School sending invites to a church fashion show

[simplysamie]

I just want to know if I’m wrong for feeling creeped out and like this is inappropriate?

I received an invitation from the school for a church hosting a fashion show for girls k-4. On the invite itself it says parents are to drop off at 5pm and can’t attend the show until 8:30pm.

“Formal dresses provided. (Cami and undershirts recommended)”

It just raises a lot of alarm bells for me that the school sent me an invite for a “Girl’s Night Strong” that involved elementary aged girls getting dressed without parents present. Or is this just my trauma talking?

 

[jamesdtyler]

@simplysamie Here’s the thing: whoever is putting this on might be super innocent and or naive. They might be older and unaware that the culture has shifted and the vast majority of parents have their radars up for predatory behavior or situations for their kids.

However, despite the original intention of whoever is sponsoring this event, this is exactly the type of place where predators prey. Lots of likely unsupervised children, no parents, all being told to dress and undress in communal spaces? No. Hell no. I would never in a million years drop my child off at this event.

Also- WHY? What is a church doing sponsoring a fashion show?? What is a public (secular) school doing sending this info out?? If there was a slightly possible hinky child supervision situation and it was during, like… SCIENCE CAMP where there weren’t as many eyes on the kids as I would like, I would maybe say yes. But this is stupid to begin with and set up in the perfect way for someone to take advantage.

 

[simplysamie]

@jamesdtyler Especially in our area where we just had our town under investigation for an issue with city employees propositioning children for money. Forgot to add that above.

Thank you. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t wrong for feeling like this was a terrible idea, and not something the school should be sending invites for.

 

[jamesdtyler]

@simplysamie Oh jeez that certainly adds another whole layer to it.

Honestly I think it would be appropriate to bring it to the attention of the school. Not in a “HOW DARE U” type of way, but more in a “I just wanted to raise some concerns about sending home events from a church, since it implies the school is promoting a certain religion. I also feel like this particular event could be dangerous as there is no parental supervision allowed and the girls will be getting dressed and undressed around strangers.”

 

[simplysamie]

@jamesdtyler Thank you for the suggestion on how to go about it!

 

[oppmuntre]

@simplysamie I think that @jamesdtyler has absolutely covered it but also, maybe it’s just me but everything else aside, kindergarten kids are like 4-5, right? And the show doesn’t even START until 8:30, so they’re not going to be in bed before 10pm at the very earliest? Are they going to feed them all dinner (little kids are not going to be able to go from 4:30ish until 10pm without eating)? Are they prepared to deal with allergies and picky eaters? Are the people supervising trained to deal with any first aid emergencies? What childcare qualifications do they have? What if one of the younger ones has an accident and has to strip down completely, who exactly is going to be dealing with that and are they CRB checked (or whatever the equivalent is in the US)? What’s the policy on mobile phones “backstage” and in general, and who is enforcing that if it’s a no-photos policy (which many of my kids’ events are because of safeguarding policies)?

This sounds like an absolute shitshow even without the safeguarding issues over getting changed. Add that on top and it’s a definite pass from me.

 

[simplysamie]

@oppmuntre Kindergarten where I am is 5-6. It did say there’s a church service while the kids eat, so I’ll give them that much. They’ll be feeding the kids.

There was no other reassurances to the invite, just a phone number to call. Not having things in writing is something I’m uncomfortable with. The invite is just way too vague.

Given it’s a church, I don’t think background checks (that’s what a CRB is, right?) are mandated for volunteers. I could be wrong though. I haven’t stepped foot inside a church in years.

But all very good points you mentioned. I have, and had, no intentions of sending my kid. She’s way too young to be going somewhere like that, and I am not a fan of fashion shows for young girls. To me, it’s making looks a priority when they should be the least of a young girl’s (or boy’s) concerns. I’ve seen and read the studies discussing the damage pageants and fashion shows have on young kids.

 

[atiyah]

@simplysamie Yeah no way in hell would I drop off my kid to a church event for several hours when I don’t know who the hell will have access to her and the idea of a “fashion show” for 4-5 year olds??? With no parents around?? This is a predators paradise. And a school has no business promoting an event from a church.

 

[majormal]

@jamesdtyler Where I live, all the people that go to the super fundie churches dress up their little girls in these weird outfits that I swear is some sort of Jesus MLM for little girls clothes. Like a "pining for the pioneer days" vibe. I could absolutely see them having a "fashion show" to hoodwink people into signing up and sending invites via public school.

This is the small town south fwiw. Churches send out invites to shit all the time via the public school.

 

[cindy4him]

@jamesdtyler My church did prom dress swaps so I could see them thinking that a fashion show was a good idea with the donated dresses. Or maybe if they taught a sewing class and then had the girls show off the dresses they made.

Idk.

 

[chelleaiken81]

@cindy4him I could see this for teenagers (we got changed for gym class safely) but I wouldn’t be cool with K-4.

 

[katrina2017]

@cindy4him That is totally different and I'd be ok with that.

I wouldn't be ok with OP's situation of dropping off a little girl at a church to be undressed and touched by strangers. There is no way kids that young would be able to do it independently. Many of them would not be able to properly express if anything inappropriate happened.

 

[cindy4him]

@katrina2017 Yeah. I'm trying to rationalize the event and hope that the flyer just doesn't represent it well. But I don't think it's working lol.

 

[shilohsfoal]

@simplysamie I think it’s weird. Is the church affiliated with the school in any way?

 

[simplysamie]

@shilohsfoal No, it is not. The school my kids attend is just the local public school. None of the churches are connected to it, aside from just being local.

 

[shilohsfoal]

@simplysamie Then yeah, super weird. Especially specifically stating that parents can’t be there until later. Maybe reach out to school administrators and ask why something like this was sent home? If it’s coming from the school, they’re essentially endorsing the event and it doesn’t seem like they have anything to do with it.

 

[strive2bebetter]

@simplysamie No. Just no. Firstly why is a public school allowing a church to advertise events on school grounds? Secondly, maybe I’d trust a 4th grader to dress herself in a dressing room but no way would I allow my kid to do so k-3rd. Also how well will they be watched between 5-830? What if a 5 year old gets bored and wanders off? This would be a hard no from me.

 

[brianhjpr]

@simplysamie I'm not a fan of churches using public schools for distributing information about their recruitment events. It's not even guised as an educational event.

 

[katrina2017]

@simplysamie Huge nope and sounds gross. It also sounds like a stupid event. Couldn't they have thought of something more for the kids' benefit & that they'd learn something instead of having adults gawk at them in clothing kids typically hate?

Why are girls always being reduced to their bodies and looks? I could see a school fashion show happening say, when the kids are older and want to show off outfits they designed in school. That's more focused on their own artistic talent and less about looks.

But this isn't it. They're just putting on strange outfits picked out by unknown adults from a church for adults' entertainment. The kids would definitely require assistance putting on formal wear but the parents aren't allowed to stay?

The girl empowerment events (from Girl Guides) are centered around STEM, learning life skills etc. Why didn't they pick something like that? A trip to the zoo to learn about animals, a visit to a museum to learn about the history of women...so many options.

However, my kids' school do not separate boys & girls for special events. Usually the whole class goes together. Not sure why in a school setting where there are boys & girls that any of them need to be separated by gender.

Just gives me the ick.

 

[todayisanewday]

@simplysamie Yeah, no. I find it inappropriate. I hope maybe someone didn’t think it through very well, but I wouldn’t be sending my daughter to that. It’s so random and out of the blue kind of thing.

On the other hand, my daughter is in dance, and needs to change costumes a couple of times during recital. I have the option of helping out backstage if I would like, but she’s also been going to her studio for quite a few years and so I have trust in her instructors and the program. There’s also often bathrooms and such available (depending on locations).