Sleep woes, 9 month old won’t stay asleep in his own bed

[sheilal]

I am really struggling with sleep for my 9 month old boy. We did modified Ferber for bedtime at about 5 months which worked well enough for a while he was putting himself to sleep at bedtime pretty quickly (a week or two of illness and he lost the skill and it was right when he could stand up but not get down so he just screamed so long I couldnt bare it, so we fell back into rocking to sleep) This helped a lot with managing the 4 month sleep regression which was hell. However he has never returned to the good sleep he was doing before that (waking just once).

Currently I am patting him to sleep (we moved from rocking to sleep which was an achievement) at bedtime (usually around 6-6.20pm) which is hit and miss in that he will go to sleep and then wake again within a few minutes which I find so frustrating!

He wakes around 8.30-9.30pm for a final breastfeed which used to be fine because he would fall asleep feeding and then sleep till after 1am, however now I can get him to settle after this feed most night (tonight I spent over an hour trying to pat him to sleep) and if it gets pst my bedtime I just give up and bring him in with me to sleep. I really don’t want to do co sleeping long term and I know I need to nip this in the bud now before it becomes habit for him! He will then either be in my bed and sleep really well maybe until 5 am or with one wake up around 1-2am. Or sleep in his bed and for sure have a wake up at 1 am and maybe 4am (4 am after that wake he is just into my bed and I don’t mind it at that time of night!)

I guess I don’t know exactly what I’m asking for help with, maybe suggestions on helping him to stay asleep longer? Moral support?

Should I do cry it out? I think at this stage Ferber and checking in wouldn’t help and would just escalate, but I’m not comfortable with extinction really as it just seems so mean, and tonight he randomly woke up screaming and he had pooped, so if I had left him in that I would have felt awful!

I’m a single mum and just struggling this week I guess! Sorry for this long ramble.

 

[messi]

@sheilal Hang in there. Parenting is hard enough, and single even more so. There are many experienced folks on this group and I hope they can help you. My gut is, just do what you need to do to get through. If CIO is not for you, maybe safe co sleeping is what you need to do. Take care of yourself.

 

[christina777]

@sheilal As you have identified - it is probably the inconsistency of technique that is leading to random wakes. Somtimes pat to sleep, sometimes nurse to sleep, sometimes cosleep, sometimes others.

In general - whatever association he fell asleep to (patting/nursing/cosleeping) - he will need when he finishes a sleep cycle and needs to go back to sleep again. So it's baby's choose your sleep adventure ride!

Sticking to one technique consistently whether it's gradual or more immediate should reduce the night wakings. I understand your uncomfortableness with cry it out but it helps to break it down into two sections.

1) Cry it out for falling asleep in the beginning - this is rather straightforward and the easiest to accomplish given your schedule is within reason

2) What to do in the middle of the night when he wakes - this will be more adjusted once you figure out schedule and probable reason for waking

In my experience - number 1 will take longer initially but resolve quicker at 9 months while number 2 can take a while to figure out because of the range of reasons for night wakings. But usually number 1 will lead to a reduction of number 2.

 

[sheilal]

@christina777 Thanks! I’m feeling like I might try cry it out for bedtime now he can sit himself down from standing, and go to check in the night and if all is well, a quick cuddle to calm down and then put back to bed to self settle or cry to sleep.

Hopefully putting in some work for a few weeks I’ll see some improvement