Struggling after doctor’s comments

[samuelsallows]

Update I told my doctor and her reaction was extremely gracious. She thanked me for disclosing and said she made a note to keep this in mind for any future talks .

First I would like to add I love my doctor. It’s my. Second pregnancy and she’s been great. Before getting pregnant I was 5’4” 124 pounds. I weighed 138 today at 28 weeks. I gained 4.5 pounds this month. I’m very active. I am measuring at 29 weeks and will deliver via csection at 38 weeks . My weight before my first child was 116. I never intended to get back to that weight. I am spiral
ing after her comments . I have a history of anorexia. I have not had issues with it in many years but my weight most of my adult life was closer to 100lbs. I counted calories , missed periods etc. There’s nothing in my chart about my history. I was never diagnosed but I did have doctors make conc erned comments throughout my life . Has anyone else ever been through this ? I don’t want to make her feel bad but I also don’t wanna know if I’m the best person to be making comm
ents about my weight unless I’m actually going over the allotted weight. I am having a hard time .

 

[fathersjoy]

@samuelsallows For future appointments, I think it's best to be honest and tell her you have a history of disordered eating. It's not "making her feel bad," it's helping her to better understand her patient. No doctor would want to accidentally say something that causes their patient unnecessary distress.

Disordered eating isn't unusual--it's very common in women our age. I was anorexic as a teenager and still struggle with my body image. I mean, the entire world c. 1970-2015 conspired to convince us "skinny = worthy of love and respect" while "not skinny = worthy of condemnation and ridicule."

Your doctor wasn't shaming you for your weight or activity levels. Probably the only thing in her mind was that rapid weight gain in pregnancy can lead to complications. To medical people, weight is just another measurement for analysis and diagnosis, and they can forget that it's loaded with judgement for a lot of us who grew up in the times of The Biggest Loser. (Which BTW was an incredibly messed up show and infuriates me every time I remember it. It wasn't about "health"--it was about gawking at large people in skimpy clothing as they got bullied and tortured into looking conventionally attractive.)

 

[samuelsallows]

@fathersjoy I don’t think she was shaming me but my brain does not process stuff like that rationally . To me it’s like a control thing and tisk tisk you’ve gained four pounds don’t overeat tells me I need to regain control and you can’t really do that when your pregnant. I know I’m not overeating right now so my brains telling me to undereat . It’s not how a normal brain works I don’t think

 

[fathersjoy]

@samuelsallows Believe me, that is how a normal brain works. Everyone does things to feel that they have control over their lives and everything will be okay.

A lot of women do it through restricting food and counting calories. Some people obsessively clean or exercise, to the point that if they're sick or traveling and can't vacuum or run for an hour like they always do, they feel guilty and anxious. One of my husband's relatives refuses to travel because if she's away she can't clean the house for a few days; one of my own relatives refuses to travel if it means she'll miss yoga class. There are all kinds of other superstitions and addictions people have just to feel powerful and reassure themselves that nothing bad will ever happen to them. In extreme cases, we call it OCD, but everyone does it at a low level.

Unlike a lot of these people, you recognize that you're doing this and understand why. Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to? Basically their job is to help people let go of the unhealthy things they do to satisfy the innate need for control.

 

[samuelsallows]

@fathersjoy I haven’t had these issues in years. I’ve remained a healthy weight for about 8 years without obsessing about it but I’ve also never been overweight . It’s not something that I struggle with anymore but to have a doctor I respect tell me to watch what I eat was very triggering for old thought patterns . I have simply been eating when I’m hungry and not even eating much more than I did pre pregnancy so for someone with a history of starving herself without an issue those words have consequences

 

[jnnfrb]

@samuelsallows Your overall weight, and weight gain, sound very healthy. What did your doctor say?

 

[samuelsallows]

@jnnfrb She made a face and said watch your weight and I was shocked and asked if she meant I gained to much and she said just make sure your not overeating at summer parties bbqs ect and I asked how much I had gained since my last appointment and she said 4 pounds or maybe 4.5 pounds . Then I think she saw me spiraling and tried to change the subject / regretted saying anything.

 

[jnnfrb]

@samuelsallows Oof. Her comment and facial expression were uncalled for. You’ve only gained 14 pounds and you’re 28 weeks — seems like you’re watching your weight just fine! I gained six pounds one month when I was pregnant with my last baby and my OB was blessedly nonchalant about it. It sounds like your doctor realized her gaff because she tried to change the subject but that still doesn’t make it OK. I hope the sting of her comment eases soon… You’re doing great.

 

[paul999]

@samuelsallows What was her comment?

 

[samuelsallows]

@paul999 To watch my weight because I recently gained 4 pounds

 

[paul999]

@samuelsallows Weight gain isn't linear. In the second tri I went through a 4-5 week period where I gained 1lb and then gained 3lb in one week. A 14lb weight gain is not a big deal in pregnancy. At 28 weeks I was up 20lb and didn't hear a peep from my OB.

 

[samuelsallows]

@paul999 Yeah I don’t know why she said something but I agree with the other comment that maybe she was worried about gestational Or preclampasia. I am not eating a ton. I’m very active everyday. It has caused this feeling of panic in me honestly.

 

[jon12345]

@samuelsallows I think she might be worried about preeclampsia. My friend gained like five pounds in one month and her midwife was concerned she was gaining water weight associated with preeclampsia. I would ask your doctor to clarify why she’s concerned/said something to you about it because of your history with disordered eating and the fact that it’s making you spiral now. Commenting on weight without giving a reason is not helpful at all.

 

[samuelsallows]

@jon12345 She said to avoid overeating at summer bbqs , fun summer stuff etc. She does not know about my disordered eating history. She basically said four pounds in a month was a lot . I feel like crying . I have a history of depression and anxiety but I’m so far removed from it . It’s been many years . I scolded the office the other day because they still had them listed as symptoms I noticed and I have not had either in 8 years . I am a totally different person than when I had those struggles but here I am feeling very terrible because of one comment . Now I feel like I have to mention it. I’m just upset .i feel like I do not struggle with preoccupation about my weight anymore but I’ve never been told to watch my calorie intake.

 

[sintje7]

@samuelsallows I was told 1 lb/week in the 2nd/3rd tri would be fine. You’re right there. What’s the problem?!?

 

[samuelsallows]

@sintje7 I don’t know . I gained this much with my first . I kinda questioned the issue and then it seemed like she sensed my anxiety and tried to quickly move past it.

 

[sintje7]

@samuelsallows Very sorry that you had this experience. Doctors sometimes don’t have a sense of how their comments can impact us.

 

[rehem]

@samuelsallows I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad! If it helps at all, I have a history of disordered eating that I consider myself mostly recovered from, but I find the weight monitoring and gain of pregnancy difficult. Here’s how I’ve approached it:

I tell the care providers “hey, I have a history of eating disorders. I struggle with weight talk. I understand that you may need to counsel me about weight gain, but it’s a challenge for me. Just wanted to let you know.”

My doctors were great and when one wanted me to weigh myself at home more frequently (to catch any early signs of pre-e) she gave me the tip to have my eyes closed and have my husband record the number if I felt like I was getting into a spiral about it. I wound up not needing to do that, just because I think being able to be honest with her really relieves tension about it.

I bet you will feel so much better once you let your care team know about your history! It’s important for them to know so you can be partners in your care.

You are doing great! Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.

 

[jesking]

@rehem This is so important OP! Please please tell your doctor. You do not have to endure this. I told my doctor if I have to be weighed that's fine but I don't want to see/hear the numbers and I don't want to talk about my weight gain unless there are major concerns. So she didn't and it was great.

 

[samuelsallows]

@jesking I’ve been enjoying sweets but like one a day . I do not eat or enjoy sweets when I’m not pregnant so it’s been a fun different part of my pregnancy. I only eat a breakfast of like eggs and toast and then a pretty healthy dinner with some snack in between . I don’t really eat fast food the comments made me feel like what I’m doing is leading to unreasonable weight gain so I should start disordered eating which I am really great at. It was upsetting