Talking to my 6 y.o

@goldenmindset side note…what about getting her a google or facebook screen that uses the same facetime concept except it follows you around the room? that way she can play while she’s talking to you and it can be interactive for her. my brother got one for my parents and thats how they interacted with their grandkids far away
 
@theshoeheaven I’ll look into it! We used to use regular messenger which was awesome because it has group filters, but her mom doesn’t want her using anything other than the messenger kids version now. Thanks for the idea!
 
@goldenmindset I just want to add that even if she doesn’t want to talk you’re building consistency with her and showing up. As she does get older this will be valuable and she will inherently know you’re always there for her to talk to. It’s the effort you put in now that will pay off as the years go by.
You don’t need to look at each individual call as a success or failure. The overall benefits are in you just showing up and her seeing that as she begins to think more deeply about the relationship you guys have.

Good luck !
 
@goldenmindset I have been working for a year to do away with scheduled FaceTime calls with my son (8). Of course I would love to see his face everyday, but he finds the calls disruptive and forced, and so do I. Like you mentioned, he is usually distracted when I call, and I’m left feeling underwhelmed.

My feeling is whatever is in the best interests of the child. If the child is complaining about them and not engaged, then certainly their voice should be heard.

My “coparent” is absolutely impossible to work with, and refuses to entertain any alternative solution.
 
@flowerinthefield I’m sorry to hear you’re going through it too. It’s tough to deal with the situation when the co-parent is difficult.

You’re not alone in the feeling in both being underwhelmed and frustrated by the ex. It can have an effect on my mental health on days where it feels like I’m unable to be an involved parent. However, we’ll have to carry on and keep fighting the good fight for our kids.
 
I appreciate all of your inputs. There’s definitely some good ideas, but most of all I appreciate the support from those of you who have been in my shoes. It makes me less alone and powerless in the situation.
 
@goldenmindset At that age, my daughter even brought me to the toilet during our calls. 6-year-old is a difficult age to concentrate on a phone call, even concentrating on a real conversation is difficult.
I always let her do her thing while talking with her, that way she didn't have to concentrate on the call and while playing she told me about her day/week.
 
@goldenmindset It’s not personal. The stepkids have struggled with attention span on FT between the ages of 2 and 8. I’ve seen it myself and with grandparents, the other parent, AND their friends/cousins. They started to get slightly better at 7/8.

It’s simply not a substitute for 1:1 time. Especially because development-wise every year is SO formative right now. If you weren’t there for at least some of those recent formative memories you seem so.. last year? It sounds harsh, but the kids literally become different people every year. I’m not shaming you about being long distance (it sounds like that’s the case based on the phrasing you used). I know situations get complicated and we don’t know the whole story. But there’s a reason most parenting plans are 3/4 or 2/2/5/5 at the younger ages. Kids have an easier time as they get older having more time between in person contact, but usually it’s still week/on week/off if you can help it. Or some sort of visitation in a more complicated case. My nephew’s dad lives 7 hours away at your kid’s age and sees him 2+ weekends/month. They’re basically fishing buddies.

If it’s feasible for you to come and visit every other week or even once monthly that would really help things. You could plan things with your kid. That keeps them more engaged. Plan the perfect day. This park they want to show you, happy meal lunch, the occasional surprise like a Groupon water park/theme park pass. Maybe you can get a long weekend off and volunteer in their classroom on a Monday or Friday.
 
@dennisbon I wish I could visit that often. I’m about 4 states away. I have 7 weeks in the summer, a fall holiday break, and every other spring break. That time pretty much uses all of my time off from work.

Hopefully, in the future, our locations will line up. My ex’s current job moves around a lot and so does mine!
 
@goldenmindset Oh my goodness, that must be so difficult! Are you both military by chance? I hated when my parents lived an hour apart. Right now I get annoyed that my kid’s school commute is 40 minutes round trip 😅 I’m sure you both have your reasons.
 
@dennisbon Yeah, I’m military and her spouse is military. So, everything has to ebb and flow with that. I’ll retire when she is a teenager so hopefully there will be an opportunity to be close when comes up to college decisions if all else fails!
 
@goldenmindset Yikes, that’s tough. So she’s not even moving for her job, she’s following her new spouse?

Who knows, maybe you’ll both get to set down roots for a bit. I’ve known military recruiters who stayed in one location for their last 15 years.
 
@goldenmindset We got a lot of duplicate toys and books for both houses, so when she's doing a video call with the other parent then we can play with/read the same thing.

We also will do video swaps instead of calls; quicker messages so they don't lose their attention but it still helps foster those points of connection.
 
@goldenmindset I'm in the same boat and tbh, there's not much you can do to keep the attention of small children. Mine were 3 and 1 when I started facetiming (on android so Google Meet) them and their mom would only let me talk to them once per week while they were eating breakfast. I could barely keep their attention bc they were usually distracted by asking mom for more Cheerios or blueberries or whatever.

I try to ask them if they're having a good day, what they're eating and if it's good, then ask them what colors the food was or how many pieces they had they had. When that ran its course after a few minutes, I would grab some toys to play with so they could watch, then usually finish up with special effects filters - turning my head into a cat or strawberry, or put on a filter hat or something. I ask them to tell me what I am and what color, what sounds the special effects characters make, etc.

About 20 minutes was all I could get out of them before my oldest finished eating and wanted to go play with toys and he'd disappear.

I finally got split custody 50/50 and I try to let their mom FaceTime them when I have them. They're 4 and 2 now. I put them in a room and they play hide and seek with mom and show her their toys and she tries to ask them about their day and my oldest will say what he was doing just prior to the call. If I don't keep them company then the call would realistically last 5-10 minutes, but they usually need help with something or want me to play with them so the calls last about 30-45 minutes before she decides it's time to hang up.

I guess the point is it helps when the other parent facilitates the interaction. If not, learn about child development and where a 6 yr old should be and try to meet in the middle doing what you can for as long as you can.

It may seem pointless now, but the intention is what counts and the fact that you made an effort bc at least you can say you tried. If you give up, you can't say you tried. If you keep it up, even for a few minutes at a time, then you'll be glad you did. I think of it like saving your treasure 1 dime at a time. 1 dime feels worthless now, but add a dime each time and they'll add up and be worth the effort later.
 
@drew86 This was great for inspiration and support. I’m happy to hear you have split custody now and can spend much more time with your kids!

The hide seek on the tablet is always so funny. Thank you for adding your story and giving me some power to continue on!
 
@goldenmindset I’m in a similar situation, and FaceTime several times a week with my five year old. It can be discouraging when they’re distracted, but like others have said they’re easily distracted at that age. Since you FaceTime you could try sharing your screen and watch some YouTube videos about a fun subject and talk about it afterwards. I’ve found success with this. Don’t let it get you down, your kid loves you and you clearly love your kid.
 
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