@84lutheran I was the oldest with a 5 and 7 year gap and had to babysit my brother’s all the time. Then I started babysitting for other people. I hated all of it and said I would never have kids for a long time. I have an only whom I adore but I’ve never longed for another. I’m very happily one and done and I think my early days of babysitting have a lot to do with it.
Siblings are not what they’re cracked up to be
- Thread starter ipurr2
- Start date
@84lutheran I'm OAD for multiple reasons but one of which is because I was the baby in my family and my brothers now sort of hate me for it because our mom prefered me, is how they see it.
@ipurr2 My story of siblings not being what they are cracked up to be...
I definitely grew up thinking having siblings was absolutely incredible, but upon reflection and seeing how our relationships have drifted as adults, I don't see something as special as I used to.
Youngest of two and only the girl, I was "picked" on, all harmless fun, and as an adult I laugh about it, but I also spend so much time wanting to be involved, wanting to be a part of their games, but was mostly rejected, unless it was at my expense. It often made me incredibly sad.
As we grew up I did have a stage in my teens where I was reasonably close to both at them at some point. One brother is just a year older than me and we had friends in common so partied together. Then he basically told me to buzz off cos he just wanted to hang out with them without his little sister, that really hurt.
My older brother and I also had a short burst of closeness, he'd broken up from his long term girlfriend and suddenly we hung out a lot, till another girlfriend came along. I then realised he'd just been trying his luck with my friends.
Now in our adult lives, I barely see them, I'm the only one putting in effort to see them, one says his wife is his PA arrange everything through her, but I don't think she likes me and she is difficult to make plans with (I guess not as difficult as him) the other won't ever commit to any plans, he'll respond with "I'll let you know" but doesn't.
When we finally all met up recently the two of them chatted in a corner and barely spoke with me, they actually spend a lot of time together, they just never thought to give me a call.
I'm at a point in my life that I've given up trying to have a proper relationship with them, if they won't make effort, I'm not going to continue trying to force something that isn't there.
I thought we would be this close knit family....we just aren't
I definitely grew up thinking having siblings was absolutely incredible, but upon reflection and seeing how our relationships have drifted as adults, I don't see something as special as I used to.
Youngest of two and only the girl, I was "picked" on, all harmless fun, and as an adult I laugh about it, but I also spend so much time wanting to be involved, wanting to be a part of their games, but was mostly rejected, unless it was at my expense. It often made me incredibly sad.
As we grew up I did have a stage in my teens where I was reasonably close to both at them at some point. One brother is just a year older than me and we had friends in common so partied together. Then he basically told me to buzz off cos he just wanted to hang out with them without his little sister, that really hurt.
My older brother and I also had a short burst of closeness, he'd broken up from his long term girlfriend and suddenly we hung out a lot, till another girlfriend came along. I then realised he'd just been trying his luck with my friends.
Now in our adult lives, I barely see them, I'm the only one putting in effort to see them, one says his wife is his PA arrange everything through her, but I don't think she likes me and she is difficult to make plans with (I guess not as difficult as him) the other won't ever commit to any plans, he'll respond with "I'll let you know" but doesn't.
When we finally all met up recently the two of them chatted in a corner and barely spoke with me, they actually spend a lot of time together, they just never thought to give me a call.
I'm at a point in my life that I've given up trying to have a proper relationship with them, if they won't make effort, I'm not going to continue trying to force something that isn't there.
I thought we would be this close knit family....we just aren't
taylordoss
New member
@ipurr2 Siblings are such a luck of the draw. I’m very close to my SIL and very grateful to have her. My husband is very very close to all his siblings and his older sister definitely shaped his life in a positive manner. However so much of the sibling issues I see posted on this sub also seem like crappy parenting and so OAD would have alleviated a lot of that.
I grew up with a brother who acted however he wanted and who was actively abusive and he just got coddled. As an adult he barely functions. I’d have been so so much better off as a OAD as my parents weren’t equipped to deal with the children they had and sometimes that’s ok to recognize and people should be applauded for recognizing their strengths
I grew up with a brother who acted however he wanted and who was actively abusive and he just got coddled. As an adult he barely functions. I’d have been so so much better off as a OAD as my parents weren’t equipped to deal with the children they had and sometimes that’s ok to recognize and people should be applauded for recognizing their strengths
@ipurr2 Eldest of three here, spent much of my childhood as the de facto third adult supervising the other two. My parents divorced and neither of them could/would handle us on their own, so it fell to me to help. Doing laundry, burning myself cooking us chicken nuggets, calling the neighbors for help when my siblings did something dumb and I needed an adult to assist. We get along okay as adults but having to raise them for my parents cost me a good chunk of my childhood and spoiled my interest in having my own for a looong time. I want better for my own child. I want them to just enjoy being a child.
@person234 Agreed
notsure411400
New member
@ipurr2 That old “they’ll learn to share with siblings” is bullshit. I have three sisters and grew up being SUPER touchy about my stuff. What’s mine and what’s someone else’s needed to be extremely clear for me. I hated sharing. I never felt like I had my own space or time or attention and all I had was my damned few things I could call my own, that weren’t hand-me-downs. I got much better about it as I got older and it’s pretty much a non issue as an adult, but I still have those knee jerk reactions about sharing sometimes. I know it’s illogical and it’s not how I truly feel but it does happen sometimes.
On the other hand I know only children who were/are great at sharing because they never had any issues about having their own space and their own things, and were always so excited to have a friend over who they COULD share with
On the other hand I know only children who were/are great at sharing because they never had any issues about having their own space and their own things, and were always so excited to have a friend over who they COULD share with
michael_sf
New member
@ipurr2 My brother is 17 years older than me and my sister is 11 years older than me. So I didn't really grow up with them. My brother lives in another state and we never talk. My sister and I have grown farther apart as our political views don't align. So I basically don't have any siblings. It actually sucks more than if I had been an only. Knowing they're out there but they choose not to speak to interact with me is a bit heartbreaking.
pressingon1966
New member
@ipurr2 I’m one of 5 and I am no contact with two of my very toxic siblings. My brother is the only boy and was coddled and given preferential treatment. He is now a physically abusive moocher and I feel sorry for his wife. My sister has a different dad and is “the baby”. Again, preferential treatment and no accountability. She is now a deadbeat mom and druggie.
The kids who were treated the worst are now the most financially and mentally stable. Go figure. Our parents did a terrible job and probably should not have had kids at all but here we are.
The kids who were treated the worst are now the most financially and mentally stable. Go figure. Our parents did a terrible job and probably should not have had kids at all but here we are.
jocelynvenus
New member
@ipurr2 I have a brother and a sister. My brother is 5 1/2 years older and we never got along very well and have nothing in common at all. My sister was my best friends until our 30's when her current wife completed her brainwashing. In the past several years she has been almost entirely estranged from our family because her wife is a black hole of emotional/physical need and can not tolerate her having any independence. They are in a sick, codependent relationship.
Anyway - the point is - siblings are not all they're cracked up to be...even when it starts out looking good like with my sister.
Anyway - the point is - siblings are not all they're cracked up to be...even when it starts out looking good like with my sister.
holywarrior93
New member
she thoroughly enjoys the full attention she receives.@holywarrior93 Mine spent a few years threatening to throw any potential future siblings in the garbage. She had a few months where she was open to having a sister (not a brother), until she realized that the sister would be a few years younger and not a same-age playmate. She's 9 now and still firm in the "completely happy as an only child" camp.
holywarrior93
New member
most people are so shocked when they hear she doesn’t want any siblings. I’m secretly happy she’s happy lol.@ipurr2 I have a younger half sister (eight years between us) and while we get along fine and she's an amazing aunt to my five-month-old, we are such different people that I wouldn't call us friends. That does make me sad to say but it's true. My parents raised her differently than me while I was still in the house (she got away with shit that my parents would have crucified me for) and that caused some bitterness. I've gotten to play wise older sister for her a couple of times, which felt like a lie because what do I know? And before the baby we'd go to the gym together and have pedis done together because that was the only stuff we could do where we didn't need to sustain a long and deep conversation.
She still lives with my parents and they're all very right wing people, and I consider myself a leftist. So there's a whole bunch of topics we all just avoid if we're to maintain some family harmony.
So yeah. My sister feels more like a cousin or something that I see occasionally than a close sibling, and I often identify as an only based on the first eight years of my life.
She still lives with my parents and they're all very right wing people, and I consider myself a leftist. So there's a whole bunch of topics we all just avoid if we're to maintain some family harmony.
So yeah. My sister feels more like a cousin or something that I see occasionally than a close sibling, and I often identify as an only based on the first eight years of my life.
@ipurr2 My husband has three siblings. One sister he has said he will likely never talk to again after their folks die, she’s a very selfish and unkind person. Another sister he doesn’t have an issue with but they’re not close. Like if it wasn’t for Christmas and holidays like that we would literally never see or talk to her, just because they’ve never been close and are very different people. Then he has a brother who he was very close with growing up but now lives across the country and we see maybe once or twice a year. They text each other their wordle scores and basically don’t talk beyond that (the parents and family in general can be pretty toxic and that brother has moved away purposefully and is pretty low contact).
Siblings are not guaranteed to be close!!
Siblings are not guaranteed to be close!!
@ipurr2 I have 7 siblings. It was fun sometimes when I was younger and wanted to play (I was kid #7), but as we got older there was more and more fighting. Everyone was mean to me. So I would often go play by myself and I was happy in my own little world because there wasn’t any fighting. When my mom had her last baby, I was the one who had to take care of her. When my mom left the family, she told me to take care of my sister because I already knew what to do. I think having to be responsible for a child when I was still a kid definitely factors into my wanting to be OAD. I’m tired y’all.