Struggling to balance newborn and toddler sleep

[colinpf]

I have a 23 month old and a 3 week old. My 23 month old has never been a “good” sleeper, but we always made it work. I coslept with her in her room for a while, but during my pregnancy we transitioned her to a floor bed bc I knew I couldn’t cosleep with her while having a newborn. She did pretty well in the floor bed. I would stay with her until she fell asleep, sneak out, and she would usually sleep through the night. If she did wake up, I could go in for a few minutes and sneak back out. Then, about a month before my due date we both got super sick and ended up cosleeping again bc it was the only way toddler would sleep and I was exhausted from pregnancy and had to get rest some way.

Now, baby is here. I lay with her until she falls asleep. She has been much harder to get to sleep and also seems to be a much lighter sleeper. She refused to nap for the first two weeks baby was home, but is now napping again. I am capping her naps at around 45 minutes to an hour, because if she naps any longer she takes over an hour to get to sleep at night. She is waking up anywhere from 1-3 times a night. Each wakeup, I am having to stay in her room 30-45 minutes until she gets into a deep enough sleep for me to sneak back out of the room without waking her. This is not sustainable and I am hoping for a solution.

Things we have tried:

1. Letting dad do bedtime or go in to comfort her when she wakes. She hates this, freaks out, and scream cries until she throws up. She only wants me.
2. Talking to her on the monitor when she wakes up. This calms her down briefly, but she still screams for me.
3. Going in to reassure her when she wakes up, then leaving the room while she is still awake. She scream cries until she throws up.
4. Trying to get her to fall asleep independently by telling her “Mama has to go do x, y, z, but I will be back in a few minutes.” She does not accept this at all and scream cries until I return.

I am not comfortable leaving her to cry it out. She is a very sensitive, attached toddler and her world has already changed so much recently with the new baby. Every night, I lay down with her around 7:30 and she is usually asleep by 8:15. Her wakeup time varies anywhere from 6-8, usually depending on how many times she wakes up at night and how long the wake ups are. She has been falling asleep for her nap at around 1:30 and I wake her up by 2:30.

TL;DR My toddler is not an independent sleeper and I am searching for ways to make this work with a newborn

 

[greygoo]

@colinpf I slept in a firm king bed with my 2 year old and new born and we still all sleep together. My baby is now 7 months old. We've all been able to sleep well doing it this way. I sleep in the middle they both scoot close to me in their sleep. I haven't had a single problem. Good luck!

 

[rosiew]

@colinpf Can your husband put the infant back to sleep in the pack n play while the toddler co sleeps with you? After breastfeeding? And maybe if she sees you taking care of the baby she will begin to understand?