Okay so my husband (28) and I (27) have been married for a little over a year and have been together for a total of 12. In July, we found out that we were expecting without “trying”. We had plans of waiting until we owned a house. However, when we found out we grew super happy and began planning accordingly for what was about to be our new reality. We did cute announcements for our close family members and everyone was happy for us. The week of our one year anniversary, we found out that we were having a miscarriage. For the next 6 weeks, there were complications, doctors visits, and a lot of pain (mentally & physically). We were heartbroken and after it was all said and done, we buried our child.
Now, it’s been 4 months and we don’t own a home yet (and who knows when we will because cost of living has gone up so much), but we did both get wins in our careers. He just got a new job making a a slightly higher wage as a supervisor and I just got a 6% salary increase as a teacher. We are still paying down debt that I acquired during college to crawl out of the poverty background that I came from, while he basically has no debt and his car is almost paid off (middle-class background where parents saved up well for him). We have a little money in savings and money in bonds from our wedding and that his parents have also been saving since he was born.
I want a baby, we want a baby, eventually. But I don’t think he’s quite at the point of wanting to try again after watching everything I went through during the miscarriage and taking care of me through it all. We went to our therapist during the miscarriage to discuss how badly I wanted my baby and my husband agreed to try again in January but now it’s getting closer to time and I’m not sure if my husband view is still the same on it or if he just said it so I would focus on healing from the loss at that time. I want to start trying again because I’m worried that it may be harder to conceive but we also don’t have a house yet and who knows when we will with the state of the market… I don’t want to wait 2 years to try again and not be able to get pregnant right away. I think I may be to a point of ready to ttc again but am also not sure if I’m mentally prepared for another miscarriage. I’m nervous to bring it up with him but there’s never really the right time for the convo.
Now, it’s been 4 months and we don’t own a home yet (and who knows when we will because cost of living has gone up so much), but we did both get wins in our careers. He just got a new job making a a slightly higher wage as a supervisor and I just got a 6% salary increase as a teacher. We are still paying down debt that I acquired during college to crawl out of the poverty background that I came from, while he basically has no debt and his car is almost paid off (middle-class background where parents saved up well for him). We have a little money in savings and money in bonds from our wedding and that his parents have also been saving since he was born.
I want a baby, we want a baby, eventually. But I don’t think he’s quite at the point of wanting to try again after watching everything I went through during the miscarriage and taking care of me through it all. We went to our therapist during the miscarriage to discuss how badly I wanted my baby and my husband agreed to try again in January but now it’s getting closer to time and I’m not sure if my husband view is still the same on it or if he just said it so I would focus on healing from the loss at that time. I want to start trying again because I’m worried that it may be harder to conceive but we also don’t have a house yet and who knows when we will with the state of the market… I don’t want to wait 2 years to try again and not be able to get pregnant right away. I think I may be to a point of ready to ttc again but am also not sure if I’m mentally prepared for another miscarriage. I’m nervous to bring it up with him but there’s never really the right time for the convo.
there was actually someone else posting about wtt after a MC just the other day. There’s more of us here than most realize. I wonder if there’s a community for wtt after loss… if not, maybe there should be?
I know you understand. Yes to the grief and uncertainty and urgency and a million different emotions all rolled into one