Should my baby stay over night at her other set of grandparents? Or am I over reacting?

[josiah714]

Should my baby stay over night at her grandparents? Or am I over reacting?

I really just wanted to get some other parents perspective on a wee dilemma I have going on in my mind!
In October my partner (23 male) and I (23 female) will be going to a wedding out of the country for 5 days and will not be bringing our baby. This is mainly because where the wedding is doesn't have quick access to medical facilities in case of an emergency with baby and the fact that she will only be 8 months old at the time.
For some context, my partner and I live with my parents, who are the most loving, kind and compassionate people and I am so blessed to have them as my parents and my little girls grandparents. My baby ( who is currently 5 and half months) knows them very well and loves spending time with them. She is comfortable in our home environment and my parents know her routine inside and out. I personally would like for my baby to stay with my parents while we are away because she is familiar with them and I know she will feel safe, won't be overstimimulated by new people and I know I can ring every day to check in and see how she and my parents are going.
On the other hand my partner has already told his parents that baby will stay with them for 2 night of this trip away. They are absolutely lovely and I do trust them but they also live a very busy life with two young girls of there own who are 5 and 7 and very busy little people. Currently baby is very stressed around other people she is not familiar with and I don't want her or his parents to be stressed for 2 nights in an environment baby is not familiar in! His mum comes to visit us and baby one day every week but baby is still not familiar and comfortable with her yet! I don't want to sound like and annoying over protective mother who only wants her baby to stay at home but I really do feel like I will be stressing out on the entire trip and worried about how our baby is.
I don't know how to even tell my partner how I am feeling and I really don't want to upset his parents as they really are lovely people!
My wee girl has been with my everyday since she has been born and I really just feel uncomfortable with the whole situation.
I also lost a beautiful baby boy at 7 days old due to deseminated hsv infection in 2021 and I just can't bear to think about anything happening to my baby girl when I am away!
Is this me overreacting and being to protective?
I really don't know how to bring this up with my partner!
Do any parents have a similar view to me?
Any advice would truely be so appreciated!
Thank you for reading! X

Just a quick edit aswell!
I have 0 problem with my partners inlaws taking baby out on whatever days suit them and have an absolute blast with her! They deserve time with their granddaughter aswell, I would personally just feel better if she was home safe in an environment she knows at night time

 

[stefana]

@josiah714 You can tell your partner that you feel one place is best. However, I don't think its right to totally dismiss his feelings either. Both of you are parents.

 

[lov2speaktongues]

@josiah714 Why haven't you been taking the baby over their house to help acclimate them to their home environment?

I do get it since my youngest had a harder time with new environments and people than my oldest. It took a while to get her acclimated with my parents and their home. We had to start out with short outings like running to the store. Over time she became more comfortable. You should have been working on this problem before now. It's sort of unfair to the other set of grandparents that they can't have the baby while you are away because you never bothered to work on the problem before now.

 

[josiah714]

@lov2speaktongues Totally understand where your coming from!
Baby has of course visited the in laws house and of course nana comes to see baby every week. I have suggested to my partner that we should have had a set day in the weekend where we go over a visit on a more regular basis but it seems like it's a chore to him and he has better things to do sometimes? I think he reckons that baby will just stay and there will be no issues and that all babies are very similar when in reality all have different personalities and boundaries. I'm an early childhood teacher and really do feel strongly about this.

 

[lov2speaktongues]

@josiah714 He needs to learn how babies work. My oldest could go to whoever in whatever environment whenever. He just didn't care. My youngest when she was first born wouldn't go to anyone but me and my oldest. It's funny because my oldest would sing to her while I was pregnant every night. Right after she was born he walked into the room and was talking and she immediately started looking around because she recognized his voice. It was so cute. That said it took even dad time for her to bond with him. She would scream if he just held her while I ran to the bathroom.

I remember the first time we left her with my mom and we really did just run to the store real quick. We aren't even talking about a night out. She screamed the whole time we were gone.

So yes, he needs to stop acting like it's a chore if he wants his paents to bond enough with the baby to watch them.

 

[saizzle]

@josiah714 I agree with you but I think the boundaries are also in large part due to how they’re raised. A child will be comfortable in a loving safe environment if you expose them to it. Maybe ask for a few half day visits and then an overnight before you go. You’ll be close by in case there’s an issue. Then you will see what it will be like. Chances are this will be harder for her later than it is now. And they are definitely going to want her to stay later in life. I remember feeling the same way with my girls but I was more lax with my youngest and it benefited her. I don’t think you’re over reacting but I do think not trying is not fair to anyone.

 

[markusss]

@josiah714 I don't think you're overreacting to feel this way. If you're close with in laws, I'd just explain how you're feeling. They should be understanding if they care about you and are good people like you say. Maybe they can even visit with your parents while you're away if everyone gets along.

 

[mr_unemployed]

@josiah714 I would say as long as you feel both environments are safe, give it a go! I know it’s super hard to break baby’s routine but it’s also good to try new things, even when you have to just close your eyes and do it. I’d share your concerns with everyone and see what they can suggest to mitigate. You have a bit of time to prepare so perhaps try to acclimate her as much as possible. Maybe start with nap time over there? Take a few baths at their house? Get her used to sleeping in a pack and play with a particular swaddle, or whatever she will sleep in there. Baby may get fussy around others when she knows you’re an option but may do fine when you’re not there. The part that doesn’t seem ok is your husband making these plans without asking you, because it’s clearly giving you lots of anxiety.

 

[katrina2017]

@josiah714 You could a trial run and have your baby sleep there for a night. Even if you stay in a different room or something.

 

[beautybarb]

@josiah714 Of course your baby should stay with your family in her own home!!!!!!!!!!

 

[peterh99]

@josiah714 Not overprotective at all!! My daughter is 11 months old today and even though my mum is set to babysit 2-3 days a week I still wouldn't yet be ready to leave her at bedtime or overnight. The fact that you live with your parents definitely makes this a different situation and I completely understand why you're OK with them and not the other grandparents. I can't believe your partner told his parents that without talking to you?!? Aside from everything else, expecting the grandparents to do a handover is asking way too much.

 

[josiah714]

@peterh99 Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for letting me know I'm not the only parent who doesn't want their child doing overnight stays while they are still so little and I'm not even there if something goes wrong.
My parents are so happy to look after the wee one and also agree that she should be in an environment where she feels safe and familiar as its her first time with me not being there.
Thank you again, your words really mean a lot x

 

[wren84]

@josiah714 I think 8 months is really early to leave your child for that many days in a row to begin with so I would absolutely do what makes the child the most comfortable. If your gut says with your parents then go with that.