Struggling with Toddlers Roughness

[brad94]

My husband and I are really struggling with our 2.5year old daughter (B.) She is the big sister to or 5 month old daughter (J.) B is really a sweet girl. She’s so excited about everything life has to offer, but she is constantly wanting to climb me, swing on me, crawl on my back. If I am doing tummy time with J, I might also start playing catch with a side beach ball with B to make sure she is getting attention as well, B will try to ride my back like a horse, she’ll put her hands together and put them around my neck and pull herself, all 36 pounds, off the floor, choking me in the process.

I bought her an indoor slide so she could get out some gross motor energy. I also have a pickler triangle that we are gifting her for Christmas.

I don’t know what else to do. I am a stay at home mom, so I’m very busy all day keeping up with both kids being fed, clean, and entertained. Every minute we have in the living room or bedroom together is me being clobbered by B. I try to remind her that she needs to be gentle with her touch. I show her gentle touch. We go through different options on how to touch someone gently. I tried to teach her how to to somersaults so she could flip upsides on her own, but she seems a bit to young for it. I am mostly the target. She will also be fought with her Dad, but not nearly as much, like maybe 10% of what I’m getting, and she is doing really really well around J so far.

So, if you have read this far, what do you think? We do try to take walks but a lot of times she wants to be in the stroller, and then I’m just walking and pushing the kids. And we also just got hit with 77inches of snow, so any outdoor playground or anything of that sort is out of the question for a long time.

Thank you for reading this far and for any response.

 

[portclancia]

@brad94 Okay, I have a few ideas, and bear with me, as you may have already tried any or all of these already:

• focus on proactively giving B a task to do before she starts trying to climb all over you. Do your best to make the task fun and give very clear simple directions. For example, “B, do you think you can walk like an elephant in front of me to the kitchen”? Or “B, I bet you can’t show me how a rabbit hops”.
• use different animals as fun ways to help her to practice being calm “can we move very slowly like a snail”
• if you can get a referral to a paediatric occupational therapist, consider getting a sensory assessment and ask them to create a sensory schedule with activities to best meet B’s sensory needs
• if you don’t have access to an OT, some basic suggestions for activities may include: pushing / pulling a laundry basket of laundry around the house, wearing a weighted vest or backpack (but make sure to check with your doctor or an expert on these products to make sure the weight is safe for your daughter), or bouncing on a yoga ball
• if you are stuck in the house together, can you put on a kids exercise video for her to practice along with? Or even a baby and mom yoga video, and you practice with baby J, and she can have her own baby (using a teddy or doll).
• if she is starting to climb on you, state “wow it looks like you need to really move your body, let’s do 10 jumping jacks to help your body”
• when going for a walk, can you baby wear and leave the stroller behind? Or state to B, “we need to move our bodies a lot when we have so much energy, so the stroller is only for when we are really tired.
• practice being gentle when she is calm, after a long walk / exercise, and when she isn’t hungry / thirsty, and when you don’t actually need her to be gentle. Most often, parents will try to teach a new skill in the moment they need them to do the skill,but it is key to practice beforehand and often.
• look into if there are any Parent Resource Centres near you, as they run free parented and some un-parented programs for parents/children. This can take some of the pressure off of you to keep them busy and entertained with new activities every single day.
• get her a little shovel let her push snow around the yard or show her how to make a snowman.

 

[keepingsteady]

@portclancia i am saving these suggestions for the future. my baby is nearing 9 months old and is a a live wire. i foresee a hyper toddler in my future.

 

[leslie735]

@portclancia Did you read "hunt gather parent" too? cause a lot of this advice really matches with the parenting methods discussed in this book.
I'd really advice to read it to OP, cause it looks to me like this girl just wants to do things together with mama and she could use some responsibility in the household, shoveling snow is perfect for doing together with a todler! But also actually helping with doing laundry, gathering clothes, putting them in the washer, sounds like she's just aching to be a team with you!

 

[brad94]

@leslie735 I have read hunt gather parent and I love it! B helps with the unloading the dishwasher. She helps to load it as well by “washing the dishes” basically playing the water while I load the dishwasher, helps with sorting laundry, putting laundry in the hamper, taking laundry out of the dryer, folding wash cloths. She likes to help make recipes in baking. She has a toddler knife set to help with cutting vegetables- but she really isn’t into it too much. She loves a spray bottle (of water) and a rag to help with window cleaning and dusting. She likes to help when I’m running the vacuum or crosswave. So we do all that, but not in the same day, I don’t dust and do windows everyday. And sometimes she’s not interested in helping. I think of that book all the time when I’m working on something she can’t do and I try to involve her the best I can. For instance I was breading steak tips for dinner and I didn’t feel comfortable with her touching raw meat - it’s just too dangerous for me - so I set up her learning tower a foot or two away so she could just watch. She liked it okay and started “washing potatoes” which again, pretty much meant playing in the water.

 

[leslie735]

@brad94 But still not enough! I guess you can't be cooking and cleaning all day long, but she could lol
In all seriousness though, we have daycare a few mornings a week and it keeps me sane, must be taking a lot of energy being a sahm with 2 children that young!

 

[brad94]

@leslie735 It is a lot. I love them so so so much, it’s just no breaks ever. And B is just at this really challenging age where she doesn’t have a good sense of of boundaries, and she shouldn’t at this age!! I’m not expecting her to be this perfect angel, but it’s still very difficult.

 

[leslie735]

@brad94 Right, just because it is expected and normal for her to behave like this doesn't mean that its not incredibly challenging... I guess it really does take a village

 

[portclancia]

@leslie735 I haven’t read it, but I believe now I need to buy it. I actually work with complex needs kiddos, but I focus on strategies from an attachment / human needs perspective, instead of the more commonly used ABA / behaviour modification style. I am a huge fan of “Good Inside” by Dr. Becky K as well.

 

[leslie735]

@portclancia ooh I'll be sure to check that out!

 

[brad94]

@portclancia These are great ideas! Thank you!!

 

[morehumble]

@portclancia This is super great advice! Especially the OT and sensory assessment.

 

[cameronb67]

@brad94 My kid (now almost 4) was exactly - I mean exactly - like that when she was younger. She’s still a very active child but now it’s easier to redirect that energy (hello trampoline gym membership). I have no advice. I just know it happens and it’s hard. But don’t feel like you have to tolerate roughness either. Keep redirecting and calmly enforcing boundaries.

 

[morehumble]

@cameronb67 I'm so glad someone suggested the trampoline. I've had one like the OP described and for us the kids trampoline was a great way to help the indoor environment meet her needs better.

Outside time & activities (like organized sports) was the key for my child.

 

[jmickett]

@brad94 It sounds as though she is a similar child to my eldest. He needed that gross motor activity, the wrestling, the jumping etc. Indoor play centres, gymnastics classes, swimming lessons, alllllll of the park time with swings and slides etc As much gross motor as he could get!

One thing that helped my son is having some dedicated time wresting and rough play with us and also heavy work. Dragging the basket of wet washing, carrying water jugs, putting cans in the cupboard etc (if you google heavy work for toddlers, lots out there!). My son also liked to crash into beanbags or pillows etc

The reminders and constant redirection to be gentle do eventually pay off.

 

[doralyn]

@brad94 Maybe get a nugget? She can jump onto it or my son likes them propped up so he can crash into it. My son has a lot of energy too.. it’s exhausting haha

 

[godsendwoman06]

@brad94 My question is, why no rough play? I would say when you have time, rough house with her and instead of teaching her to be gentle all the time, teach her there's times it's appropriate to be rough, and times it's not, i.e. when you are tending to the baby/not expecting it. Rough housing with your kids is actually correlated with lower rates of ADHD. I'd also try to involve her in caretaking activities like diaper changes or chores like washing dishes so she isn't feeling left out

 

[riot]

@godsendwoman06 Yes! One of my favourite games as a kid was when I would play “torture” with my dad (maybe not the best name for the game though). Basically he would just roll around with me on the bed, hang me upside down from the bed, toss me onto the bed. It was awesome! The tile though was if someone said stopped, you had to stop right away.

 

[brad94]

@godsendwoman06 I do allow rough play - or maybe it’s not rough play but physical play. I lift her up and spin her around. I put her on my feet and lift her up like an airplane, I offer piglet bag rides. But I can’t only do that play and it’s hard for her to just let me be… ever.

 

[godsendwoman06]

@brad94 Try out rough play: tickle fights, throwing her on the bed, wrestle with her like you would a dog.