After sitting on the fence for several years, my husband and I decided to go for baby #3. We have 2 boys, ages 5 and 7 (almost 8). We now have a baby girl, due in early July. I’ll be 38 by the time she arrives. Im tired but it’s been a blessedly uneventful pregnancy so far, physically anyway. When I first found out we had conceived I was delighted….but comments from people (ie “I can’t imagine being pregnant at that age!!!! I had all 4 of my kids by the time I was 27!!!!” From a mom my age at church last week) and online searches turned my pregnancy into miserable months of anxiety and dread. People seem to think a 5 year age gap, and delivering at age 38, is so shocking/pitiful?? Here I was thinking that 35+ pregnancy was on the rise and families come in all shapes and sizes. We’re in the Midwest but in a HCOL area where early 30s pregnancies are very common but it’s also the Bible belt. I guess I didn’t realize I had fallen so outside the “norm”. Not sure what I’m looking for with this post, but I’ve found some comfort in posts on here from moms in similar shoes. Will I feel less awkward once she’s born??? Do you eventually recover from pregnancy shame??? Am I so crazy that I expect to be happy about having a kid still at home in my mid 50s??? (What is so superior about having an empty nest at a young age? I like having my kids around… and teenagers can actually be awesome!) I didn’t feel so out of place when pregnant with my boys. I feel embarrassed and scared. I was hoping to enjoy it and I’ve felt only the opposite. I guess I just felt like venting and seeing if anyone has been here too.
Struggling
- Thread starter sharleeg
- Start date
@harmony48 I think I need to move!!! Haha. Thanks for this perspective. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 29 so being a “young mom” was never going to be my reality anyway. I’ve never even noticed other moms ages so it’s bizarre I am fixated on it t now!! I’m hoping it’s hormonal!!
@sharleeg Same! I met my partner at 33, tried to have my first kid at 35 but instead encountered years of infertility. Now I’m 41 and have 2 healthy kiddos. One at 38 & one at 40!
And yes, it’s definitely much easier when you’re surrounded by a like community — but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong! Maybe older than some people around you, but way younger than a lot of folks here
And yes, it’s definitely much easier when you’re surrounded by a like community — but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong! Maybe older than some people around you, but way younger than a lot of folks here
@harmony48 Me too!! I went to college in a rural area of the Midwest and most of my college friends have teens/tweens by now..I moved back to the east coast where I'm from and everybody is having babies between 34-early 40s!
@harmony48 I live in Europe and it's same here.
It's good to be happy with how you did things but parents come in many ages and it's not bad to have them in your 20s either, and it's shitty to imply that just to reinforce that you did the right thing doing it older.
I'm in my late 30s hoping to have more And I'm a fine age to have kids but if I did it 10 or more years ago I'd have figured it out too. I'd be a different person and my kids would be different too. It takes all kinds of people to make the world, and maybe I'd have been a less sensible but more adventurous, less cranky but more irresponsible, less confident but more energetic mother if I was younger.
Lots of teen parents do a phenomenal job and just because a few judgey younger moms make an older mother feel bad doesn't mean we should retaliate by saying young is bad. We're supposed to be older and wiser wink wink.
It's good to be happy with how you did things but parents come in many ages and it's not bad to have them in your 20s either, and it's shitty to imply that just to reinforce that you did the right thing doing it older.
I'm in my late 30s hoping to have more And I'm a fine age to have kids but if I did it 10 or more years ago I'd have figured it out too. I'd be a different person and my kids would be different too. It takes all kinds of people to make the world, and maybe I'd have been a less sensible but more adventurous, less cranky but more irresponsible, less confident but more energetic mother if I was younger.
Lots of teen parents do a phenomenal job and just because a few judgey younger moms make an older mother feel bad doesn't mean we should retaliate by saying young is bad. We're supposed to be older and wiser wink wink.
@cz1611 Oh I’m sorry you interpreted my comment that way, it’s not at all what I meant. Many of us are very familiar with the benefits of having kids young — they’re shoved down our collective throats (less energy, declining fertility, getting sandwiched between caring for aging parents and young children) and OP listed a few others. It’s just important to keep in mind that benefits also exist for older families (more life experience, wisdom, intentionality, and maybe a longer life span).
And definitely, many teens do very well by their kids, I just would not have been one of them, which is why I said “personally”.
And definitely, many teens do very well by their kids, I just would not have been one of them, which is why I said “personally”.
@sharleeg First of all, don't mind what other folks say, they are not raising yer kids, or paying yer bills, so until they do, their opinions should be met with a "oh cool... thanks for sharing..." and that's it!!!
All of my friends/acquaintances had their last kids maybe 6/7 years ago.
I am 43, my hubs is 49, and I just gave birth to our first child ever, and plan on having at least 2 more, God willing. My family and friends are elated! It was also a blessing that one of my close friends was pregnant with her first at the same time as me, so I wasn't totally alone in my geriatric pregnancy journey, haha.
Don't worry about other people's opinions. You have a loving family that you are growing. Focus on that!
Besides, I like to tell folks that at my age, I am more secure and stable on many levels, than I would have been 20 years ago, so for me, it was the perfect time to have start me family now vs then.
All of my friends/acquaintances had their last kids maybe 6/7 years ago.
I am 43, my hubs is 49, and I just gave birth to our first child ever, and plan on having at least 2 more, God willing. My family and friends are elated! It was also a blessing that one of my close friends was pregnant with her first at the same time as me, so I wasn't totally alone in my geriatric pregnancy journey, haha.
Don't worry about other people's opinions. You have a loving family that you are growing. Focus on that!
Besides, I like to tell folks that at my age, I am more secure and stable on many levels, than I would have been 20 years ago, so for me, it was the perfect time to have start me family now vs then.
@safestart Thank you, kids are such a gift and I’m so thankful I get to be her mom. Perspectives like you have shared are very encouraging!! 
@safestart I just love hearing stories like this! I hope motherhood is treating you well. 
@sharleeg Also in the Midwest but grew up on the east coast. 35+ pregnancies ARE on the rise! I’m 39 and my experience has been when I go back to the east coast I’m a dime a dozen of women having kids in their late 30s/early 40s. When I’m back in the Midwest, I’m 5-10 years older than a lot of moms, if not more than that. I think it’s just a product of being in areas that are perhaps moving a little more slowly to meet that new normal. If you google, there are tons of articles about the rising age, and my OB didn’t bat an eye when I said we will probably try for another kid after this one.
That said, it can definitely feel isolating. I’m very aware of how much younger most of the other new moms around me are. You’re definitely not alone or weird or doing anything wrong!
That said, it can definitely feel isolating. I’m very aware of how much younger most of the other new moms around me are. You’re definitely not alone or weird or doing anything wrong!
but it does help to remember, zooming out of my region I may feel less isolated!!! Thank you!!!@sharleeg I'm 37 and will be 38 when I have my first. (Hopefully! It's very early) This is your baby. Your life. A family is challenging at any age. These judgey wudgeys could be happy for you and rejoice in the blessing that you are able to have another child. It's your life. Your family. Your business. Focus of yourself. Having babies late is much more common now than ever because our generation can finally afford children at this age. You are not alone. Your baby girl will be loved. That's what really matters.
@bkegler27 Thanks so much, you’re absolutely right. We weren’t ready before, and this is the baby that is meant to join our family. Obsessing over what other people say won’t do any good
@sharleeg I live on the west coast and am pregnant with my first at 39. It's unusual here for people under 35 to be pregnant. However, I was raised in the Midwest, and most of my friends out there started having kids in their late 20s. It's really just a regional thing, and pretty soon the trends will catch up there as well. Ignore these people - their judgements say a lot more about them than you.
l2becomecl
New member
@sharleeg I will be 38 with my first. Honestly I’m so happy I waited. I was in a miserable marriage and was in the midst of grad school. Now I’ve found the love of my life and have a stable career. I’m more confident in who I am with lots of life experience! Some days I do wish I was younger but that would have meant having a child in a really bad situation and that’s not good for anyone. Life isn’t straight forward and I find when people judge others they seem to be quite insecure about themselves. This is your life, your baby, your choices. Women are having children later for many reasons and that’s ok. Bible Belt needs to update their intel a little 
@l2becomecl Thanks so much. Yes…we need to get with the times around here!!