Scared about vaginal birth.

[misha100]

I am a FTM and asked my doctor about a C section. She flat out refused. She said they will do a C section only if the baby is breech or if I have any health complications towards the end.
I thought C-sections were elective? I told her I am scared of a vaginal delivery and can't deal with that much physical pain. But she said, "We don't recommend that for healthy women". Not sure how to feel about this. I am really scared. Am I overthinking? I am anyways worried about my weight.
I asked my friend, who delivered her babies through C section and she had preeclampsia in her first and GD in her second. And she kind of agreed. She also said that things could change later on.
I feel like the only way I will get a C section now is if something majorly goes wrong with my pregnancy .

Editing to add: I am in the United States and the OB is subbing in for my original OB who is out on maternity leave.

 

[iamthankful]

@misha100 I tend to agree with your OB. A c section is a huge surgery. I had a vaginal delivery with a second degree tear, but I was up walking within an hour and had minimal pain. When you’re taking care of a newborn, you don’t want to be recovering from major surgery unless you have no choice really.

 

[yytg12]

@iamthankful It's really not for anyone else to agree or disagree with. It's her body and the way she chooses to deliver should be respected.

 

[johanaanderso]

@yytg12 Bodily autonomy is important but in many areas of the US a doctor is not going to perform a surgery without a documented medical need. In my area truly elective c-sections are not usually permitted. You would not be able to find a doctor and insurance coverage may be shaky.

 

[yytg12]

@johanaanderso I've heard about that. It's horrible. Forcing women to go through traumatic (psychologically and potentially physically) experiences is absolutely disgusting.

 

[linlubi]

@yytg12 It’s in the best interest of both patients, the mother and the baby, to not have unnecessary interventions done, especially a big ass abdominal surgery. It’s the patient’s decision to consent to surgery, but it’s the surgeon’s discretion to perform a surgery. If there isn’t a good reason to cut, they won’t do it.

 

[yytg12]

@linlubi "It's for your own good" is always the reason given to control women's bodies, from routine lobotomies in the 50s to forcing pregnancies in general and now forcing vaginal deliveries. Maybe you should examine why you feel this strongly about what another woman, who has no impact on your own life, does with her body.

 

[linlubi]

@yytg12 I feel this way because I work in an ICU and have taken care of some pretty bad post operative complications. Surgery is no fucking joke. We just had a young mother die in my unit from post c-section complications and it was fucking tragic.

Edit to say: I have to have a scheduled c-section and I’m fucking terrified of dying from it because I fully understand and have seen the possible complications.

 

[yytg12]

@linlubi I'd really expect medical professionals like yourself to look at research, not focus on anecdotes. If you were a pelvic floor specialist, a urologist, a proctologist, a psychotherapist etc you'd see the horrifying long-term and sometimes permanent outcomes of forced vaginal births. Just because you don't see it in your narrow day to day life doesn't mean these consequences don't exist. Elective c-sections are actually safer than attempted vaginal births, especially for the baby. As you can see in the research below.

https://www.cmaj.ca/content/193/18/E634

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S000293781500099X

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?...=#d=gs_qabs&t=1714632020553&u=#p=OHTJbEx1m-gJ

 

[karmel]

@misha100 A C-section is a major surgery with a longer recovery time and higher risk of complications for both you and your baby. When I was younger I used to always say I would “just schedule my baby’s delivery with a c-section,” because I was scared of giving birth. I think I got that mentality bc they’re so common it seems like they are risk free, pain free, and more convenient than a vaginal delivery I guess.

However, actually being pregnant and researching both, I 100% wanted a vaginal delivery if possible. I’m obese, had GD, and hypertension and a vaginal delivery was still the safer option for me and strongly encouraged by my OB and MFM. Having a vaginal birth is a quicker recovery and better for you physically. There are also a number of benefits your baby gets by passing through your birth canal. The pushing part of my labor ended up being on the faster end (45 min) and my baby was sniffly for the first few days postpartum bc the act of pushing is what helps get the amneotic fluid out of their lungs and airways and he had a tiny bit left bc he came out so fast. With a C-section they have to manually suction that out of your baby so they can breathe.

Obviously there are cases where a cesarean is beneficial bc it is safer for parent or baby, or maybe there’s sexual trauma, etc. So maybe it will be the case for you, but I would strongly suggest you do some research on risks and benefits to both of you haven’t already. It may change your mind.

If it’s really just the pain that scares you (which no judgement, I 100% get. I was terrified at first), I would look into support for that first. I took a hypnobirthing class, which was so empowering and helped a lot with my anxiety. (It was offered by my hospital and much better than the regular birthing class imo). The book is a bit peachy, but the class is awesome and also gives to lots of tools and support. These are helpful even if you plan to use medication (like I used them for cervix checks and earlier stages of labor, and have used them since when I’m nervous about dental work and other things). I felt so much mentally stronger and less scared about going into labor after the class. I wanted to avoid meds, but had to be induced and ended up getting an epidural for the pain bc I’m not gonna lie, it was intense. I was scared about the epidural too, but it made my labor so much more relaxed and the pain was gone. When I have my next child, epidural will be the way I go (which you will need to get anyway for a c-section).

 

[jpocd]

@misha100 I asked my doctor about a c section too because I was scared of a vaginal birth at my weight and I just like having things scheduled but she said basically the same thing. It would be a lot more beneficial for me to deliver vaginally than a C-section and they’d only do the C-section if absolutely necessary. At first I was a little upset but I trusted my doctor and didn’t see a need to question her. And she was right. I had a second degree tear but had minimal pain. I was showered and dressed and walking around not long after and recovered fairly quickly once home.

From what I’ve read and heard a C-section recovery can be significantly more painful and takes way more time to heal. Plus depending on how you carry your weight there could be a greater risk of infection or other incision complications if you have an apron belly.

I was so glad that my doctor pushed for me to give birth vaginally and didn’t just let me rush into a C-section just because I didn’t think I could handle a vaginal birth.

Ultimately it’s your body and if you want a second opinion that’s 100% your right, but as someone who also was set on a C-section and couldn’t get it I’d keep your options open because it ended up being the best thing for me.

 

[krkrlm7]

@misha100 Just a heads up, c-section recovery isn’t always worse than a vaginal birth. I had a vbac after my first and I had a 3rd degree tear. I couldn’t sit and it hurt to walk for 5 months. I was given minimal meds and help because it was a vaginal birth and the stigma that surrounds that healing wise vs a csection. I am going in for a c-section this time to avoid tearing again. Either birthing experience is going to be hard. So be easy on yourself and allow your body time to heal and rest. You will be ok either way mama

 

[sg1371]

@misha100 Yeah I've been told this too. And guess what? I'm super high risk .. I have so many health issues and a complicated medical history. I'm being induced between 34-37 weeks and I was told it would have to be vaginal unless baby is breech or it's an emergency... As of right now baby is breach but I'm only 32 weeks .. she still has time to flip but yeah I'm terrified as well .. and yeah I'm big as well

 

[7caldwell]

@misha100 Are you opposed to an epidural? I had a vaginal birth with an epidural and while I wouldn’t say it was fun and fully pain-free, it was not as bad as a feared. The contractions felt like bad menstrual cramps that lasted about 90 seconds each. I felt pressure but couldn’t feel pain when baby was coming down.

My main concern was recovery if I tore, and I will say I did tear a little. The first couple days were tough to get in and out of bed and I had to sit on a round pillow, but I was amazed by how quickly it improved and it was extremely manageable by day 4 or 5. I would characterize the entire experience as “not as scary as I worried it would be”.

 

[dutyandthebeast]

@7caldwell If OP is opposed to an epidural, a C-section is also going to be a problem because the process of getting a spinal and getting an epidural is very similar (just differs in where the medication is injected in the spine, and that an epidural is a continuous infusion).

And even then, looking back the spinal was not bad.

 

[psmit6]

@misha100 Where are you? I asked for a c section and I gather I have to jump through some hoops, but effectively in the UK if your obstetrician refuses you a section you can request to change doctor to one who will allow it.

No health conditions required

 

[misha100]

@psmit6 I am in the US.

 

[psmit6]

@misha100 Sorry to hear this. But in that case you're paying aren't you? Can't you just switch doctors?

 

[johanaanderso]

@psmit6 Very few doctors in the US will perform a completely elective c-section without any medical need. I looked into that in the beginning of my pregnancy but they usually won't do it because of concerns about their own liability for performing unnecessary surgery, as well as issues with insurance covering it.

 

[psmit6]

@johanaanderso Isn't profound anxiety a medical need?