Should I leave my wife with a 2-mo old for a week?

Y

younglite

New member
A buddy and I have been going on canoe trips every year for a while. This year, the only time that makes sense for him (in light of some injuries and PT) is going to be 2 months after my first child is due.

I’d be in the wilderness for a week with no cell service, hundreds of miles and days of travel away. We don’t have any family in the area.

This seems like a bad idea. I’m not even sure if I should talk with my wife about it. Am I overreacting? Thanks so much!
 
@elitewine4you And don't even ask your wife if it's OK to do. That makes her the "bad guy" to have to say no when she's being honest about the fact that she still needs a lot of help with a newborn baby. That, or in an effort to try to be cool with it, she'll say yes, and then when she's by herself struggling and it sucks real bad, she will definitely resent you for going off on a vacation during one of the most difficult times of a person's life.
 
@tooticki84 @younglite this person is exceedingly correct. Don't put your wife in a position to say no. The fact that you are even here asking this question is an indication that you already know this trip would create a problem. So just don't. The lake will survive without you and your buddy for a year.

Also, you could choose to do something much less extreme, closer to home. That would make camping easier on your injured friend and enable you to engage in your little tradition BEFORE your wife needs help with your infant child. Your friend doesn't have a kid on the way so you don't need to worry about how he feels about it. He should worry about how this plan would impact your growing family.
 
@greenhill This. Shortly before ours was born, when we were getting everything ready for her birth, my husband said something along the lines of “I can’t wait for the baby to be born so we can finally relax and rest.” We still laugh about how far off his expectation was from the inevitable reality of a newborn. lol
 
@younglite Two months in and unreachable is definitely a no, but further down the line and somewhere with cell reception I don’t see a problem with. My husband loves to camp (I hate camping) and goes on a trip with friends every summer. He went the first time after we had kids when our first was 7 months ish for I think about two nights. I don’t believe you have to give everything you love up when you become a parent, but the scope of things may change. I was comfortable with that and had backup I could call if I needed it. Everyone is different with what they are comfortable with.
 
@makavelli Not supporting 2 months in to do this, but there’s sat phones etc. depending on how you live and how adventurous you are this is a reasonable outing just not that soon.
 
@younglite I asked my husband your question. He thinks that you should not tell your wife about the trip and don't make plans to go. If your wife knows about the trip, she may feel guilty telling you not to go (assuming she doesn't want you to go). You might even miss not seeing your child for such a long time.

As a soon-to-be mother, I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband away for a week, either, especially with no way to contact him.

Is there anything else you and your friend can do? Maybe for an extended weekend where you can still be in contact with your wife?
 
@skillz This so much. I hate having to say “No” to partner’s plans. It makes me feel like his parent. Just don’t put me in that position. I’m currently 3 weeks post partum, and where I live, Covid, the flu and RSV (not to mention just regular colds and illnesses) are making their rounds. I obviously did not want to be sick while giving birth so was doing what I could to avoid it. A couple times he was like, do you mind if I do X with friends? My guy, I don’t mind at all. I’m not a dictator. However, now I have to say please don’t do this thing because it increases my chances of getting sick. Then it makes me feel crappy because I’m essentially telling you what you can and cannot do. Can you just..Not?
 
@kg1963 No offense, but what you are describing comes close to asking him to read your mind. And maybe I misunderstand, but you are saying you don't mind at all, but then say don't do this thing.

I think I understand the sentiment from the previous comment, that you shouldn't put your partner in a bad position. However, if it isn't done maliciously, you shouldn't vilify just asking when in doubt, that seems like it would breed an aversion to asking questions to a partner.
 
@onlyheknows Look, if Covid and RSV is running rampant in your city, if you need someone to tell you not to go to a restaurant…Well, I can’t help you.

It’s not being telepathic. It’s using common sense.
 
@kg1963 I've learned from watching the news for the last few years that people do not have a good understanding at all of how easily respiratory infections like COVID, RSV, and the Flu spread.

Like the other person pointed out, you're saying one thing to your partner while secretly wishing they did something different.
 
@joeswe That is a particular context, viruses going around and all, that may or may not be obvious. But in any case SHOULD be discussed openly and not from a place of "I'm right, you're wrong, blah blah blah", but from a standpoint of keeping one's child as healthy as one can.
 
@onlyheknows I agree with you totally. That's the stance we've taken in my household, keeping ourselves health for the kids and limiting transmission vectors, but that's also because one of us is in the healthcare field.

Your average Joe likely doesn't have a grasp of the concept of a transmission vector.
 
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