boundary hurdle that we would face as parents.

Of course then Covid hit 2 days after she was born so no one ended up meeting her for the first year of her life, but now we've extended our vaccine request to requiring Covid shots. Some have still refused and that's their choice, but it's our choice to let them see our daughter or not. No one is entitled time with your baby.

 

[montclairbill]

@heavensdaughter "hello, it is very important that you protect my newborn by getting the Tdap and flu shots. If you don't unfortunately you won't be able to see baby." Full stop. No exceptions. Other people's feelings aren't more important than my immunocompromised baby.